My vasectomy came in 2 stages.
I turned up with my brother as I would not be allowed to drive myself home. I laid on the table with every man, woman and their dogs seemingly looking on. The doc took one look, and declared that it was too big a job, and would require a full operation
. I drove myself home.
Turned up at the ward, and was shown to a bed, where I had to put a stupid NHS gown on. With a name like Big Boy I can assure you there was more showing than was covered. Eventually, the porter arrived and I was wheeled down to the theatre (incidentally, the same hospital where they used to film Holby City). I found myself looking up at the fluorescent lights, just as they showed in the TV series.
I'd already been told that I would be kept awake for the procedure.
When we entered the operating theatre, it was nothing like the telly. This was an open plan operating theatre and I could watch other operations going on around me. Then it dawned on me, I was in the centre of the butchers shop with my meat and 2 veg on display to the world. I guess nothing the doctors and nurses hadn't seen before, and everybody else was out for the count.
I'd been promised a pretty nurse to take my mind off of the operation - they lied. I guess it was like being a suicide bomber and the virgins don't turn up. My nurse was pleasant enough, but did not conform to pretty. Now everybody I'd talked to beforehand assured me that it wouldn't hurt - they were all liars. As the doc entered the sac and started pulling away at the various tubes it was agony. Not down below, but I think every tube must have been directly connected to my heart. I reckon it must have been akin to having a heart attack. He'd pull a tube and I'd scream. Pull another, and another scream, etc. I'm not sure how long this went on, but it seemed to take ages, and I had convinced myself I was going to die.
Eventually it was over, and I'd lost all interest in the other operations. They wheeled me back under the same fluorescent lights, and settled me back into bed. Now the bed was only borrowed from somebody having a proper operation that day. At that time it was quite special - it inflated/deflated regularly (quite commonplace these days I believe). I shifted, just as it deflated - oh sh*t I think. Being a big boy, I thought I'd burst the mattress!!! No panic, it eventually inflated again.
Then it was lunch time. I felt quite down because I hadn't ordered anything, and thought I'd have to watch everybody else eat - no problem, Mr X whose bed I was in had ordered lunch - they served me his
Eventually, it was time for discharge. My brother turned up, and they basically told me to go. I wasn't even sure if I could walk anymore. I got out of bed very slowly, and got dressed - so far, so good. No pain. I walked to the car, expecting massive discomfort - nothing. That was it basically. I enjoyed a couple of days off work (not because I needed them, but because they told me to).
Only one setback afterwards. I took the family to Cotswold Wildlife Park. I'm not sure how it happened, but my daughter was playing on the ground with my son, when she stood up, she put her shoulder right where the doc had been pulling tubes a few days earlier. Yes, it hurt a lot, and I think the air turned blue
So that's my story. Anybody that tells you it doesn't hurt are liars, it hurts like hell, but afterwards, providing you can avoid shoulders it's no problem. Would I do it again? NO