Problems with Thai girlfriends

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m_right
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Re: Problems with Thai girlfriends

Post by m_right » Thu Mar 03, 2016 7:41 pm

Name Taken wrote:I am literally going INSANE because of my Thai girlfriend, I swear to GOD she is dumber than a BOX OF ROCKS! I have been trying and trying for years to improve our quality of life together, but she has always shown zero interest when it comes to improving our quality of life together. She has made almost no effort to learn English, yet I try to learn at least some Thai. She just does not get it! I sure hope this post does not get deleted because at some point you are going to have to realize that I am a human being. Please pray for me. Things have got to change here in Thailand otherwise it is just going to be never ending CHAOS!! I'll tell ya she drives me to drink, honestly. She has this phobia of not wanting me to go outside so I spend literally 2-3 weeks just locked inside my apartment and when she closes the door to my apartment she locks the door like "You don't DARE go outside!". I swear I really do not know what to do, my eyes are spinning. I have Thai friends and they have told me that "They(I) have many friends in the same situation". You can't just keep ignoring these things or covering them up! There is some kind of nefarious element that is strong and at work in Thai society and it is deeply disturbing.
It is unbelievable and I don't know what to do. I guess grab a beer, hold on and enjoy the ride.
She does this other weird thing where she sleeps on the very edge of the bed to the point where she almost literally falls off of the bed and onto the floor, is that just totally weird or what?!!
:banghead: :banghead:
I sure can't give any advice since I can't understand the situation.

How do you communicate?
How can you grab a beer if you are locked up?
How much time do you live with her during these years you have been in this relationship?
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Re: Problems with Thai girlfriends

Post by Name Taken » Thu Mar 03, 2016 7:42 pm

I have talked about this in a different thread, but I left my Thai wife because she was always asking me for money and I was giving her 4,000 baht every week as kind of a salary which I didn't like.
In my humble opinion, It is not that easy to find an intelligent woman with common sense but I know there are a lot of women that say the same thing about men. :|
It's rough out there.

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Re: Problems with Thai girlfriends

Post by dtaai-maai » Thu Mar 03, 2016 7:44 pm

Big Boy wrote:
Pleng wrote:Very strange. Mine does the exact opposite and takes up almost the entire bed, leaving me clinging onto the edge for dear life.
LOL - another need for a +1...
... or a LIKE button...
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Re: Problems with Thai girlfriends

Post by Name Taken » Thu Mar 03, 2016 7:45 pm

m_right wrote:
Name Taken wrote:I am literally going INSANE because of my Thai girlfriend, I swear to GOD she is dumber than a BOX OF ROCKS! I have been trying and trying for years to improve our quality of life together, but she has always shown zero interest when it comes to improving our quality of life together. She has made almost no effort to learn English, yet I try to learn at least some Thai. She just does not get it! I sure hope this post does not get deleted because at some point you are going to have to realize that I am a human being. Please pray for me. Things have got to change here in Thailand otherwise it is just going to be never ending CHAOS!! I'll tell ya she drives me to drink, honestly. She has this phobia of not wanting me to go outside so I spend literally 2-3 weeks just locked inside my apartment and when she closes the door to my apartment she locks the door like "You don't DARE go outside!". I swear I really do not know what to do, my eyes are spinning. I have Thai friends and they have told me that "They(I) have many friends in the same situation". You can't just keep ignoring these things or covering them up! There is some kind of nefarious element that is strong and at work in Thai society and it is deeply disturbing.
It is unbelievable and I don't know what to do. I guess grab a beer, hold on and enjoy the ride.
She does this other weird thing where she sleeps on the very edge of the bed to the point where she almost literally falls off of the bed and onto the floor, is that just totally weird or what?!!
:banghead: :banghead:
I sure can't give any advice since I can't understand the situation.

How do you communicate? Honestly, It's difficult sometimes but we do manage to communicate.
How can you grab a beer if you are locked up? She buys me beer at 7-11
How much time do you live with her during these years you have been in this relationship? 8

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Re: Problems with Thai girlfriends

Post by Farang » Thu Mar 03, 2016 7:54 pm

Occasionally the lady is not the problem. If you let yourself be treated that way years and years, you are the problem.

Separation should not be a sudden thing, as it usually leads into major or minor catastrophe. A separation should be a planned process.

Now, start planning.
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Re: Problems with Thai girlfriends

Post by Pleng » Thu Mar 03, 2016 8:21 pm

Name Taken wrote:I have talked about this in a different thread, but I left my Thai wife because she was always asking me for money and I was giving her 4,000 baht every week as kind of a salary which I didn't like.
Was she working? Were you? 4000bt doesn't seem an entirely unreasonable "kind of salary" in any kind of relationship where one is earning more than the other

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Re: Problems with Thai girlfriends

Post by VincentD » Thu Mar 03, 2016 9:00 pm

My Thai wife was also working and I contributed a lot more per month than what you were giving her. I have two children with her and it was expected this would be a joint support for the kids.
I am also Asian by birth and in Asian culture the family (fortunately or unfortunately) comes first.
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Post by dalmatiandave » Thu Mar 03, 2016 10:36 pm

Man or mouse comes to mind, grow some also comes to mind.

Everything you say about it is 100% negative for a bright future, it will only get more dim along with the mouse allowing it to happen.

Were you like this in your home country, hiding from the reality of where your life is going. You worry about getting a lessor deal with another girl, I am trying to see how it could be any worse than your present situation.

Mate, before she actually falls off the bed or sleeps in the spare room put your hand down the front of your trousers and check that your balls are still there and then if you find them move on to pastures new for your own better welfare before a swallow dive off the top of the nearest condo become a viable option.

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Re: Oh my Gosh

Post by HHTel » Fri Mar 04, 2016 12:06 am

expat71NL wrote:Two things. Firstly. if she is as bad as you say then it's time to change girlfriends. Secondly, you are a guest in Thailand and that means that you have to change to the Thai lifestyle and the Thai way of thinking. If you don't do that then you are as bad as all the muslims who are moving to European countries and changing them all slowly (!) from a Christian life style to a muslim lifestyle.
Yet another "We are a guest in this country an must change to their way!"

1. We are certainly not 'guests'

2. When marrying outside your own culture there has to be a compromise for both cultures to harmonise/

Married for 20 years and my wife is as much 'farang' as she is Thai. For my part, I respect her culture as she does mine but neither culture is dominant.

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Re: Problems with Thai girlfriends

Post by Vital Spark » Fri Mar 04, 2016 12:49 am

Well said, HHTel. In any successful relationship, there are certain compromises that may have to be made - on both sides to keep it balanced. Even more so in a cross-cultural relationship. When the scales tip too far (one side or the other), there will be problems - regardless where you live. I think that you need to get the balance right, Name Taken.

If you don't respect your other half, which is blatantly obvious in the way you describe her, then your relationship appears to be way out of balance. If you cannot sit down and talk rationally about your situation, then it isn't going to change.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

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Re: Oh my Gosh

Post by JamesWest » Fri Mar 04, 2016 2:05 am

HHTel wrote:
expat71NL wrote:Two things. Firstly. if she is as bad as you say then it's time to change girlfriends. Secondly, you are a guest in Thailand and that means that you have to change to the Thai lifestyle and the Thai way of thinking. If you don't do that then you are as bad as all the muslims who are moving to European countries and changing them all slowly (!) from a Christian life style to a muslim lifestyle.
Yet another "We are a guest in this country an must change to their way!"

1. We are certainly not 'guests'

2. When marrying outside your own culture there has to be a compromise for both cultures to harmonise/

Married for 20 years and my wife is as much 'farang' as she is Thai. For my part, I respect her culture as she does mine but neither culture is dominant.
2. When marrying outside your own culture there has to be a compromise for both cultures to harmonise. 100% correct.

But if we are not guests, then what are we? This is serious question and I not attacking you, just wondering. Only because "guest" is how I have heard everyone who is not a Thai national described. A simple example is a expat on a retirement extention of stay where you are granted permission to stay for one year at a time. Drop below requirements for the retirement extention of stay and out the door you go. Thais have rules for us to follow while we stay in their home.
I really like this forum because there are no personal attacks. All the members contribute in a positive way to my posts.

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Re: Problems with Thai girlfriends

Post by expat71NL » Fri Mar 04, 2016 6:23 am

We are guests. We are living in Thailand for our own pleasure. None of us have been asked to come here.
Although I agree a little about "compromise" it has to be remembered that if you decide to live in one of the two countries then the culture of the land of abode has to be very dominant.

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Re: Problems with Thai girlfriends

Post by HHTel » Fri Mar 04, 2016 12:34 pm

Outside of your marriage, I agree that the local culture is of course dominant. That really doesn't have to be the case within your relationship. My wife and I have lived both in the UK and here and we really don't have a culture clash in the family.

Regarding 'guests'. A guest is a person who is invited, welcomed and treated accordingly. There are several definitions both as a noun and other parts of a sentence. None of them fit the situation. Check it out.

We are not invited, not welcomed (by the authorities not the general public) and certainly not treated as guests. Yes, we choose to live here which is far different from being invited. To live here we have to jump through various hoops as most people know. We contribute to the Thai economy and are looked on as a necessary evil. We have to report every 90 days as if we are on parole. The powers that be can eject any one of us on a whim! There's a saying 'When in Rome do as the Romans do'. As a foreigner try doing as the Thais do and see what happens. We are allowed to stay under sufferance providing we abide by the rules which cover dual-pricing, cash handouts and many other discriminatory rules. Hotels have 'paying guests'. We are more of a paying tenant with a temporary lease. Break the conditions of your lease and you're out! In the UK, for example, after 4 years stay, you are invited to apply for British citizenship along with a British passport.

Would you treat your guests in such a way?

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Re: Problems with Thai girlfriends

Post by Nereus » Fri Mar 04, 2016 12:36 pm

expat71NL wrote:We are guests. We are living in Thailand for our own pleasure. None of us have been asked to come here.
Although I agree a little about "compromise" it has to be remembered that if you decide to live in one of the two countries then the culture of the land of abode has to be very dominant.
You left out the bit about: "if you don't like it, go back to your own country".
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Re: Problems with Thai girlfriends

Post by Big Boy » Fri Mar 04, 2016 1:18 pm

expat71NL wrote:We are guests. We are living in Thailand for our own pleasure. None of us have been asked to come here.
Although I agree a little about "compromise" it has to be remembered that if you decide to live in one of the two countries then the culture of the land of abode has to be very dominant.
How many guests have visited your house, and you decide you will thank them by locking them up for 2-3 weeks at a time?

I must say, this imprisonment thing is not a part of Thai culture I've ever experienced, or heard of before. I guess I haven't integrated enough yet :? . Something to look forward to, maybe.
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