What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships together?
What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships together?
From what I see in forum posts many farangs come to Thailand from well educated worldly backgrounds but settle down with Thai women who are often from village backgrounds. In other words, partners coming together from vastly different cultures and education.
Beyond the physical attraction and day to day existence of eating, living together, what is the glue that keeps couples together?
I am in the early stages of such a relationship and I wonder what it will be like in the future. For example, I want to read a book, she wants to watch soapies. We just move to different rooms. We make accomodations for different likes. I might be concerned about things beyond my control, she worries about here and now and making the next meal. I might be able to quote Shakespeare but that won’t fix anything in the house. My family is peripheral to my exisitance, but it a central issue in her life.
Beyond having kids and property ties what do you have that much in common or compatible with your partners? can anyone care to comment
Do the vast differences stop many relationships work? There is not competition from doing the same things? I hate cooking, she loves it etc.
Beyond the physical attraction and day to day existence of eating, living together, what is the glue that keeps couples together?
I am in the early stages of such a relationship and I wonder what it will be like in the future. For example, I want to read a book, she wants to watch soapies. We just move to different rooms. We make accomodations for different likes. I might be concerned about things beyond my control, she worries about here and now and making the next meal. I might be able to quote Shakespeare but that won’t fix anything in the house. My family is peripheral to my exisitance, but it a central issue in her life.
Beyond having kids and property ties what do you have that much in common or compatible with your partners? can anyone care to comment
Do the vast differences stop many relationships work? There is not competition from doing the same things? I hate cooking, she loves it etc.
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Re: What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships togethe
My wife, and I, have been together 6 years. She is from Cha Am area and has a college degree, plus college classes here in the states.
She still watches the Thai soaps while I read, or watch something else. This is our separate time I guess.
Together time is meals, days off, working together around the house, movies we both like, etc.
So for us we do separate things, but many activities together, and those are always good.
She can't quote Shakespeare, and may not know who he is, but we have enough in common that it's working!
Good Luck by the way!!
She still watches the Thai soaps while I read, or watch something else. This is our separate time I guess.
Together time is meals, days off, working together around the house, movies we both like, etc.
So for us we do separate things, but many activities together, and those are always good.
She can't quote Shakespeare, and may not know who he is, but we have enough in common that it's working!
Good Luck by the way!!
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.
Re: What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships togethe
I would think there are quite a few things and I'm sure posters will come up with most of them. I'll mention that previous experiences on both sides may have some bearing on it or help a bit. Many Thai women, who are happy to entertain having a foreign husband, are likely to have had negative relationship experiences previously with Thai men at some point, plus finding a suitable Thai man is actually quite hard and there are often philandering issues. Many Thai women also mention that western foreign husbands are just a little kinder and most respectful of them.
Foreigners who marry Thai women may also have had negative previous relationships (divorce/costly separations etc) and I have also heard many foreigners say they like the simplicity of the relationship the have here with an Asian woman, must be a breath of fresh air for most.
An Asian woman that is happy and loves her husband is a master at making her man feel appreciated and wanted.........goes a long way that does, and can be hard to find.
A foreign husband often represents a level of consistency that may have been lacking in the woman's life before, not just financially but emotionally too, plus the future appears a bit brighter than what they are used to, I would guess. Good men are just as hard to find as a good woman.
As far as the guys are concerned........well, maybe it's a style of relationship that they have always liked the idea of, but has perhaps disappeared in the majority of societies in the west. It represents a chance to start again and move on of what has gone before.
It might be worth a mention that, together, quite a lot is possible in a mixed culture marriage and does have much to explore and find out.
Just a few things other than the obvious ones that get mentioned all the time.
I'll leave the floor for others...........
Foreigners who marry Thai women may also have had negative previous relationships (divorce/costly separations etc) and I have also heard many foreigners say they like the simplicity of the relationship the have here with an Asian woman, must be a breath of fresh air for most.
An Asian woman that is happy and loves her husband is a master at making her man feel appreciated and wanted.........goes a long way that does, and can be hard to find.
A foreign husband often represents a level of consistency that may have been lacking in the woman's life before, not just financially but emotionally too, plus the future appears a bit brighter than what they are used to, I would guess. Good men are just as hard to find as a good woman.
As far as the guys are concerned........well, maybe it's a style of relationship that they have always liked the idea of, but has perhaps disappeared in the majority of societies in the west. It represents a chance to start again and move on of what has gone before.
It might be worth a mention that, together, quite a lot is possible in a mixed culture marriage and does have much to explore and find out.
Just a few things other than the obvious ones that get mentioned all the time.
I'll leave the floor for others...........
Resolve dissolves in alcohol
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Re: What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships togethe
What a question mate, maybe it is easier to answer he question "What is the meaning of life"
Anyway my few bobs worth.
I have been coming to Thailand for a few years but only stayed here a short while, I, like most Farang love the place, the people, the food and the culture but there are great differences between us and "THEM".
My girl is from a village, you cannot compare a village girl to one who is from BKK or any other big city or one who has been to college Uni etc. My girl has children, she has a wonderfull smile, big heart as Thais say and every one male or female seems to like her. The difficulties I find are many and there is not space her for all but where I have problems are the following:
1. TV - they like soaps, cartoons, childrens programs and what some westerners call pantomime/slapstick comedy. Westerners don't usualy like this stuff. I like sport, car & bike racing, good movies, books. The issue with this is that most evenings it ends up with us in seperate rooms until the kids go to bed and just maybe then she will watch something I like.
2. Food - Thais love to cook, I love Thai food so thats good but I also love Farang food but the family will not even try it so I either have to cook my own or eat out when I want Farang food.
3. Thais hate being outdoors in the sun or at the beach. Man I like it here becasue of the sea and beach but can never enjoy it.
Other posters have said Thai women may find Farangs kinder, more tender etc could that really be taken as more generous after all we are commonly referred to as the Farang ATM
Anyway enough of the negatives.
What keeps us together.
1. Doing things together - gardening, taking care of the home, good food (Thai only), loving each other.
Man what can I say cross cultural relationships are real hard work. I have seen oh so many fail here but there are some that do work.
Send me a PM if you wish to chat further.
Anyway my few bobs worth.
I have been coming to Thailand for a few years but only stayed here a short while, I, like most Farang love the place, the people, the food and the culture but there are great differences between us and "THEM".
My girl is from a village, you cannot compare a village girl to one who is from BKK or any other big city or one who has been to college Uni etc. My girl has children, she has a wonderfull smile, big heart as Thais say and every one male or female seems to like her. The difficulties I find are many and there is not space her for all but where I have problems are the following:
1. TV - they like soaps, cartoons, childrens programs and what some westerners call pantomime/slapstick comedy. Westerners don't usualy like this stuff. I like sport, car & bike racing, good movies, books. The issue with this is that most evenings it ends up with us in seperate rooms until the kids go to bed and just maybe then she will watch something I like.
2. Food - Thais love to cook, I love Thai food so thats good but I also love Farang food but the family will not even try it so I either have to cook my own or eat out when I want Farang food.
3. Thais hate being outdoors in the sun or at the beach. Man I like it here becasue of the sea and beach but can never enjoy it.
Other posters have said Thai women may find Farangs kinder, more tender etc could that really be taken as more generous after all we are commonly referred to as the Farang ATM
Anyway enough of the negatives.
What keeps us together.
1. Doing things together - gardening, taking care of the home, good food (Thai only), loving each other.
Man what can I say cross cultural relationships are real hard work. I have seen oh so many fail here but there are some that do work.
Send me a PM if you wish to chat further.
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Re: What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships togethe
MrsT & I have been together for nearly 20 years and we have an age gap of 18 years.
I can identify and agree with most of what has already been said.
We have the good fortune to have had two healthy sons - bringing them up and providing for their future, is now our main mission in life.
We have always given each other space to do our own thing in our own cultural way - sometimes joining each other, sometimes not. But it's nice to say that when we are together as a family, it's nearly always the good times.
The biggest thing I guess is trust - and loyalty. If you both provide that, you will have a great partnership.
I can identify and agree with most of what has already been said.
We have the good fortune to have had two healthy sons - bringing them up and providing for their future, is now our main mission in life.
We have always given each other space to do our own thing in our own cultural way - sometimes joining each other, sometimes not. But it's nice to say that when we are together as a family, it's nearly always the good times.
The biggest thing I guess is trust - and loyalty. If you both provide that, you will have a great partnership.
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Re: What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships togethe
I have to be honest, after having several girlfriends with much lesser education than mine, I finally hooked up with a missus from the same "class" and it's a big difference. The previous relationships didn't last long because we didn't have much in common. I have been married to my wife for six years now and it works because we have the same educational level. While she still likes to watch soaps (it must be a women's thing!) and I like to watch football, at least we can carry on a conversation on the same level that I was not able to do with any of my previous girlfirends. They all were nice but after the "having sex everywhere on a daily basis" subsided to "lets talk about something," the relataionships quickly ended.
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- Vital Spark
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Re: What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships togethe
I know the title is about farang-Thai relationships, but I think that something I heard on a radio show basically sums up any relationship.
The interviewer was interviewing an elderly British couple who had just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary and asked what the secret was for a good marriage. The elderly gentleman simply said "Just put the other one first".
VS
The interviewer was interviewing an elderly British couple who had just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary and asked what the secret was for a good marriage. The elderly gentleman simply said "Just put the other one first".
VS
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Re: What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships togethe
I think education has nothing to do with weather a couple of people can connect unless one half of the relationship decides to constantly remind the other half of 'His Superior IQ'.
What is hugely important though IMHO is that the two can communicate to a level of language above Grade 1 words. I have seen it many times here where the physical attraction has been the basis of the whole relationship then when it comes to communication there is a few words of broken English thrown about and some poorly spoken Thai thrown in for good measure.
What is hugely important though IMHO is that the two can communicate to a level of language above Grade 1 words. I have seen it many times here where the physical attraction has been the basis of the whole relationship then when it comes to communication there is a few words of broken English thrown about and some poorly spoken Thai thrown in for good measure.
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Re: What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships togethe
Terry wrote:
The biggest thing I guess is trust - and loyalty. If you both provide that, you will have a great partnership.
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.
Re: What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships togethe
I agree with GLCquantum.
What glue holds Frarng- Thai relationships together, same as it takes for any relationship, love, understanding, respect, honesty, and luck, these things for me bring happiness as I’m sure they do to many
Sure we all have our little habits, soaps, golf etc. but spending 24-7 together can have its problems also.
What glue holds Frarng- Thai relationships together, same as it takes for any relationship, love, understanding, respect, honesty, and luck, these things for me bring happiness as I’m sure they do to many
Sure we all have our little habits, soaps, golf etc. but spending 24-7 together can have its problems also.
Re: What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships togethe
Some would say money is the glue. Things come unstuck when it dissolves.
Happiness can't buy money
Re: What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships togethe
my wife and l have been married almost ten years now. her heart is into her family hers and our immediate. l love it , coming home to a great home is fantastic. shes from a small village also but now shes a phil micholson & new york jet fan. l do push the edge somtimes but not to far. what holds us together is love, family and respect.
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Re: What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships togethe
Personally I would hate to be in a relationship where there weren't common interests, and where you felt obliged to sit in a seperate room to watch the telly. Being able to share some - (not all - that is unrealistic) - but some interests which you can discuss/joke/disagree about is essential.
Obviously there are some Thai/Farang couples who can achieve this. There are also some farang men who are much older than their Thai wives and are simply content to be cared for as they get older regardless of the odd problem of soap watching.
I could be very cynical and say that the kind of glue which holds a farang/thai couple together is the soluble kind, but of course I won't! Because I think that often for the more 'same age' couples, regardless of background, it's the kids. Same as anywhere else in fact. Because the kids provide the shared interest.
Obviously there are some Thai/Farang couples who can achieve this. There are also some farang men who are much older than their Thai wives and are simply content to be cared for as they get older regardless of the odd problem of soap watching.
I could be very cynical and say that the kind of glue which holds a farang/thai couple together is the soluble kind, but of course I won't! Because I think that often for the more 'same age' couples, regardless of background, it's the kids. Same as anywhere else in fact. Because the kids provide the shared interest.
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Re: What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships togethe
I respectfully disagree. Having different cultural backgrounds make these relationships totally different and much more challenging.ken.p wrote:What glue holds Frarng- Thai relationships together, same as it takes for any relationship, love, understanding, respect, honesty, and luck.
TT
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Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car..."
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"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather....
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car..."
- dtaai-maai
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Re: What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships togethe
^^Respectfully disagree as much as you like, but what works for you obviously doesn't have to work for everyone. What a boring world that would be.
I've been married twice in the UK and had far too many relationships in assorted countries, and I'm firmly with VS and Terry who say:
I've been married twice in the UK and had far too many relationships in assorted countries, and I'm firmly with VS and Terry who say:
andVital Spark wrote:The interviewer was interviewing an elderly British couple who had just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary and asked what the secret was for a good marriage. The elderly gentleman simply said "Just put the other one first". VS
The fact that I am not my wife's intellectual equal, don't watch the same TV programmes and cannot speak her language fluently are things she manages to forgive me for. She is, quite simply, the best thing that has ever happened to me.Terry wrote:The biggest thing I guess is trust - and loyalty. If you both provide that, you will have a great partnership.
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