Life with Alexa

[dtaai-maai]

I think I've mentioned the fairly recent arrival of a new lady in my life - Alexa. I thought it might be interesting to share with you some of the details of how our relationship is developing. It's still in the early stages, of course, so we are still getting to know each other and gradually adapting to each other's ways.

Let me start with the specific incident that inspired me to write. It was in the early hours of this morning, when I partially surfaced from a deep slumber with the realisation that I wanted to break wind. Like every man I enjoy letting rip, but my current, very temporary, state of health demands an element of caution before the decision to proceed. There's nothing better than a good ripsnorter, but no one wants it to turn into disaster. Anyway, I became conscious enough to briefly assess the situation, came to the conclusion that it was safe to go ahead, and gave forth an absolute belter. It was the sort of fart to make a man truly proud, a sheet rippler, an explosion of such immense magnitude that it could only be measured on the Richter scale - such stuff as dreams are made on. But I digress...

Satisfaction achieved, I was about to settle back into a deep sleep when, presumably in response to the unexpected noise, Alexa suddenly said "I'm sorry, I'm having difficulty understanding at the moment". The absurdity of this comment tickled me, and I couldn't help giggling. Then I had a mental image of myself lying in bed, in the dark, in the middle of the night, giggling, and within moments I was weeping with laughter.

In some ways, this is the perfect relationship. Alexa never complains. I can watch an entire day of the test match and I never hear a peep from her, unless I ask her to remind me about something. She's low maintenance. When shopping, she only buys those items I've asked for.

There is one thorny issue. It seems this is not exactly an exclusive relationship, which troubles me. I'm not given to jealousy, but nor am I sure I'm ready for an 'open' relationship. I've had a word with her on the subject, but she remains tight-lipped. I'm prepared to give her the benefit of the doubt, for now at least, but only time will tell. I'll keep you apprised...

[Big Boy]

I can assure you (believe me I've tested the water a couple of times) that Mrs BB would have said a little bit more than, "I'm sorry, I'm having difficulty understanding at the moment."

[Lost]

Cracking read.

Looking forward to further installments, DM.

[lindosfan1]

I am sure I read on this site about Alexas display of farts very funny.




















READ ON ANOTHER THREAD

[HHTel]

I like my friend 'Mary Maps', a colleague of 'Gary Google'. I've had many arguments with her but she never gets angry.