Best of the Rest of the World

[(buffalo) Bill]

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
> SocialSecurity. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
> license toverify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
> left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I
> would have to go home and come back later.The woman said, 'Unbutton
> your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealingmy curly silver hair. She
> said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me and she
> processed my Social Security application.When I got home, I excitedly
> told my wife about my experience at the SocialSecurity office.She
> said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> disability, too.

[(buffalo) Bill]

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
> reunion, and I keptstaring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she
> sat alone at anearby table.My wife asked, 'Do you know her?''Yes,' I
> sighed,!
> 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking rightafter
> we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
> since.''My God!'
> says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that
> long?'

[(buffalo) Bill]

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside
> the road andslowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
> sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
> funny?Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up
> at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!

'So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

[(buffalo) Bill]

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE
1940's, 50's, 60's and 70's !

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.
Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway or Nandos.
Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death!
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers, Bubble Gum and some bangers to blow up frogs with.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.??
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY,
no video/dvd films,
no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents.
Only girls had pierced ears!
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time...
We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them
Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!
RUGBY and CRICKET had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on MERIT
Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and bully's?always ruled the playground at school.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!
Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla'
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!

[buksida]

I liked that one, very good and very true.

[Cowtown Comedy]

nice memories Bill....
so true about playing outside any chance you could get...even in the winter..

thanks for writing this...

[Arcadian]

Blimey Bill that took me back 50 odd years. We also had a conker season, a marbles season, football only played in winter and cricket in the summer, hopscotch chalked on to the pavements, we only went home for dinner and tea, (n.b. not lunch and dinner ). Coming from Devon we had the choice of river, creek, coutryside, beaches or woods as our playgrounds. The sun always shone and it snowed at Christmas. OK I made that bit up, but you know what I mean.

[Onlyme]

I used to write "I love Nora Sweeney" on the road with "white dog shit."
Stick straws up frogs bottoms and blow them up until they popped.
Donkey stone my mothers steps and windowsills.
"Dolly blue" was a cure all, bee stings, nettles etc.
Pee in the drain.
Wipe my bum with a dock leaf.
Eat leaves.

[Wanderlust]

Each to their own OnlyMe but in my world white dog sh*t was only a source of wonderment, dock leaves were the cure all for nettle stings and insect bites, frogs were left alone and I have no idea what Dolly Blue and Donkey stone means!

[Onlyme]

Wanderlust. That's because you're only a "puppy."

[Cowtown Comedy]

haha..i completely forgot about marble season. Everyone proudly carried around a cloth sack full of different sized marbles and of course the king marble was called a steely. Our season started early in the spring, when obstacles often included frozen over mud puddles and a few slow thawing snow drifts. I feel sorry for kids today not experiencing these things...everything electronic now.

Perhaps slightly more like the way kids in Issan play...sticks and frogs..

[Cowtown Comedy]

haha..now i can't get my mind of this topic..

did anyone wedge playing cards into the spokes of their bicycle to make it sound like a motorbike?

pretend a burning stick was a cigarette?



more to come..i gotta get back to work

[Arcadian]

Never tried writing in the road with shit from a white dog!

[dtaai-maai]

Came across this link and had to share it...

[Big Boy]

The Bindi

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a spot on their foreheads called a bindi. We have always naively thought that it had something to do with their religion.

The true story has recently been revealed. When one of these women gets married, she brings with her a dowry.

On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the spot to see if he has won either a corner shop, a sub post office, a minicab company, or a restaurant in Southall.

If nothing is there, he must take a job in India answering telephone enquiries from Barclays Bank customers.