Sin Sot or silly sod?

[littlebird]

I am no expert on this - never married a thai lady and probably never will but... I just wanted to share my experience and see what respones are made, maybe I am just too cynical ??? or not.....
A guy I know (age 50) got married recently to a 34 yr old Thai, i child aged 6. Family have home up north and small but adequate amount of land to support them. 3 sisters 1 brother , 3 of whom are married. Mother alive aged about 60 lives with hordes of relatives in own home.
I was just calculating his outgoings for the wedding:
1 million sin sot (banked by family on the same day)
Good amount of gold
Paid for all wedding, reception , everything
Bought land to establish small income for wife
Now bought more land for larger farm in the near future
Car for wife own use
Motor bike for brother
Having house built for wife and him when he joins her in 2 years
Do not know how much money each month he is sending her but I believe he is "generous"
Now maybe it's just me but ....... ???? is this guy for real or just thinking with his dangly bits

[bcrglobal]

It really depends on him, their relationship, and his personal wealth....without knowing that it's impossible to say.

I paid for our wedding, reception, etc.
I paid a nice bride price (But not as much as your friend)
All our money is and always has been in joint accounts (Except for the moment--it's all in her name until we can get a joint account set up here)
we just bought a car--in her name
we will buy a house next year--in her name.

My wife works hard--she had her own business (That I helped with) when she first moved in with me (Overseas) and for the last (Almost) 4 years has been busy birthing and raising our little terror. She can have any and everything that she wants, but I know she is very smart and very frugal and will not want more than she needs (Actually, the opposite is true--I push her to buy nicer and more expensive things than she would otherwise)

A REAL marriage is about partnership--money can be one part of the partnership, but if either side thinks it's the most important part then it's really not a worthwhile relationship, IMHO. As for "Friends" assessing the value of my relationship with my wife and trying to put a cash value on what either side gets--they are certainly NOT friends.

[alleykat]

Reading this just makes me cringe! What is wrong with your friend?
Firstly, sin sot is really only meant to be paid if the girl hasn't been married or lived with another man before. I would bet that she would find it very hard to find a good Thai man to marry her especially seeing as she has a child already.
One million baht is a ridiculous amount, along with the extras. It makes Thais think that all farangs are silly and willing to throw these huge amounts of money at them.

[jimmy40]

I agree with the above post 100%, people no matter where they are from all come here and put things in girls/wifes name etc. It is truely a recipe for trouble. Probebly still has thai boyfriend, as he is clearly not here for a bit. Don't get me wrong there are proper real thai people that are real. But these days its about 50/50 if you get it right first go. When the money stops look out, actually a test would be a good thing for your mate, get him to say that his company/job whatever has gone belly up. And he will need to come and stay on the farm etc, then he will see. And if there is no probs after a while he could allways say he has had a call and offered a good job or something like that. Also get him to read Thailand fever and private dancer. That should start him in the right direction.

[brianks]

I agree with Alleykat. Start off the marriage by spending, spending, spending so now she won't need him or anyone else any more. Bet there isn't much there in two years when he "plans" to return permanently.

Silly money. My legal marriage cost me a grand total of 50 or 60 baht down at the local government office 2.5 years ago. Best "investment" I ever made in Thailand. Its all about TRUST. My wife is from the south and Sin Sot is not practiced there. Would you ever consider buying a wife anywhere? That is exactly what this guy did. Money will not purchase loyalty or trust but will guarantee a continual parade of requests for money in the future by wife and all relatives and friends of family.

[Spitfire]

Silly sod I'm afraid there Nok noi for me, most of your average Thai men might stump up 10k baht all in if the girl is lucky, and those that claim to have paid hundreds of thousands plus gold make the deal with the bride's parents that the couple takes most of it back after the guests have gone, all show. If this friend has any idea then save his money for him and his wife, kick the blood sucking reletives into touch apart from do something to help the mother, the rest were all fine before he showed up. The prodlem for your mate is that it appears they are trying to find out how far they can squeeze him, not just for now but in the future too. Best thing to do imo is give a gesture of goodwill at times and do what you consider reasonable but put your foot down to stop the never ending black hole piss-take that seems like it could easily start with the senario decribed above as sounds like there are lots of them that will have future "problems" that only money can solve. However, people make their beds and thus have to lay down in them and sleep. Maybe he's rich and couldn't care less, but that would be a good example of why the Thais often just think we are all stupid and rich.

[E-Dork]

I may be wrong (wouldn't be the first time - or the last ) but I believe the 'going rate' as such to give the 'in laws' during the marriage is 20,000 baht. I have been present at a few dozen weddings of the lower class, bottom end earners and this is the amount always seen in the little gold cup handed over to the parents of the bride.

For me we handed over 20,000 but was given it back after the wedding as we both helped the parents previously financially.

bcrglobal said..

All our money is and always has been in joint accounts (Except for the moment--it's all in her name until we can get a joint account set up here)
we just bought a car--in her name
we will buy a house next year--in her name.

I'm all for trust and all but I think what you're doing is a recipe for disaster, ultimately allowing your wife complete control should things go sour.

[HHADFan]

The OP reads like the start of a very ugly but very common story.

I've only been to three weddings here, one was Farang/Thai and the other two were Thai/Thai. The Thai/Thai weddings were between middle class, fairly successful farming families.

Sin sots were:

200,000 baht, no gold at the Farang/Thai wedding. The bride was childless and had never been married. The family kept the money. Location was Isaan.

20,000 baht and about 2 baht of gold at the first Thai wedding. Everything was returned to the groom. Sin sot was just for show. The bride had a six year old child and I think this was her second marriage. Location was Ratchaburi.

50,000 baht and 2 baht of gold at the second Thai wedding - I have pictures from that one, and it's quite a wad of cash. Again, it was just for show and everything went back to the groom. The bride was unmarried, childless, just starting as an English teacher, and a very bright beautiful girl - quite a catch. Location was Ratchaburi.

In my admittedly very limited experience of Thai weddings, sin sot really is just a show to maintain a custom and I guess, get some face for all involved.

1,000,000 baht sin sot plus a 'good amount of gold' with nothing returned sounds like a) the lady doesn't care about the man at all, just wants to milk him for her family, and b) he is not thinking and didn't bother to research sin sot or what happens to unsuspecting farangs here. I hope he is wealthy enough that none of these outlays have been a financial burden.

Sorry to sound so negative, but this does not look good at all. For your friend's sake, I hope I'm wrong.

[hhfarang]

I agree with the above post 100%, people no matter where they are from all come here and put things in girls/wifes name etc. It is truely a recipe for trouble.

That depends on where you found your "wife" and how well you knew her before you made that commitment. Everything I own here, which is everything I own pretty much is in my wife's name and I don't have any problem with that. It makes it easy to live here and have a house and land and gives her security without a hassle when I take the big dirt nap. Since we love and are committed to each other, I see no problem with this... however, a lot of men come here and have a wife for a while, then get caught out on Bintabat or with a mia noi and if that's the way you are going to live your life, then I don't recommend putting things in your wife's name.

Would you ever consider buying a wife anywhere? That is exactly what this guy did.

The sin sot is not buying a wife... it is an aspect of Thai culture. While I agree with the op and other posters that if one is paid it is supposed to be for a woman who has never been married or had children, a small one for someone who can afford it will go a long way towards good face and relations with Thai parents in any case, which should be important if the marriage is to be taken seriously. Would you marry a girl in the west and immediately do something to alienate her parents?

Its all about TRUST.

Yes, and that works both ways. I trust that my wife loves me so I have no problem putting everything in her name. Trust is just as important as love in a relationship, and if you have any doubt whether or not you can trust someone, you shouldn't consider marrying them in the first place. A marriage is not supposed to be based on planned failure... it's supposed to be forever, or am I being politically incorrect in this progressive world.

[E-Dork]

HHFaran said...

I trust that my wife loves me so I have no problem putting everything in her name. Trust is just as important as love in a relationship, and if you have any doubt whether or not you can trust someone, you shouldn't consider marrying them in the first place. A marriage is not supposed to be based on planned failure... it's supposed to be forever, or am I being politically incorrect in this progressive world.

I agree with what you said there and maybe should have been more clear in my first post. The 'recipe for disaster' really all depends on how quickly into the relationship you have decided to put major purchases into the wife's name. You see it all too often here Farangs buying a house in the wife's name within a year of the relationship. THAT'S a recipe for disaster I'm afraid. In your case HHFarang you have been with the wife for centuries already so can be pretty confident about things in her name.

[littlebird]

Thanks for all your replies. I do hope they will both be happy but I do have some nagging doubts. He is not short of money but at this rate he soon will be. Obviously I havent said anything to him - after all its none of my business.
Incidentally what would have happened if she had no parents (as in both deceased) ? (her mother isnt well at all) - would the family have still sought some sort of sin sot for face sake ?

[crazy88]

"A dowry (also known as trousseau or tocher or, in Latin, dos) is the money, goods, or estate that a woman brings to her husband in marriage."

I am voting for this option!

Crazy 88

[hhfarang]

HHFarang you have been with the wife for centuries already

Yes, sometimes it does seem like that... but at least I got my money's worth from the sin sot!

[E-Dork]

but at least I got my money's worth from the sin sot!

And in just what way did you recieve value for money... or is that for the nightcrawlers section

[hhfarang]

And in just what way did you recieve value for money... or is that for the nightcrawlers section

By having a loving and caring soul mate who shares my joys as well as my sorrows and is always by my side, of course...