10 ways to look like a tourist

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hhfarang
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10 ways to look like a tourist

Post by hhfarang »

10 easy ways to look like a tourist in Bangkok

Wear a Chang beer singlet. Get groped by a ladyboy. This is the advice you need if you want to fit in with the local tourist crowd . .

1. Live the Khao San life

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Khao San Road is the first port of call for many travelers to Thailand -– particularly the under-25 set. The sensory overload you experience is akin to being smashed over the head with a golf club.

Take a deep breath and, if you don't start coughing, savor the sight of pirated CDs, fisherman's pants, sweet 'n' sour chicken and buckets of low-grade booze mixed with red bull.

2. Get your hair braided

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Much like in Mexico and the Caribbean, It's an unwritten rule that foreign women visiting Bangkok have to have their hair braided at some point.

Nobody is quite sure why this tradition became embedded in the backpacker psyche, but if you are a woman and you have hair, you'll want to have it braided almost as soon as you set foot outside your hotel room.

Pick up a Chang beer from 7-Eleven, take a seat and let the good Thai women of Khao San work their magic. Men who feel like they’re missing out can opt for dreadlock extensions.

3. Wear beer apparel

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This one isn't exclusive to Bangkok, as similar phenomena occur all over Southeast Asia. The gist of this shebang is that you need to show how in touch with the locals you are by wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with the logo of your favorite Thai beer.

Popular choices are Chang and Singha.

4. Get hustled at pool and ‘Connect 4’

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Bangkok is a city for players, and nowhere does this become more apparent than in the darkest depths of the nightlife districts, where doey-eyed temptresses will try and cajole you into sinking a few balls or else aiming for "four in a row" in games that inevitably end up with beer as a wager.

5. Start fights with the locals

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No I'm just joking. Be a good citizen.

6. Have your photo taken next to a beast

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Thailand presents plenty of photo ops that your online friends will soon drool over, but nothing says “I'm the boss” quite like a pic of you crouched down next to an enormous, docile tiger.

Snap away and upload straight to your Facebook profile for all to see.

7. Wear novelty headwear (note from hhfarang - where can I get these in Hua Hin; looks like a great way to keep the sweat out of my eyes!)

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Travelers in Bangkok are dedicated followers of fashion, so you should be aware of the latest trends, which include bandanas, novelty plastic trilbys and, of course, those pointy hats the costumed-out hill tribe ladies try and sell alongside little wooden frogs.

8. Take your shirt off

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This one's aimed more at the lads because it's almost unheard of for women to let their baps out in public in Bangkok.

Due to the unbearable heat of the city, local men usually just roll their T-shirts up and wear them like bras, thus exposing their glorious guts for the world to see.

You'll want to go the whole hog and give the world a glimpse of your glistening man boobs.

9. Take a crash course in Thai affairs

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There is no better way to impress fellow travellers than by launching into a monologue about how screwed the Thai economy is and how backwards political affairs are and how coups have become part of daily life in the Land of Smiles.

10. Get fondled -- or robbed -- by a ladyboy

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Female travellers usually have sufficient wits about them to avoid being robbed by Thailand's few unscrupulous ladyboys, but guy backpackers find it difficult to escape the Medusa-like gazes of the nighthawks as they swoop, grope and strut off into the distance -- sometimes with your pocket change and cellphone.

(credit to Matt Crook and CNNGO Asia)

http://www.cnngo.com/bangkok/visit/10-e ... 9?page=0,0
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Re: 10 ways to look like a tourist

Post by sandman67 »

HHF

Ive seen the insta-bandana things on sale in some of the small bike shops round town (ones that sell helmets) and on stalls at the Grand Arena night market.

Being a trad Brit may I suggest as a substitute a knotted hanky?
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To do the "Full Gumby" it should be worn with a tweedy tank top, rolled up cord trousers and a pair of wellies.

Guaranteed to get the ladies frothing!

:cheers: :cheers: :cheers:
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Re: 10 ways to look like a tourist

Post by hhfarang »

^ I actually saw someone here in Hua Hin walking on Sa Song road earlier this week wearing a knotted hankie like that!

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Re: 10 ways to look like a tourist

Post by PeteC »

Last time Stateside I brought back a dozen of those Nike elastic sweatbands. They are great when golfing, working outside etc. Keeps the burning sweat out of your eyes. They may sell them here now but I couldn't find any 3-4 years ago. Pete :cheers:
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Re: 10 ways to look like a tourist

Post by hhfarang »

Yeah Pete, I brought several of those with me from Florida when we moved here seven years ago but they are all too dingy to wear in public now... and not very stylish unless you happen to be on a tennis court. :D ... and speaking of head gear for golf, I used to see (actually had one) caps and visors made for golf in Florida that had terrycloth sweatbands built into them, but removable via Velcro for washing. Wish they had those here!
Last edited by hhfarang on Wed May 11, 2011 2:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: 10 ways to look like a tourist

Post by PeteC »

hhfarang wrote:Yeah Pete, I brought several of those with me from Florida when we moved here seven years ago but they are all too dingy to wear in public now... and not very stylish unless you happen to be on a tennis court. :D
Yeah, I have two new ones left and when down to the last, I'm going to take it to our local sewing shop as I'm sure they can reproduce it, without the Nike ✔ of course. :D Pete :cheers:
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Re: 10 ways to look like a tourist

Post by Siani »

prcscct wrote:
hhfarang wrote:Yeah Pete, I brought several of those with me from Florida when we moved here seven years ago but they are all too dingy to wear in public now... and not very stylish unless you happen to be on a tennis court. :D
Yeah, I have two new ones left and when down to the last, I'm going to take it to our local sewing shop as I'm sure they can reproduce it, without the Nike ✔ of course. :D Pete :cheers:
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Re: 10 ways to look like a tourist

Post by ge3 »

hhfarang wrote:. Get hustled at pool and ‘Connect 4’
Not to mention that other stupid game. Jackpot flipping up the wooden flaps and rolling the dice. I had to endure a week in Phuket with a mate who has never been down there before. I was so bored in 20 minutes. The bloody connect 4 drives me mad. I said to the girl I dont want to play. So forced me while I finished my beer. I beat her 3 times and she beat me twice and demand one of those stupid 'lady drinks' because she beat me twice. I said hold on Im the overall winner I won 3 games, you owe me! Those orange squash lady drinks drive me crazy and I told my mate not to buy them. Bloody orange squash for 250b - 300b..rip off!

Few other things:

Sunburn (well unvoidable for non toursits)
Thai tatoos on farangs
those hill people hats (spiral shape multi coloured)
Farangs in Tuk tuks in Bangkok (Taxi meter way cheaper and airconditioned)
Waiing Bar Girls and just about everything that moves in Thailand (Hand greetings in Thai)


I think of some more.. :guns:
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Re: 10 ways to look like a tourist

Post by hhfarang »

I'm sure they can reproduce it, without the Nike ✔ of course.
Pete, I'm sure if you find the right copy makers, they can put the Nike swoosh on it for you too! :wink:
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Re: 10 ways to look like a tourist

Post by BaaBaa. »

hhfarang wrote:
1. Live the Khao San life

2. Get your hair braided

I have an irrational hatred of the types that are in Thailand for 2 weeks with daddys credit card yet feel the need to look like they've been scrounging off soi dogs in Klong Toey for 6 months.

It really boils my piss.

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Re: 10 ways to look like a tourist

Post by johnnyk »

Sandals with dark socks bagging around the ankles - dead giveaway!
BTW, the "pirate" do-rag was a big deal among white bread wannabees in the 70s. They copped it from USA blacks who used it for decades as a do-rag to protect their new "do" back before Afros became fashionable. Looked ok on the ghetto dudes but looks ridiculous on pale tourists.
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Re: 10 ways to look like a tourist

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Sandals with dark socks bagging around the ankles - dead giveaway!
Yes!
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Come on now, fess up! Some of you out there do this... I've seen you around Hua Hin!

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Re: 10 ways to look like a tourist

Post by wpcoe »

prcscct wrote:Last time Stateside I brought back a dozen of those Nike elastic sweatbands. They are great when golfing, working outside etc. Keeps the burning sweat out of your eyes. They may sell them here now but I couldn't find any 3-4 years ago.
Don't you end up with an unusual tan line, like a white stripe around your forehead (or, entire skull if you are bald)?
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Re: 10 ways to look like a tourist

Post by Dixie's »

I've only been to Thailand as tourist but I've seen many an expat who dress worse than described above i.e. loose t-shirt, dirty shorts and awful sandals. Anyway, can't one dress up as one prefers when on vacation, as long as it fits the local customs?
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Re: 10 ways to look like a tourist

Post by johnnyk »

#11 - Beachwear inappropriate to the body type...
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