Taking on and Raising a Thai Child

[MrPlum]

I feel fortunate to have a Thai child in the house who is well behaved. Having spoken and observed others, I know not all are so fortunate and tensions can build in the home. Before I ask the main questions, here's a typical scenario...

You meet a girl in the bar/massage/restaurant. She's half your age and drop-dead gorgeous and like the deluded old fool you are, you allow yourself to believe she really loves you. The honeymoon period is bliss and then comes crunch time. She has a child or three out of sight being looked after by the family and now she wants you to 'take care'. You are smitten and still helpless but are a bit long in the tooth to be pushing a buggy or playing ring-a-ring-a-roses. What do you do?

I think Thai girls are a blessing and Thai boys possibly a nightmare. I may take on the former but baulk at the latter. Boys seems to get away with murder and the mothers rarely exercise discipline. This is different to western approach where children (in my home at least) get love and affection but have to live by certain rules. Fathers in the west tend to want more of a say in the raising of a child. Here, it is the mothers (or grandmothers) role entirely. I'm speaking in general terms.

Does anyone have a view on parenting here. If you took on a child or became a parent what was your thinking about taking on/raising a child and are you happy you did so? Or didn't you care?... "It's her job."

[hhfarang]

In my personal experience and observation of other families, nearly ALL children become nightmares at some point, usually around 15 to 16 years of age; doesn't matter where they are from or to whom they belong.

[Dannie Boy]

In my personal experience and observation of other families, nearly ALL children become nightmares at some point, usually around 15 to 16 years of age; doesn't matter where they are from or to whom they belong.

Well I must have been lucky as with 3 boys only one of them went through the "nightmare" phase, although he like his brothers has turned out fine.

[blue05]

I took on an absent child from the village after 18 months of living with a girl, within 6 months it was all over.

The child was not the main issue it was the mother, I guess after many years of a vist every 6 months or so she felt obliged to smother him to the total detriment of our relationship.

good luck to anyone that considers it

[Name Taken]

Personally, I could not and would not want to care for/raise a child that is not mine.
That's just me.

[GLCQuantum]

Personally, I could not and would not want to care for/raise a child that is not mine.
That's just me.

...nice.

[Vital Spark]

Quite frankly, kids in the cupboard (or whatever) should be asked about before any kind of commitment is made. If the lovely lady lies, then what else will she lie about?

VS

[Frank Hovis]

...nice.

Unnecessary - Name Taken was being honest, it's a bad day when you castigate someone for being honest.

[Takiap]

I can't speak from experience because our kids were all locally manufactured at home ( ), but if I were ever in a situation like that, I would be very hesitant. Then again, maybe it's just because I know how I would have been as a kid if I had ever ended up with a stepfather. At the same time, I think it is great that a lot of guys do take on Thai kids, and hopefully give those kids a chance to have a better life than what their parents had.

[dtaai-maai]

Name Taken wasn't just being honest, he was talking sense. I've been a step-dad (in the UK) and I can promise you it ain't easy for any of the parties. If you think it's not for you, the worst thing you could do is go ahead and do it anyway because you think you're in love.

[Dr Mike]

My observation is that raising a child with a Thai wife is difficult even if you are the biological parent. Your authority constantly undermined by wife and esp by her family. It does seem that girls are easier than boys.
One friend did send his son to a British boarding School, amazing transformation, bur very expensive.

[migrant]

Name Taken has said his preference and that is fine.
I think those who choose a partner that has child(ren) has to understand that, like the extended family, it's a package deal.

If you choose a mate that has children, you have to accept it all, or don't make the choice.

Mrs M didn't have children, but her Mom was part of the "package". I knew if I wanted to be with Mrs M, then Mom was part of it.

I chose yes, and have not regretted a day.

I respect Name Taken's choice, it's those that choose their mate, yet won't accept the kids/Mom that I do not respect

[buksida]

My observation is that raising a child with a Thai wife is difficult even if you are the biological parent. Your authority constantly undermined by wife and esp by her family.

Very true, Asia and the West are world's apart when it comes to raising children, in the west they are brought up to be independent as quick as possible, in the East they are raised opposite - family dependency rules.

[Woosie]

Dr. Mike I'm pleased to say I've had the opposite experience with my boy. His Thai Mum and all her family have welcomed and encouraged my involvement in raising him and supported me on most things. Even if it's contrary to what they would normally do. He is now almost 5, speaks decent english and is a polite, happy little boy. It can work if you explain to the family how we do things and why it's important for the child (good manners for example). On the other hand I encourage him to spend time with his Thai side of the family and engage in Thai customs also. So far so good.

[Dannie Boy]

Dr. Mike I'm pleased to say I've had the opposite experience with my boy. His Thai Mum and all her family have welcomed and encouraged my involvement in raising him and supported me on most things. Even if it's contrary to what they would normally do. He is now almost 5, speaks decent english and is a polite, happy little boy. It can work if you explain to the family how we do things and why it's important for the child (good manners for example). On the other hand I encourage him to spend time with his Thai side of the family and engage in Thai customs also. So far so good.

A very refreshing first post