Farang wrote:'
I've inquired about this matter of a couple of Thai men whom I much respect. They both said the dowry (sin sod)
is only paid on the first marriage and only if the bride is a virgin. It is never paid for used goods, ever.
I think this is the ideal (and traditional) situation but the reports I get seem to imply that playing the field before marriage is becoming rather more common than the chaste image of the Thai village virgin suggests! Sin sod still gets paid though! I also know of a couple of Thai men (my wife's cousins) who have remarried with other Thai divorcees. One of them waited a couple of years to marry because he was saving for the sin sod! Don't know if there were kids involved but 'virgo intacto' she was not!
By no means am I doubting the integrity of farang's Thai mates but what many Thai guys say and actually do are also different things. There is alot of pride at stake over such matters.
Sorry this is a late response, Im just trying to get a feel for the subject. This is my personal uptake. Another Udon Marriage
I am going to have to pay a sin sot, like someone already said in this topic not because I am being forced to, but for a number of other reasons. firstly my girlfriend is the only daughter in her family so its going to be a big deal.! Secondly i know what the family financial situation is. They own a lot, maybe 60 rai of land but the actual house they live in is old and wooden. In fact the girlfriends mum asked me if any other farangs would come to the wedding when it happens, i told her yes loads. My parents and friends from back home plus friends from Thailand. A right knee's up. My girlfriend told me her mamma is worried and embarrassed because they would have to see the house. My girlfriends mum had said that sin sot would only be for show..! FACE..! I already spoke with my girlfriend and explained that i would prefer to give her mum and dad something to keep. I am going to insist on putting money toward building a house at least foundations and the rest we can do slowly. This house will be owned by my girlfriend / wife and her parents can live in it... With an extra room for us when we visit (Regularly).
Now i have been to my girlfriends cousins wedding a 17 year old virgin(for point of topic). My girlfriend told me what the sin sot was etc etc Unfortunate for her i have a memory and body like an elephant. ha ha.! This Thai guy was asked to pay 60,000 baht but only produced 30,000 on the wedding day..! There were some angry faces let me tell you..!
So i reckon 100,000 baht is not a bad deal if i offer this???, I can afford it! I could write it off as a investment in to my life / wife..! Plus it would be an investment toward the start of a house..! My girlfriend has mentioned ridiculous figures, but i put it down to every bride wanting the extravagant wedding. She knows im smart, she knows im not stupid. But she wants a fairytale - We started a savings account together to go toward paying for the wedding costs. If we save money on something it goes in there. So far she has saved 3,700 in a month. I put in the 700 i won it at golf..! She put in the 3,000 as she is keen eow and saves me money every day.
by next year we hope to have saved enough to get married. (Ill add here that i have plenty in the bank to pay right now) But this is something that must be done ha seep ha seep. If thats how you say it? Anyway comments appreciatted.
Darren
thai to thai anything below 40k is considered embarrassing, two friends , both thai, earning maybe 5-10 000 baht a month were asked to pay 50 and 80 dowry/sin sot.
Mine was 100 k, i am farang.( but called lung pathic, uncle patrick)
When my wife and I were married in Isaan, I was asked to pay a 50,000thb dowry and 10,000 towards a party, which I didn't think anything of. I just assumed this was Thai tradition and I was rather excited to be a part of it. My wifes family consisted of aunts and uncles as her real parents are no longer around and are not as poor as they first made out. They have a nice big 5 bed detached house, two cars and a whole fleet of mopeds and the man of the house a good job. Bearing in mind at the time I was a builders labourer on a crap wage and renting a bedsit in ythe U.K.
For the first couple of years, I didn't mind the regular requests for financial assistance as I really wanted to be a part of the family but things got worse as on following visits to the family I would be drained of cash each time and expected to buy absolutely everything and they would wonder why our visits became shorter and shorter. My wife fortunately sided with me throughout and the final straw came when back n U.K. I had bought an investment property which went t*ts up and was repossessed. We tried to explain that we couldn't pay that month as we were struggling to make ends meet ourselves but they just wouldn't have it. This continued for about six months until we were both thoroughly fed up with it and they wrote my wife a very unpleasant letter telling her she had been banished from the family forever and considered 'dead'. Very nice.
If they had just given us a chance to get back on our feet, we could all have mutally benefitted from a large , happy extended family. Which would have helped the kids no end. Instead they let petty greed in the way of a good thing and followed the belief that the whiter you are, the higher your bank balance!
I know mine is a bad case and I also know that this is certainly NOT true of all Thai familys but it does go on and I think its a real shame!
Guess wrote:Marry an Indian. Then the dowrie goes in the intended direction. The more the better.
The BBC had a special on this afternoon about child brides, arranged marriages and dowrys in India. Very unpleasant stuff, but some interesting insight into that culture. Check your listings, am sure it will be shown again. Pete
Hello anyone
i'm a thai lady and i see the post about how much the dowry you have to pay , i just married with my foreigner husband , but i don't tell you how the dowry he gave me To many westerners, the word" dowry "conjures up images of money hungry parents " selling off " their daughters against theirwill to the highest bidder. But in the thai system, the dowry is a positive and mutual arrangement between the man , his girl friend, and both of their parents. When her parents hear that the man is ready to marr, they will check with their daughter first to make sure she's interested in him, and then proceed with the negotiation.
piggy
Wow Piggy!! You use words like 'conjures' 'mutual' 'proceed' and negotiation'. Even my manager who is a grade A University graduate was struggling with the meaning of some of the words in your post. You are indeed a very learned person.
I’ve never before seen a posting, let alone a first post by any Thai contributor who uses such good English (spoken or written) in there text.
Piggy, maybe you teach English at an University standard. If so respect.
Good luck to piggy, I hope your Educational IQ is as high as your so called perceived one. People who post here are not naive in any sense.
By the way, the only reason to marry is for love. If both partners want this and decide to marry, whatever custom is appropriate for the marriage will be happily concluded by both partners without any misgivings. I know this was the case for me.
JD wrote:I’ve never before seen a posting, let alone a first post by any Thai contributor who uses such good English (spoken or written) in there text.
Jaime wrote:It had been a long day - but why the apostrophe? The name's Jaime. As in Jaime Primero El Conquistador!
Actually, if you turned your name into Thai it could be "jai me" which you know means "have heart". I hope so . However, it is an off take of Jamie, right? JAI-me to me, I hear singing in the Oliver Twist movie. Pete
Pete
To many westerners, the word" dowry "conjures up images of money hungry parents " selling off " their daughters against theirwill to the highest bidder. But in the thai system, the dowry is a positive and mutual arrangement between the man , his girl friend, and both of their parents. When her parents hear that the man is ready to marr, they will check with their daughter first to make sure she's interested in him, and then proceed with the negotiation.
Pete 