Most of the Thai folks in my area are the children and grandchildren of American airmen who married Isaan beauties back in the 60s and 70s. Our temple, Wat Dhammagunaram, keeps the Thai and Pali languages alive and celebrates the Thai culture and holidays. The temple sponsors meditation classes and Thai temple dancers and strives in other ways to teach the Thai children the ways of their homeland.
We celebrate Mother's Day on the Queen's Birthday and put our Loi Krathong boats on whatever unfrozen body of water we can find in late November. It is still a bit cold up here in April, but I find that a bucketful of icy water poured over one's head is a great way to celebrate Songkran Day.
My involvement with Thailand dates back to the 1970s when I assisted with the resettlement of Hmong refugees coming to Thailand to escape the Pathet Lao. As an elementary school teacher, I later worked with a number of Thai and Lao children who came to the US with their families. The kids were fast learners and acquired the English language and American culture much more readily than their parents did, for better or worse.
I made my first visits to the Kingdom of Thailand in the company of Buddhist monks, who were immediately upgraded to First Class seating on Thai Airways while I was exiled to Coach. But as monks, they were unable to partake of the free-flowing libations (or to eat after noon) while I worked myself into a blissful state of quiet inebriation in relative comfort.
The monks steered me clear of the fleshpots of Bangkok and introduced me to Wat Pho and the joys of Traditional Thai Massage. I am now thoroughly addicted to the pain and suffering inflicted on my pathetic farang body by the ministers of this ancient healing art.
I used to frequent Bangkok quite often, attending academic conferences, giving guest lectures, and working with the United Nations ESCAP Center on various projects. I still visit Bangkok on occasion to revel in the big city life and participate in academic conferences that allow me to use university funding to finance my visits to the Kingdom.
I love Chiang Mai and the beauties of Doi Suthep and Doi Inthanon. Further north, Chang Rai, Mai Sai, and the Golden Triangle are also very nice. I rode an elephant and drank Chang beer in Ayuttaya, toured the cemeteries and went for a ride on the Jeath Railway in Kanchantaburi, and took a nice boat trip down the Chao Phraya River while eating a lavish meal.
I took a slow train from Bangkok to Nong Khai and the Friendship Bridge one summer, making side trips to various parts of Isaan along the way. Ah, the unsung beauties of Korat and Udon Thani! I spent a year in Pattaya one month and saw some things that even made an old sailor like me blush. Oh, the horror...the horror..... (Conrad's Heart of Darkness)
I quickly learned the value of saying, "My ow krap, kop kuhn krap, me mea lao" which I am told means, "I do not want, thank you, I have a wife." Actually I did want her and I wanted her very badly, but felt compelled to say the honorable thing. But for all I know, I told her that the bar’s water buffalo was flying sideways....
I have also traveled a bit in Bangladesh, Myanmar, India, China, Korea, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, the Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia, and lovely Singapore. I had my eyeglasses snatched by a pesky monkey at a Buddhist temple in Vientianne. I lost my world view completely when touring the Angor Wat Temple complex near Siem Reap, where I felt transformed back to the 12th century and the glories of that ancient kingdom.
I discovered Hua Hin last Summer while accompanying a lady friend who was looking for a place where she and her sister could open a massage shop (just what the city needs, no doubt.) I was taken in by the charm and the beauty of the place and the pleasant balance between the conveniences of a fair-sized city and the desolate quiet of Udon Nowhere.
I will be coming back to Hua Hin for the university break this December and January. I plan to take a well-deserved 5 or 6 month sabbatical starting in June and am scouting out Hua Hin as a place where I can "engage in academic renewal" and "revitalize my research agenda." At least, that's what I am putting on my sabbatical request to the dean.
Sounds better than "lay about until noon, get a massage, eat pad thai and coconut soup, lay on the beach, get a foot rub, stumble to a bar, engage in drunken debauchery, and use aversion therapy to discourage a vulnerable young lady from pursuing life as a bar girl." Qualifications: I am old and ugly and fat: the perfect man to turn these poor girls away from a life of vice. One look at me, and they will head straight back to school!
I look forward to getting better acquainted with the members of this esteemed board. The board has already proven useful to me in locating area maps and scouting guest house accommodations. It sounds like we have a very nice mix of people here with a broad range of interests and viewpoints.
I hope I haven’t said anything particularly offensive or flameworthy so far. No doubt, it will not be long until I am discovered to be the long-winded old fool that I undoubtedly am. Meanwhile, Chok Dee Krap!
Sorry, Guess, it blows your one about the laminated card & the urinal clean out of the water! 
Thats some intro with smittins of humor..lol..very well written.
