Hi Guys,
I am getting married to my Thai fiance in October '08.
Her parents have set the dowry at 500,000
THB. I can afford this. However, I am most concerned that maybe her parents are trying to take a little advantantage of me. Her parents are both high ranking school officials in the Chaiyaphum district ( He is the headmaster) and I know that they enjoy a pretty high position in their community.
I am a little uneasy, however, that when i baulked at this they accepted 300,000 but still wanted me to show the rest of the community/village that i was giving them 500K.
In a drunken moment, i said to the girl that i am going to marry that maybe i could afford the 500K and now she has told her folks! I know what you are all thinking--- Idiot.
Anyway, i realise i have to pay something, and her parents are cool with deception. Can i get away with maybe going back to the 300K idea? And, before you all get into the whole "too much" thing, I know it's diculous. But what can i do?
Any replies with a little insight about the thai wedding thing would be appreciated. Also, I got told that in a traditional thai wedding, it is custom to give cash instead of gifts. My fiance is planning on around 700 thai attendees, and my friends/family will total around 40-50. Can i recuperate a lot of the cost? I'm thinking around 300,000THB for the actual ceremony.
Any advice is most welcome
As for the inevitable- " You suck!" Find somewhere else to post!
Chalvy
Money, bloody money!!
Money, bloody money!!
"Somebody free as a bird, choking on the ashes of her enemies" Kurt Cobain.
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dr dave soul monsta
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Believe me, I thought about that.
Anyone wishing to attend my wedding will receive a "VIP" voucher.
It's similar to the Thaksin inspired card ( i won't mention it here)
It will entitle you to receive the most copious amounts of alcohol free of charge. For this privelidge you will receive many thanks and (possibly) a drunken toast as to your worthiness as a human being, this will help all you ugly farangs out there,.
But, seriously, i want my wedding to be a community affair. So, any farangs who cannot provide the 100,000 entry fee will be strictly refused entry. ( This comes from the missus)
Sorry guys
Ticketek ref # 1324440
Just trying to maintain good thai/foreigner relations
chalv
Anyone wishing to attend my wedding will receive a "VIP" voucher.
It's similar to the Thaksin inspired card ( i won't mention it here)
It will entitle you to receive the most copious amounts of alcohol free of charge. For this privelidge you will receive many thanks and (possibly) a drunken toast as to your worthiness as a human being, this will help all you ugly farangs out there,.
But, seriously, i want my wedding to be a community affair. So, any farangs who cannot provide the 100,000 entry fee will be strictly refused entry. ( This comes from the missus)
Sorry guys
Ticketek ref # 1324440
Just trying to maintain good thai/foreigner relations
chalv
"Somebody free as a bird, choking on the ashes of her enemies" Kurt Cobain.
Dowry/sin sod is always an emotive thing.
I'd say that the more traditional the Thai family is, the more likely you're going to be to have to pay some. Also, the higher up in society they feel themselves to be, the more it's likely to be.
However, it's quite normal now for the whole, or part, of the dowry to be given back to the married couple after the ceremony. It's there for face, nothing else. A deduction might be made if the family have paid for the celebrations.
At both weddings and funerals, it's normal for guests to give money. Whether you can recuperate the cost of it all depends on the guests. You're looking at maybe 500 baht a head?
I don't think anyone can advise for your situation as they all differ. When I married, I was asked for 50,000 (down from 100k) and arranged to pay in installments over a few months as it suited me at the time. There was no big party.
All I'd advise is that any arrangement you make should be crystal clear to all involved. And there's nothing wrong with a bit of negotiating, even though it might upset some of our Western sensibilities. It certainly did mine and things weren't easy for a few months before the big day. That's in the past and a long time ago though.
I'd say that the more traditional the Thai family is, the more likely you're going to be to have to pay some. Also, the higher up in society they feel themselves to be, the more it's likely to be.
However, it's quite normal now for the whole, or part, of the dowry to be given back to the married couple after the ceremony. It's there for face, nothing else. A deduction might be made if the family have paid for the celebrations.
At both weddings and funerals, it's normal for guests to give money. Whether you can recuperate the cost of it all depends on the guests. You're looking at maybe 500 baht a head?
I don't think anyone can advise for your situation as they all differ. When I married, I was asked for 50,000 (down from 100k) and arranged to pay in installments over a few months as it suited me at the time. There was no big party.
All I'd advise is that any arrangement you make should be crystal clear to all involved. And there's nothing wrong with a bit of negotiating, even though it might upset some of our Western sensibilities. It certainly did mine and things weren't easy for a few months before the big day. That's in the past and a long time ago though.
I have been told recently (by a trustworthy Thai) that you can ask in advance if the parents intend to return the cash, part or wholly, to you.
This is apparently not considered rude, and might lessen your headaches.
I do agree that perhaps the parents might be seeing $$$$$$$ once her daughter announces that she is marrying a farang.
Lesson in this????
DO NOT admit to the amount you can afford!!!
Good luck with it all
SP
This is apparently not considered rude, and might lessen your headaches.
I do agree that perhaps the parents might be seeing $$$$$$$ once her daughter announces that she is marrying a farang.
Lesson in this????
DO NOT admit to the amount you can afford!!!
Good luck with it all
SP
Chalvy
I attended my Thai g/f sisters wedding in December 2004, all the village was there and it went on from early am to very late. Even the ceremony lasted hours and hours. The groom paid a large dowry, posted on another thread here a while back. The party however was paid for by the parents partly out of the dowry. There were lots of courses and beer and whisky on every table so it was not cheap.
During the ceremony held in the house, each guest approaches the couple and leaves some money and ties a piece of string around the grooms ( I think) wrist.
I attended my Thai g/f sisters wedding in December 2004, all the village was there and it went on from early am to very late. Even the ceremony lasted hours and hours. The groom paid a large dowry, posted on another thread here a while back. The party however was paid for by the parents partly out of the dowry. There were lots of courses and beer and whisky on every table so it was not cheap.
During the ceremony held in the house, each guest approaches the couple and leaves some money and ties a piece of string around the grooms ( I think) wrist.
'If you didn't have a wasted youth you wasted your youth'
Man in pub circa 1987.
Man in pub circa 1987.
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redzonerocker
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marriage
that would be more my styleprcscct wrote:What ever happened to the brides parents paying the groom to take her off their hands?Pete
if i ever decide to marry 
probably not though
Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
chalvy,
I was lucky, my outlaws were so pleased that their daughter had caught such a handsome chappy, they didn't want a dowry.
Just a word of warning, money could be the least of your problems.
On the day of the wedding, I was quite happy taking in the money, and having string tied on my wrist. In fact I wondered why Thais didn't do it every day - money for nothing ........................... then it happened!
The ceremony started. The guy doing the wedding was kneeled in front of us with 2 newly killed chickens on a tray. As the ceremony proceded, he started ripping the chickens apart and putting bits of uncooked chicken in our mouths (luckily, I didn't get any feathers). I wanted to throw up, but daren't with so many Thais looking on - I was just closing my eyes and swallowing every bit that passed my lips. This ceremony went on for about an hour, and by the end there wasn't much chicken left.
It was at that point the phrase, 'There is no such thing as a free lunch' came to mind. Had these Thais paid to see us get married, or had they paid to see the Farang eat a raw chicken?
At the end of the day, the money presented with the tying of the string covered about 1/3 of the cost of the reception - at least I wasn't hungry
Don't worry chalvy, your turn is coming - enjoy
I was lucky, my outlaws were so pleased that their daughter had caught such a handsome chappy, they didn't want a dowry.
Just a word of warning, money could be the least of your problems.
On the day of the wedding, I was quite happy taking in the money, and having string tied on my wrist. In fact I wondered why Thais didn't do it every day - money for nothing ........................... then it happened!
The ceremony started. The guy doing the wedding was kneeled in front of us with 2 newly killed chickens on a tray. As the ceremony proceded, he started ripping the chickens apart and putting bits of uncooked chicken in our mouths (luckily, I didn't get any feathers). I wanted to throw up, but daren't with so many Thais looking on - I was just closing my eyes and swallowing every bit that passed my lips. This ceremony went on for about an hour, and by the end there wasn't much chicken left.
It was at that point the phrase, 'There is no such thing as a free lunch' came to mind. Had these Thais paid to see us get married, or had they paid to see the Farang eat a raw chicken?
At the end of the day, the money presented with the tying of the string covered about 1/3 of the cost of the reception - at least I wasn't hungry
Don't worry chalvy, your turn is coming - enjoy
Championship Plymouth Argyle 1 - 2 Leeds Utd 
Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED
Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED
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redzonerocker
- Rock Star
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marriage
thanks for that big boy 
you've just guaranteed my future days will remain as a bachelor
Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Bloody hell BB, that sounds a bit ropey; I went to an Issan wedding in April but there was no raw chicken eating going on. We did offer to slaughter the pig, but this was at four in the morning at the end of a Chang fuelled stag night. Luckily for the pig, the locals wisely declined our offer!
On the subject of the OP, I believe in this case most of the dowry money was returned afterwards.
On the subject of the OP, I believe in this case most of the dowry money was returned afterwards.
Been there, read the book, seen the film
Make sure the parents are dead and then no dowrie
50K max in my opinion
Then go with the flow
Whatever it costs it's small beer compared to the western world
Cheers
Make sure the parents are dead and then no dowrie
50K max in my opinion
Then go with the flow
Whatever it costs it's small beer compared to the western world
Cheers
RICHARD OF LOXLEY
It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.
It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.
thanks for all the great replies guys
I went through the whole engagement thing when I was there last time, the whole freaking village turned out to see the weird looking farang! So much string got tied to my arm they had to share the load onto the other one so I could walk without tipping over!
Seriously, it was a great experience and really bought home to me the strong bonds that up-country thais share with their family and community. It's something the western world has lost over time and we would do well to resurrect it.
As for the wedding, it isn't until October 08 but her mum is already organising it meticulously. I'm sure it will be a great success but don't relish trying to soothe my fiance after her inevitable arguments with mum over the colours of the flowers or some other bulls**t that only females can get worked up over.
As for the raw chicken..... what a shock! I'll have to get the inside scoop on the wedding before I do it, maybe have a KFC shack on standby so they can quickly coat it and fry it before it reaches me!!
Cheers guys
I went through the whole engagement thing when I was there last time, the whole freaking village turned out to see the weird looking farang! So much string got tied to my arm they had to share the load onto the other one so I could walk without tipping over!
Seriously, it was a great experience and really bought home to me the strong bonds that up-country thais share with their family and community. It's something the western world has lost over time and we would do well to resurrect it.
As for the wedding, it isn't until October 08 but her mum is already organising it meticulously. I'm sure it will be a great success but don't relish trying to soothe my fiance after her inevitable arguments with mum over the colours of the flowers or some other bulls**t that only females can get worked up over.
As for the raw chicken..... what a shock! I'll have to get the inside scoop on the wedding before I do it, maybe have a KFC shack on standby so they can quickly coat it and fry it before it reaches me!!
Cheers guys
"Somebody free as a bird, choking on the ashes of her enemies" Kurt Cobain.
Sorry Chalvy, that could turn out to be the most expensive night on the piss you have ever had. Things we do and say when we are pissed.In a drunken moment, i said to the girl that i am going to marry that maybe i could afford the 500K and now she has told her folks! I know what you are all thinking--- Idiot.
You could always do what we normally do when faced with statements that we have made after a day on the piss. Deny you ever said it
Anyway hope all works out well for you.
Always Borrow Money from a Pesimist. "They Never Expect it Back"