1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!
9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.
Best of British
-
Randy Cornhole
- Rock Star
- Posts: 3701
- Joined: Sun Feb 27, 2005 5:01 pm
- Location: London
- Contact:
The other night Sally was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' She told her husband that she would be home by midnight, 'She promised!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, she headed for home. Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing her husband would probably wake up, she cuckooed another 9 times. She was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT! The next morning her husband asked me what time she got in, she told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, she got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When she asked him why, he said, - 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, she headed for home. Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing her husband would probably wake up, she cuckooed another 9 times. She was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT! The next morning her husband asked me what time she got in, she told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, she got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When she asked him why, he said, - 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
Championship Plymouth Argyle 1 - 2 Leeds Utd 
Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED
Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED
The youngest son in the family asked his father, Daddy, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'reality"
Dad: I will show you.
He turned to his wife and asked: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for two million dollars?"
Wife: Yes. I would never waste such an Opportunity to become a millionaire.
Then dad turned to his daughter: Would you sleep with Will Smith for 1 million dollars?
Daughter: Yes. That is my fantasy.
Dad turned to his older son: Would you sleep with Denzel Washington for 1 million dollars?
Son: Yes. Imagine what I would do with 1 million.
Dad to his youngest son: You see "potentially' we are sitting on 4 million. But in "reality" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay
Dad: I will show you.
He turned to his wife and asked: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for two million dollars?"
Wife: Yes. I would never waste such an Opportunity to become a millionaire.
Then dad turned to his daughter: Would you sleep with Will Smith for 1 million dollars?
Daughter: Yes. That is my fantasy.
Dad turned to his older son: Would you sleep with Denzel Washington for 1 million dollars?
Son: Yes. Imagine what I would do with 1 million.
Dad to his youngest son: You see "potentially' we are sitting on 4 million. But in "reality" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay
Championship Plymouth Argyle 1 - 2 Leeds Utd
Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED
Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Championship Plymouth Argyle 1 - 2 Leeds Utd
Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED
Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by
> circumstances.While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Walter and
> his wife Ann, listened to the instructor declare, 'It is essential
> that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each
> other.He addressed the men.'Can you name and describe your wife's
> favorite flower?'Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently and
> whispered, 'Pillsbury-All-Purpose, isn't it?'And thus began Walter's
> life of celibacy.
> circumstances.While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Walter and
> his wife Ann, listened to the instructor declare, 'It is essential
> that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each
> other.He addressed the men.'Can you name and describe your wife's
> favorite flower?'Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently and
> whispered, 'Pillsbury-All-Purpose, isn't it?'And thus began Walter's
> life of celibacy.
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the
hash key..."
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.
'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."
13. A man takes his
Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "Why? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."
15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum
or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the
hash key..."
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.
'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."
13. A man takes his
Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "Why? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."
15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum
or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
Two Aussies are sitting down for a break in their about-to-be-opened new store. As yet, the store isn't ready although the shelving is all in place. One says to the other, 'I bet any minute now some dork of a tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling.'
No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious bloke walks to the window, has a peek, and in a Kiwi accent asks, 'What're yer sellin' here?'
One of the men replies, 'We're selling arseholes here mate.'
Without missing a beat, the Kiwi says, 'Geez, you must have had a bloody good day, you've only got two left!'
No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious bloke walks to the window, has a peek, and in a Kiwi accent asks, 'What're yer sellin' here?'
One of the men replies, 'We're selling arseholes here mate.'
Without missing a beat, the Kiwi says, 'Geez, you must have had a bloody good day, you've only got two left!'
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
> Golf Chuckle !! Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched
> in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing
> the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his
> hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll
> around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately
> began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist
> and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
> "Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man
> replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still
> clasping his hands at his groin. At her persistence, however, he
> finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid
> them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She
> administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and
> asked, "How does that feel?" He replied, "It feels great,
> but I still think my thumb's broken."
> Save our Environment - think before you print!This message may
> contain confidential information that is legally privileged and is
> intended only for the use of the parties to whom it is addressed. If
> you are not an intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any
> disclosure, copying, distribution or use of any information in this
> message is strictly prohibited. If you receive this message in error,
> please notify me immediately at the e-mail/telephone numbers above.
> in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing
> the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his
> hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll
> around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately
> began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist
> and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
> "Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man
> replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still
> clasping his hands at his groin. At her persistence, however, he
> finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid
> them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She
> administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and
> asked, "How does that feel?" He replied, "It feels great,
> but I still think my thumb's broken."
> Save our Environment - think before you print!This message may
> contain confidential information that is legally privileged and is
> intended only for the use of the parties to whom it is addressed. If
> you are not an intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any
> disclosure, copying, distribution or use of any information in this
> message is strictly prohibited. If you receive this message in error,
> please notify me immediately at the e-mail/telephone numbers above.
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
On one sunny afternoon in a farm there are three bulls - elder, middle-aged, and a young - talking to each other about a new bull moving-in to their farm.
"I'm here in this farm for more than 50 years now. And I earned my rights to have 50 cows during the years. I'm not sharing one of my cows with that new bull coming-in." grumbled by the elder bull.
"I've been here for 30 years and I earned my rights to own 30 cows and I don't neither desire to give any of my cows with that new bull." growled the middle-aged bull.
"I only been here for 10 years and I know I earned my 10 cows as much as you guys do. I will not give even a single of my cow." says the young bull.
Suddenly, a huge steel-container truck came by. Inside is the new bull they are discussing about. It's the biggest son-of-another-bull they've been seen in their whole life.Every step it took shake the whole ground.
"Well, I've been here for quite some time now. It doesn't hurt a bit to give some of my cows with our new guy." exclaimed by the elder bull.
"I'm a friendly bull, perhaps I can give some of my cows with our guy for a welcome present." told by the middle-aged bull.
The young bull was shaking his horns, puffing, and all as if ready for some deadly fight.
The elder bull said, "My son, let me give you quick advice, let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
The young bull replies "Heck, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."
"I'm here in this farm for more than 50 years now. And I earned my rights to have 50 cows during the years. I'm not sharing one of my cows with that new bull coming-in." grumbled by the elder bull.
"I've been here for 30 years and I earned my rights to own 30 cows and I don't neither desire to give any of my cows with that new bull." growled the middle-aged bull.
"I only been here for 10 years and I know I earned my 10 cows as much as you guys do. I will not give even a single of my cow." says the young bull.
Suddenly, a huge steel-container truck came by. Inside is the new bull they are discussing about. It's the biggest son-of-another-bull they've been seen in their whole life.Every step it took shake the whole ground.
"Well, I've been here for quite some time now. It doesn't hurt a bit to give some of my cows with our new guy." exclaimed by the elder bull.
"I'm a friendly bull, perhaps I can give some of my cows with our guy for a welcome present." told by the middle-aged bull.
The young bull was shaking his horns, puffing, and all as if ready for some deadly fight.
The elder bull said, "My son, let me give you quick advice, let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
The young bull replies "Heck, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."
-
lindosfan1
- Deceased
- Posts: 4069
- Joined: Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:26 pm
- Location: uk
another old one
----- A doctor in Ireland wants to get off work and go hunting, so he approaches his assistant. 'Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic,' he says. 'I want you to take care of the clinic and all me patients.'
'Yes, sir!' answers Seamus.
The doctor goes hunting, returns the following day and asks, 'So, Seamus, how was your day?
'Seamus tells him that he took care of three patients. 'The first one had a headache, so I gave him Tylenol.'
'Bravo, Seamus, and the second one?' asks the doctor.
'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Maalox, sir,' says Seamus.
'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this. And what about the third one?' asks the doctor.
'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman bursts into the room. Quick as a wink she undresses herself, tearing off every stitch of clothing including her bra and her panties, and lies down on the table. She spreads her legs and shouts, 'Help me, I beg you! It's been five years since I've seen a man!'
'Thunderin' Lord Jesus, Seamus, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
'I put drops in her eyes.'
'Yes, sir!' answers Seamus.
The doctor goes hunting, returns the following day and asks, 'So, Seamus, how was your day?
'Seamus tells him that he took care of three patients. 'The first one had a headache, so I gave him Tylenol.'
'Bravo, Seamus, and the second one?' asks the doctor.
'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Maalox, sir,' says Seamus.
'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this. And what about the third one?' asks the doctor.
'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman bursts into the room. Quick as a wink she undresses herself, tearing off every stitch of clothing including her bra and her panties, and lies down on the table. She spreads her legs and shouts, 'Help me, I beg you! It's been five years since I've seen a man!'
'Thunderin' Lord Jesus, Seamus, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
'I put drops in her eyes.'
-
(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. "Honey, are you okay?" he asks her. "Yes" she replies. "Then what are you doing?" he asks. "I wanted to prove to you that not all blonde women are dumb and I wanted to do it by painting the house." she replies. "Then why are you wearing a ski jacket over a fur coat?" he asks. "Well," she replies "I was reading the directions on the paint can and it said.....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."
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(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
There was a blonde, a brunette, a red-head and a bald woman stuck on a desert island.
The brunette decided to swim home, but got 1/3 of the way there and drowned, The red-had decided to try, but drowned 1/4 of the way there. The blonde decide that she had to risk it, so she swam 1/2 of the way there when she stopped and swam back.
"why did you come all the way back, when you were half way home?" screamed the bald woman. "well", said the blonde "I was going to carry on, but I got tired and thought I'd rest first".
The brunette decided to swim home, but got 1/3 of the way there and drowned, The red-had decided to try, but drowned 1/4 of the way there. The blonde decide that she had to risk it, so she swam 1/2 of the way there when she stopped and swam back.
"why did you come all the way back, when you were half way home?" screamed the bald woman. "well", said the blonde "I was going to carry on, but I got tired and thought I'd rest first".
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(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
A brunette woman goes into the dr.'s office.
She tells the Dr. : "It hurts all over my body."
He says: "point to where it hurts".
She points to her shoulder and yells "OUCH!". She then points to her hip and yells "OUCH!". Finally she points to her knee and screams in pain "OUCH!!!".
The Dr. asks her "Are you a true blonde and dyed your hair brown?"
She says: "yes, how did you know"?
He answers: "YOU HAVE A BROKEN FINGER!!!".
She tells the Dr. : "It hurts all over my body."
He says: "point to where it hurts".
She points to her shoulder and yells "OUCH!". She then points to her hip and yells "OUCH!". Finally she points to her knee and screams in pain "OUCH!!!".
The Dr. asks her "Are you a true blonde and dyed your hair brown?"
She says: "yes, how did you know"?
He answers: "YOU HAVE A BROKEN FINGER!!!".
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(buffalo) Bill
- Banned
- Posts: 802
- Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Opposite the new marina in downtown Hua Hin.
One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.
He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
"Well, hello there sir. So you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked.
The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
"Well, hello there sir. So you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked.
The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."