Best of British

[(buffalo) Bill]

>> > > Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
>> > --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> > >
I like this one!!!
>> > > If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

[(buffalo) Bill]

If flying is so safe,why do they call the airport the terminal?

[(buffalo) Bill]

Two drunks are in a pub.
One says to the other 'I've just fucked
your mother, pushed my dick down
her throat then boned her up the arse'.
The other drunk says 'I think you've had
enough to drink now, Dad'.

[(buffalo) Bill]

Two drunks are in a pub.
One says to the other 'I've just fucked
your mother, pushed my dick down
her throat then boned her up the arse'.
The other drunk says 'I think you've had
enough to drink now, Dad'.

[(buffalo) Bill]

A 13 year old girl sits on Santa's knee.
Santa says 'What would you like for Christmas?'
The girl says 'I want some hair round my vulva'.
Santa says 'Would a white beard be OK?'

[(buffalo) Bill]

A man goes into Supadrug and asks 'Have you got KY Jelly?'
'No, sorry', says the assistant, 'have you tried Boots?'
The man replies 'I wanted to slide it in, not fucking march it in!'

[(buffalo) Bill]

A man goes down on a woman and says 'Fuck,
that stinks!'
The woman says 'It's my arthritis'.
He says 'What, in your cunt ?'
She says 'No, in my shoulder, I can't wipe
my arse'.

[(buffalo) Bill]

A blonde phones the fire brigade and says
her house is on fire.
The fireman asks 'how do we get there ?'
'HELLOO!' she replies, 'In the fucking big
red truck!'

[(buffalo) Bill]

A tramp walks into a jewellers and
casually begins to finger his own arse .
The jeweller screams 'GET OUT'
The tramp points to the sign 'COME IN AND
PICK YOUR RING IN COMFORT!'

[(buffalo) Bill]

Teacher to class 'What does your dad do at
weekends?'
Little Johnny 'He's a dancer in a gay bar
and sometimes if the money's right, he
lets punters bang his arse and let them
come in his mouth'.
Teacher pulls him to one side and says
'Johnny, is that true?'
'No Miss, he goes to watch Carlton but I'm
too embarrassed to say that'.

[(buffalo) Bill]

A lesbian goes to the doctors and the
doctor says 'that is the cleanest vagina I
have ever seen'.
'Thank you' says the lesbian. 'I have a
woman in twice a week!'

[(buffalo) Bill]

Why do women have orgasms ?
So that they can moan even when they're
enjoying themselves.

[(buffalo) Bill]

If a woman is uncomfortable watching you
wank, do you think:
a. You need more time together ?
b. She's a fucking prude ?
c. She should have sat somewhere else on
the bus ?

[(buffalo) Bill]

A pregnant Irish girl phones home.
'Mam oi tink me waters have broke'.
'Oh me holy Jaysus where are ya ringing
from?'
'Oim ringing wet from me minge to me ankles'.

[(buffalo) Bill]

A man comes home from the pub very late
and very drunk.
His wife says 'OK smartarse, explain the
lipstick on your shirt'.
'Fcukin easy', he said. 'I used my shirt
to wipe my dick'.