Married and a bun in the oven

[Dannie Boy]

The baby is not a foriegn national.

Correct,I don't know how he did it, although obviously through the British Embassy in BKK - he got her a British Passport and they are both living in the UK, but definitely got the passport here to travel.

[caller]

as long as one of the parents is British , a British Passport can be issued. The child can have dual passports until 18 then a decision has to be made as to which passport they want thereafter

Frequently hear this. Its not easy to renounce British Citizenship and its not a requirement by the UK.

[advocate]

Ah the pros and cons of a registered Thai marriage, that old chestnut. Putting aside personal opinions here's a couple of pros to add to.

Pros

Right to stay in Thailand based on marriage for under 50s.
Child will be legitimate.
Facilitate visas for wife and child travelling or living outside Thailand
Wife gets only 50% of assets accrued after marriage.

True, but, you can name the child as a dependant for this visa, don't nneed to be married.
Illegitimacy no longer attracts stigma or affects inheritance.
If property is in your name, married or not, she will have to initiate court action to try and get a settlement, rather than the man. You are more likely to be able to offer her a settlement and avoid an expensive trial.

[dtaai-maai]

Advocate, you offer some good advice sometimes , but one of one of the main problems I have with your on-line persona is that you sometimes start from a worst case scenario. No offense intended. To be fair, the OP seems to be doing the same. But I have to say that if I were a newly wed expectant father, the last advice I'd want to receive is what to do when the shit hits the fan.

In my experience (most of it personal! ), when you're in love, you really don't want to hear what a dreadful mistake you're making, and my own advice to Richard, who seems to be looking for helpful advice and dire warnings in equal portions, would be to be very careful what advice you give if you value this guy's friendship. For all we know, it could be a marriage in a million.

For the record, I had a couple of very dodgy farang marriages in the UK and have been blissfully happy with Mrs D-M for 8 years.
I do recognise that many Thai-farang relationships go pear-shaped, but how many people who are, or think they are, in love want to hear about how their assets will be divided when they get divorced!

Buddha bless you all, and may your assets prosper.

[advocate]

[quote="dtaai-maai"]Advocate, you offer some good advice sometimes , but one of one of the main problems I have with your on-line persona is that you sometimes start from a worst case scenario. No offense intended. To be fair, the OP seems to be doing the same. But I have to say that if I were a newly wed expectant father, the last advice I'd want to receive is what to do when the shit hits the fan.

Point taken. But I'm a product of my education. As a barrister and solicitor, you are taught to always be prepared for the worst case scenario. Love is blind, and I have seen too many friends lose their shirt over here.

Richard asked for advice, and I trust he will approach the topic with his friend in a more diplomatic manner than I have.

I'm not all doom and gloom, and come across as much happier in person!

[Pleng]

If he insists on signing marriage papers, and buying property, best to buy the property before marriage and put it in a company name.

Is that even still possible?

Anyway, of course there's a lot of negativity based on what the OP has stated. Of course things could all be rosy and there be no problems - I'm sure that happens. The problem is trying to convince somebody to prepare for the worst, just in case. If he has those rose tints in his eyes then there's little you can do. And telling him horror stories of how it's gone wrong for other people is only more likely to push him towards "but our love is true" mentality.

You mention his mother in England, so in 'preparing for the worst' maybe try approaching it from that side. Ask him what happens if, after selling everything in England, his mother becomes is taken ill or falls into some financial crisis and he needs to get back quickly? If that stirs anything you could then introduce him to ideas like renting his house out in the UK and using the money from that to fund a rental plus extra living costs over here.

[richard]

Let me assure you of a few things

1) My friend and his village married wife are a very nice and happy couple
2) My friend is extremely intelligent but realises he has a lot to learn about Thailand
3) My friend has already heard some of the complications through 'bar chat'
4) My friend has no internet access at the moment so he asked me to ask the people and forums that I know
5) He really wants confirmation of the good points and the bad points.
6) He is in effect fact finding and seeking positive as well as negative comments and advice on the hoops he may have to go through

He has a few good friends here (most attended his wedding in Korat) and we all hope they will be happy together and want to advise and support the best we can.

His introduction to a Thai village wedding where he was the central farang surrounded by Thai family and friends has made him realise the power of the family influence in Thai relationships

Anyway, thanks for all the feedback. I'm sure he will appreciate it.

One person who is the g/f of another farang has poo pooed all the negative comments. Incidentally she is PA to a judge in BK. She may have an interior motif though

I'm such a cynic nowadays

[dtaai-maai]

She may have an interior motif though

Problem with those is they never come off, even with laser treatment.

[Lung Per]

I just love those letters that start "I am inquiring on behalf of a friend". "Dear Abby" over again.

So "Dear Friend in Dispair";

Your young and inexperienced friend sounds like a series of accidents waiting to happen. Then again, there are exceptions to the rule.

First thing I would do is get a blood test (DNA) of the newborn to verify that it is indeed yours.

Secondly, I would not marry in the TESSABAN, only in the Temple. A temple marriage is not legally binding. You will still have the same wedding party for the bride and her family. You can always marry in the Tessaban anytime later.

In the beginning phase I would rent, not buy a house. There are plenty of good houses to rent.

I would not give up any assets in my homeland so hastily.

So: First have the paternity verified by a reliable hospital (not the local village doctor). And do by all means insist on having it done despite all her tears. Is the baby indeed yours, wait a couple of years and see how things turn out and not until then, decide how you want to proceed.

What you give up in a moment of glory is almost impossible to retrieve later.

Good luck.

Yours sincerely,
Abby.

[GLCQuantum]

^^^^^

Advocate, you offer some good advice sometimes , but one of one of the main problems I have with your on-line persona is that you sometimes start from a worst case scenario. No offense intended. To be fair, the OP seems to be doing the same. But I have to say that if I were a newly wed expectant father, the last advice I'd want to receive is what to do when the shit hits the fan.

In my experience (most of it personal! ), when you're in love, you really don't want to hear what a dreadful mistake you're making, and my own advice to Richard, who seems to be looking for helpful advice and dire warnings in equal portions, would be to be very careful what advice you give if you value this guy's friendship. For all we know, it could be a marriage in a million.

For the record, I had a couple of very dodgy farang marriages in the UK and have been blissfully happy with Mrs D-M for 8 years.
I do recognise that many Thai-farang relationships go pear-shaped, but how many people who are, or think they are, in love want to hear about how their assets will be divided when they get divorced!

Buddha bless you all, and may your assets prosper.

Well put.

[Frank Hovis]

If he'd married a girl in the UK and gotten her up the duff he'd be sold for at least 50% of his assets and maintenance payments for 16 or 18 years if it goes pear shaped, having his marriage registered and a copy at the Brit.Emb. is no different (except no maintenance).
If it all goes well then the benefits or being married proper, to him here, and his wife and child(ren) should they want to go to the UK, are well worth it.

Lung Pers' diatribe is just bollocks. (sorry)

[BaaBaa.]

If he'd married a girl in the UK and gotten her up the duff he'd be sold for at least 50% of his assets and maintenance payments for 16 or 18 years if it goes pear shaped, having his marriage registered and a copy at the Brit.Emb. is no different (except no maintenance).
If it all goes well then the benefits or being married proper, to him here, and his wife and child(ren) should they want to go to the UK, are well worth it.

Lung Pers' diatribe is just bollocks. (sorry)

Don't think there is much wrong with the Temple marriage advice but it also does my head in to see people screaming DNA test. It's the kind of thing you'd get kicked into next week for if it was said to your face.

By the Thai GF.

[Lung Per]

If he'd married a girl in the UK and gotten her up the duff he'd be sold for at least 50% of his assets and maintenance payments for 16 or 18 years if it goes pear shaped, having his marriage registered and a copy at the Brit.Emb. is no different (except no maintenance).
If it all goes well then the benefits or being married proper, to him here, and his wife and child(ren) should they want to go to the UK, are well worth it.

Lung Pers' diatribe is just bollocks. (sorry)

Don't think there is much wrong with the Temple marriage advice but it also does my head in to see people screaming DNA test. It's the kind of thing you'd get kicked into next week for if it was said to your face.

By the Thai GF.

Said and done because of numerous examples of faul play by the Thai GF. Too many have a gik or Thai husband who turns out to be the real farther while the GF claims farang paternity because of his ability to pay. Not always the case - but nothing wrong in taking precautions. Remember, this is Thailand.
Love,
Abby

[Big Boy]

To me this entire thread is utter rubbish. If the guy has any doubts, why did he marry her? The circumstances are very similar to my own, with the exception that I took my wife to the UK rather than me move to Thailand. Only he can decide what is best for him. People readily share bad experiences, but are not so quick to share good experiences.

When I decided that we should marry, yes, I had plenty of advice telling me how stupid I was. This only served to make me more determined. I don't think anybody actually supported me outside of my father and brother, who had not even met my future wife to be at that time. I ws eternally thankful for this support.

Yes, we've all heard the horror stories, but how many members of this forum are not happy with their Thai wives? Of course, there will be a few, but then again, how many of the few have also had broken marriages/relationships in their own countries?

Personally, if I'd listened to all of the advice, I'd have lost well over 20 years of happiness.

I would certainly not be asking a 3rd party to check it out for me. If I was incapable of doing it myself, then I don't think that I should have been getting married - diminished responsibility and all that.

[margaretcarnes]

[quote="Frank Hovis"]If he'd married a girl in the UK and gotten her up the duff he'd be sold for at least 50% of his assets and maintenance payments for 16 or 18 years if it goes pear shaped, having his marriage registered and a copy at the Brit.Emb. is no different (except no maintenance).
If it all goes well then the benefits or being married proper, to him here, and his wife and child(ren) should they want to go to the UK, are well worth

Sorry Frank you are a bit out of date I think. The UK now has the CSA - which fails miserably in collecting maintenance payments anyway, and many guys who get girls here 'up the duff' simply do a runner. (Providing of course that the girl knows which guy it is.)

I do agree with Dtaai Maai that hopefully all will turn out OK, but the guy is young (ish) to be burning his boats. My immediate reaction was that he can't find a woman who will tolerate him back home to be honest, so it's maybe his last chance. If so best of luck to him, but what we don't know - and is maybe worthy of some research - is the proportion of farang/Thai marriages which fail as compared to the number of farang/farang marriages which fail. That is the only way to get a realistic - ish - idea.
The other suggestion earlier that he rents out his UK property is of course sound. Providing that he doesn't need to sell it to fund his venture into the unknown.
But if he does decide to rent out a word of caution. He should rent it only to a family who can fill the property - in other words who will use all of the bedrooms. Because from next April any tenants who need to claim Housing Benefit, and who have un-occupied bedrooms, will face a cut in their housing benefit.
Meanwhile maybe GLC could ask his Dad to comment?