Mossies

[Jaime]

That might be acceptable where you come from but in the squirrel milking region of Bohemia you would have been forcibly milked by a Carpathian bear for doing that.

[Guess]

The last time I was back in the UK, my father borrowed a high powered air rifle to shoot the b******s.
We had great fun in the garden taking target practice at hand drawn cartoons of said squirrels.
They're a menace, although I appreciate I may not quite understand the full meaning of this thread.

They may be a menace but to this date after many close encounters with the adorable furry creatures has one ever abused my wife, abused, me, abused my children or ordered a beer and refused to pay the bill. They also can do some very amusing tricks. My ebncounter only led to the wrist severing incident becaues I was getting frustated and probably queezed is testackle a little too hard before realising that they were not mammary glands.

They do have the annoying habit though of raiding the fridge at night and cleaning ne out of Taboo.

[lomuamart]

That might be acceptable where you come from but in the squirrel milking region of Bohemia you would have been forcibly milked by a Carpathian bear for doing that.

I'll leave the squirrels alone in Bohemia then. Thanks for the advice.

[Jaime]

I think we might have milked this one to its fullest extent now!

[Randy Cornhole]

most people don't know this but the Thai Squi-rell (local dialect) has 3 local milking positions.
Standing, keeling and the lesser used aggressive bunce stance.
the standing stance (circa 1769) is rarely used these days. But the kneeling and the aggressive bunce is seen often.
A squi-rell's kneeling stance depicts a scene from 'Easterners' between Barry and Peggy and is a common form of binding between mammal and aphid. The bunce is a twat of an affair and balances opine politics and the need to pee.
When all said and done 'one in the hand is worth two in Kate Bush.

[Guess]

That might be acceptable where you come from but in the squirrel milking region of Bohemia you would have been forcibly milked by a Carpathian bear for doing that.

Jaime, what part of Lomu's body would they try to extrcat the milk and would they be concerned about the alchohol content?

I have seen a drunken Carpathian Bear once in Balls Pond Road and it is not a pretty site.

[Jaime]

I believe it would be from the nipples. Very painful for a milkless male recipient, especially since the Carpathian bear has barbed claws and is renowned for its clumsy milking action, during which it often becomes aroused.

Public milking by Carpathian bear is the standard punishment for squirrel-worrying in Bohemia. Indeed, it is the only sentence that a judge can pass down for the offence and takes place every full moon in Wenceslas Square, Prague. It is customary for the judge to be naked save for the wearing of a squirrel fur merkin atop a specially shaved pate. During the passing down of sentence it is traditional for the judge to become aroused.

Hordes of 4 or 5 people gather to witness the punishment. Many are expert squirrel milkers and indulge in a communal squirrel milking, during which they or the squirrel may either become aroused or gnawed.

It is a strange coincidence but Randy's description of the 'aggressive bunce' Thai squi-rell milking position is reminiscent of the 'creaking grunt' posture adopted by the Carpathian bear during the forced public milking of convicted squirrel-worriers.

By the way, Carpathian bear milk is dangerous and should NEVER be substituted for squirrel milk.

[Jaime]

Whilst spying on my neighbour from a nearby tree this afternoon I saw him milking his cat. I have never seen a cat milked before. Except in an encyclopaedia of course.

I will have to ask him if the cat milk has any mosquito repellent properties. I will report back soon.

[caller]

I think you'll find that the breed and age of a cat will have a bearing on the mossie repellent properties contained within its milk. Also whether it was milked using natural methods as opossed to titillation.

[Guess]

I believe it would be from the nipples. Very painful for a milkless male recipient, especially since the Carpathian bear has barbed claws and is renowned for its clumsy milking action, during which it often becomes aroused.

Does this mean that lomu would get severely rogered by the rampant Carpathian poof.

BTW was your recent move to Chavland to escaoe mosquitos, our is it that houses are easier to burgle or is it just the fact that fake Burberry hats and pol shirts are more obtainable.

BTW has the art of spitting on the floor every twenty seconds been perfected yet and have you picked up any of the lingo. I believe it to be tonal (i.e Uh, Uhh and Uha have three completely differnt meanings). I believe you need a hooded anorak to perfect the language and learn a vocabulary of at lest thirty two different grunting sounds.

When caught with a ladder outside you neigbour's house you have to convince the owners and the authorities that you was not doing anyfink wrong and you just had lost your f**cking keys mate and forgot where you lived.

[Randy Cornhole]

Correct Jamie - Carpathian Bear milk is indeed very dangerous to most but the plain wandering nomadic hill tribes of north east Bloon who use it to bind the tethers of their flying sandals with only minor side effects, notably - blindness and aggressive finger loss. I also believe my uncle Lester once used it to clean his hunting moccasins but unfortunately died as a result. A lesson to us all i think!
Does anyone know where i can acquire a professional 'Buffalo Worrier' as i require one for research into motorcycle engine seizures.
Many thanks.

[Jaime]

Help - I have been kidnapped by a cat-milking ring.

I think one of them (who has a rectal fidget and an ear gromit) is also a Buffalo Worrier but I am afraid to ask.

Luckily I have perfected the art of internet mind control but just these few sentences have proved to be exhausting.

Must... go..... now...... my captors will...... return soon.

*Miiaaaoowww*

[Randy Cornhole]

Don't whatever you do speak the word 'plinth' as it is their secret word and unleashes the heard of brethren to bestow great sore on your body.
best stick to the word 'Hostel' and pass the waters of smup unaided.

[Guess]

The extreme Mossies are re-grouping. In the no mans unpoliced land on the boder of Afghanistan and Pakistan the Taliban are gaing momentum again. their objective is to retake Afghanistan.

This area and our closest neighbours are where the UK and the US should be concentrating their efforts. Unfortunately there is no oil at stake so it probably will not happen. The police men of the world or latter day Mafioso.

BTW these Mossies like their insect cousins kill indiscriminately and are much more effective and IMHO have lost the right to remain on this planet.

[Jaime]

BTW was your recent move to Chavland to escaoe mosquitos, our is it that houses are easier to burgle or is it just the fact that fake Burberry hats and pol shirts are more obtainable.

Unfortunately I did not move to Chavland but the Chavs have extended their evil empire to my street and I am beseiged by the f@*%ers! When a Chav moves in next door the price of your house drops by half.

However, now that I have eaten my neighbour (splayed in batter) and his milking ring (raw) after surprising them with the word 'Hostel' followed by my Viennese grapefruit spoon manoeuvre I have a plan to eradicate the Chavs. It is a variation on the 240V electrified stainless steel bowl of milk ruse that I used to eliminate the cat problem from my back garden. Local hedgehogs were collateral damage but what the f@*% it was free meat and it is a well known fact that hedgehogs are vermin, brought to Britain in a leather pouch astride the Elgin Marbles and subsequently responsible for the near extinction through carnivorous predation of the native red squirrel - hence the price of Lleyn Peninsula red squirrel milk - second only to Bohemian squirrel milk in quality but stronger and, some say, more flavoursome to the touch.