Couldn't have said it better myself!buksida wrote:The bride and groom in question need to decide on their personal situation and explain it to both families, they are the ones getting married, they are the ones who have to live with each other forever. If the family doesnt agree and makes demands for stupid amounts of money I'm afraid this pattern will continue for a long long time be it directly or indirectly.
Dowry
Girlfriends parents
Yeah true, why bother to grasp any foreign cullture when you can just drag around your own wherever you go. To summarise. What you do in your own country is OK and what others do in their country is wrong? You ever heard the expression "When in Rome"? If you aren't even going to make an effort to understand other cultures why travel in the first place. Thai's have a support system and family is everything. Without it ordinary Thai's just go under. Its a web of relationships underpinning everything. Do you really think your girl friend could have any happiness knowing she has a secure comfortable life and her parents don't? It's no wonder so many dumb farangs end up unhappy in relationships with Thai women if your arrogance is typical. Do everyone a favour and get a girl from back home keep your miserable meaness and money in deep pockets and you will be better off.oasisdave wrote:one of my friends asked me when do i ever give my parents any money
answer NEVER.
so why should i give my g/fs parents money.
As I wrote earlier, I didn't actually pay anything sin sot wise. If that was going to cause a problem however, I would have definately given what I could have afforded, so as not to cause any family problems, bad feeling etc.
As stated above "when in Rome" & all that, you have to respect other peoples cultures. If you can't respect your own wifes culture, there's someting quite wrong!
As stated above "when in Rome" & all that, you have to respect other peoples cultures. If you can't respect your own wifes culture, there's someting quite wrong!
dowry
Hi Roberto
Can understand your point of view.But in the past a friend who paid the dowry 100,000baht to his wifes parents in Buriram.Who squandered the money and done nothing apart from drinking it away.So it does make you think is it worth giving this money.When they do nothing worthwhile with it.Iam by no means tight and think i could put the money to better use.Like using the money for a visa and flight back to the uk.
DAVE
Can understand your point of view.But in the past a friend who paid the dowry 100,000baht to his wifes parents in Buriram.Who squandered the money and done nothing apart from drinking it away.So it does make you think is it worth giving this money.When they do nothing worthwhile with it.Iam by no means tight and think i could put the money to better use.Like using the money for a visa and flight back to the uk.
DAVE
Re: dowry
What difference does it make if they use the money for their own entertainment? The money is a write-off whatever gets done with it!oasisdave wrote:Hi Roberto
Can understand your point of view.But in the past a friend who paid the dowry 100,000baht to his wifes parents in Buriram.Who squandered the money and done nothing apart from drinking it away.So it does make you think is it worth giving this money.When they do nothing worthwhile with it.Iam by no means tight and think i could put the money to better use.Like using the money for a visa and flight back to the uk.
DAVE
With this blanket approach there is no closing of the cultural gap, no understanding. I fear that in this situation it will always be 'them and us.' Never Khun Dave, just 'fa-lang,' always the outsider with a wife/gf pretending to go along with it all. If you are both happy with that then obviously that is fine and your personal life is your own but it is not so much the reluctance to pay the dowry (as Buksida posted that is something to be considered on a case by case basis) but the dismissive nature of the approach that goes with it that rings the alarm bells for me.
It has to be a personal thing.
On the other forum that shall not be named you get dickheads all the time writing moronically about this subject.
It seems like I'm not the only one on this forum that agreed and paid a dowry.
It was based very much on the new wifes and families personal circumstances - which I know about and have seen with my own eyes and ultimatley agreed between my wife and I.
But I have never heard of 7k UK sterling before.
On the other forum that shall not be named you get dickheads all the time writing moronically about this subject.
It seems like I'm not the only one on this forum that agreed and paid a dowry.
It was based very much on the new wifes and families personal circumstances - which I know about and have seen with my own eyes and ultimatley agreed between my wife and I.
But I have never heard of 7k UK sterling before.
Talk is cheap
Dowry
Guys
As I started this thread some replies have had me thinking did I have the correct amount. I know it seemed a lot to me at the time (especially as my g/f, her sister, is far prettier so I may have to pay more!). Therefore I have been checking my old emails and in Feb 2005, they got married 24th Dec 2004, I refer to the amount and it was 500,000 Baht.
What I will say is that the husband is very naive about Thailand. He met her via the internet, visited for 3 weeks and proposed and married her on the next visit.
But I must also repeat that they are not Bargirls, their Father owns a largish farm and was also something to do with organising farm work for the whole village before he had his car accident and subsequent stroke leaving him in a wheelchair. There is a large sign on the roof of their house so I asked my g/f what it was and it is to do with directing people to their house for farm work.
As I started this thread some replies have had me thinking did I have the correct amount. I know it seemed a lot to me at the time (especially as my g/f, her sister, is far prettier so I may have to pay more!). Therefore I have been checking my old emails and in Feb 2005, they got married 24th Dec 2004, I refer to the amount and it was 500,000 Baht.
What I will say is that the husband is very naive about Thailand. He met her via the internet, visited for 3 weeks and proposed and married her on the next visit.
But I must also repeat that they are not Bargirls, their Father owns a largish farm and was also something to do with organising farm work for the whole village before he had his car accident and subsequent stroke leaving him in a wheelchair. There is a large sign on the roof of their house so I asked my g/f what it was and it is to do with directing people to their house for farm work.
'If you didn't have a wasted youth you wasted your youth'
Man in pub circa 1987.
Man in pub circa 1987.
The status of the girl's family seems to be of some worth locally but maybe you could ask yourself the following questions in order to satisfy yourself as to whether this amount is excessive:
1. Who would the girl's suitors be if the farang had not arrived on the scene?
2. Would they have 500,000 baht to part with?
1. Who would the girl's suitors be if the farang had not arrived on the scene?
2. Would they have 500,000 baht to part with?
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Guess
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Most of what I think has been said already.
There is no figure but the original poster's quote seems way over the top.
In my experience I have heard of anything from 40,000 Baht to 250,00 Baht.
I am married to a Thai national but not from a simailar culture to that of the North. I paid nothing. In India (I have never heard of any dowry in the west except for traditional stuff like the Greek Wedding etc.) the dowry is the other way round but again the amount would depend entirely on class. There are however mutually consenting marriage agencies in the west where Indian Women are prepared to marry a farang but of course then the money goes the other way.
It is really a matter up to the persons involved and the families making absolutely sure that you are not just being ripped off fo having white skin and coming from a country where money grows on trees.
Personally I would rather shoot myuself in the head than pay to marry a women. Im am used to making payment at divorce time. We are then talking about amounts far in excess of 10,00 PST. More like 150,000 PST in my case.
Take that fact into consideration aswell. As Buksi says it is supposed to be a one off transaction and I believe it is possible to obtain a legal contract.
You need to check that one out on your own.
There is no figure but the original poster's quote seems way over the top.
In my experience I have heard of anything from 40,000 Baht to 250,00 Baht.
I am married to a Thai national but not from a simailar culture to that of the North. I paid nothing. In India (I have never heard of any dowry in the west except for traditional stuff like the Greek Wedding etc.) the dowry is the other way round but again the amount would depend entirely on class. There are however mutually consenting marriage agencies in the west where Indian Women are prepared to marry a farang but of course then the money goes the other way.
It is really a matter up to the persons involved and the families making absolutely sure that you are not just being ripped off fo having white skin and coming from a country where money grows on trees.
Personally I would rather shoot myuself in the head than pay to marry a women. Im am used to making payment at divorce time. We are then talking about amounts far in excess of 10,00 PST. More like 150,000 PST in my case.
Take that fact into consideration aswell. As Buksi says it is supposed to be a one off transaction and I believe it is possible to obtain a legal contract.
You need to check that one out on your own.
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'
I've inquired about this matter of a couple of Thai men whom I much respect. They both said the dowry (sin sod)
is only paid on the first marriage and only if the bride is a virgin. It is never paid for used goods, ever.
If the lady has kids from the first marriage or other colorful past, they'd expect to be paid to take
care of the other man's kids.
I know some guys have made it clear from the day one that the marriage is a farang marriage and they both
do as farang do. He does not expect her to be a virgo intacta, he’s not paying sin sod nor is he sending any money to
bride's family. A very clear-cut situation, this one. This is Thai marrying into farang culture.
Now, most of the marriages I’ve seen in T-land are a quite unhappy mix of the two cultures so blissfully united:
she’s pure as driven slush, he’s paying more than a courtesan’s ransom in sin sod for shop-soiled merchandise
and he keeps on sending the money (knowingly or unknowingly) to support the laid-back life-style of the bride’s family.
The two packs of the cultures together thusly shuffled seem to be stacked against the farang and are dealt from the bottom.
Then again, maybe this is how the Romans in Thailand do and farang is expected to take it all with a silly grin.
And, of course, the fool in his paradise is in a paradise and is enjoying it all. May he never open his eyes.
I've inquired about this matter of a couple of Thai men whom I much respect. They both said the dowry (sin sod)
is only paid on the first marriage and only if the bride is a virgin. It is never paid for used goods, ever.
If the lady has kids from the first marriage or other colorful past, they'd expect to be paid to take
care of the other man's kids.
I know some guys have made it clear from the day one that the marriage is a farang marriage and they both
do as farang do. He does not expect her to be a virgo intacta, he’s not paying sin sod nor is he sending any money to
bride's family. A very clear-cut situation, this one. This is Thai marrying into farang culture.
Now, most of the marriages I’ve seen in T-land are a quite unhappy mix of the two cultures so blissfully united:
she’s pure as driven slush, he’s paying more than a courtesan’s ransom in sin sod for shop-soiled merchandise
and he keeps on sending the money (knowingly or unknowingly) to support the laid-back life-style of the bride’s family.
The two packs of the cultures together thusly shuffled seem to be stacked against the farang and are dealt from the bottom.
Then again, maybe this is how the Romans in Thailand do and farang is expected to take it all with a silly grin.
And, of course, the fool in his paradise is in a paradise and is enjoying it all. May he never open his eyes.
"There's no plausible or convincing reason, certainly no evidential one, to believe that there is such an entity (= deity) and that all observable phenomena, including the cosmological ones... are explicable without the hypothesis; you don't need the assumption."
There is a lot of truth in this, different regions of Thailand do things differently and that includes dowries. Again it comes back to the family in question and their motives, it has little bearing on the background of the bride to be.Guess wrote: I am married to a Thai national but not from a simailar culture to that of the North. I paid nothing. In India (I have never heard of any dowry in the west except for traditional stuff like the Greek Wedding etc.) the dowry is the other way round but again the amount would depend entirely on class.
Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? - Hunter S Thompson
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Mongo Slade
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Farang, thanks for sheding some light on my question. Now feel I don't have to pay a kings ransom, just what I feel is reasonable.
I respect my g/f a great deal and feel very lucky that we found each other. When you find someone whom you can trust and the feeling is mutual, I for one want to keep her happy and follow tradition anyway....she's worth it to me. She has never asked me for a dime and when I bought her an engagement ring, she chose the least expensive one.
I respect my g/f a great deal and feel very lucky that we found each other. When you find someone whom you can trust and the feeling is mutual, I for one want to keep her happy and follow tradition anyway....she's worth it to me. She has never asked me for a dime and when I bought her an engagement ring, she chose the least expensive one.
One must always revisit the past in order to move ahead to the future.
When I married my Thai wife, I paid a dowry. It's something I felt was a tradition with them, so went ahead with it. It was, after all, my own money. Some of it did come back, in the form of paying for the wedding party, etc, so I did not complain.
When my wife's younger sister got married to a Thai, he had to do exactly as I did, same amount too. No discrimination there.
You don't need to part with a king's ransom; but then again, you can't act like a beggar either.
When my wife's younger sister got married to a Thai, he had to do exactly as I did, same amount too. No discrimination there.
You don't need to part with a king's ransom; but then again, you can't act like a beggar either.
วินเชนท์
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Guess
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If that is the case then money should not be an issue so long as you are sure that you are not being ripped off. I have heard of cases of women waiting years with a farang and then pick the right moment to cut and run. I believe though that this is only in a minority of Thai/farang marriages and its take a special kind os person to keep up the pretence for any length of time.Mongo Slade wrote:
I respect my g/f a great deal and feel very lucky that we found each other. When you find someone whom you can trust and the feeling is mutual, I for one want to keep her happy and follow tradition anyway....she's worth it to me. She has never asked me for a dime and when I bought her an engagement ring, she chose the least expensive one.
Your later statement indicates that this is not the case here. Another point to make here is that IMO the difference between individuals way outweighs the difference between farang man and Thai woman.
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This is about it.Farang wrote:'
I've inquired about this matter of a couple of Thai men whom I much respect. They both said the dowry (sin sod)
is only paid on the first marriage and only if the bride is a virgin. It is never paid for used goods, ever.
If the lady has kids from the first marriage or other colorful past, they'd expect to be paid to take
care of the other man's kids.
I know some guys have made it clear from the day one that the marriage is a farang marriage and they both
do as farang do. He does not expect her to be a virgo intacta, he’s not paying sin sod nor is he sending any money to
bride's family. A very clear-cut situation, this one. This is Thai marrying into farang culture.
Now, most of the marriages I’ve seen in T-land are a quite unhappy mix of the two cultures so blissfully united:
she’s pure as driven slush, he’s paying more than a courtesan’s ransom in sin sod for shop-soiled merchandise
and he keeps on sending the money (knowingly or unknowingly) to support the laid-back life-style of the bride’s family.
The two packs of the cultures together thusly shuffled seem to be stacked against the farang and are dealt from the bottom.
Then again, maybe this is how the Romans in Thailand do and farang is expected to take it all with a silly grin.
And, of course, the fool in his paradise is in a paradise and is enjoying it all. May he never open his eyes.
Calc's that come to mind are Social standing and Education + Parents income these are all plus, the negatives are BG and Children.
We are now in the 21st Century not the19th.
Stop dreaming you are paying for it.