Did you leave kids behind to come here?

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Re: Did you leave kids behind to come here?

Post by nanyang » Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:36 pm

oakdale160 wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:58 am
I also wonder how a woman can marry and have children with a man who they know has abandoned his first family. Of course for many Thai ladies "The future" is next week.
:D 'Next week'! Tomorrow might be more accurate.

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Re: Did you leave kids behind to come here?

Post by Takiap » Sun Aug 12, 2018 7:23 am

I guess I must be a bit abnormal hahaha, because I have never even considered the idea of my parenting responsibilities ending when my kids reach a certain age. Perhaps I waited to long to have children, but for me, my kids will be my kids until the day I die. They really mean everything to me and they always will. I can only speak for myself, and say that I honestly don't think I could go on living if I suddenly couldn't see my kids again.

I have basically been a single Dad almost all their lives, and there have been thousands of times they have driven me up the wall, but I love them to the moon and back, and that will never change.

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Re: Did you leave kids behind to come here?

Post by migrant » Sun Aug 12, 2018 7:40 am

Takiap wrote:
Sun Aug 12, 2018 7:23 am
I guess I must be a bit abnormal hahaha, because I have never even considered the idea of my parenting responsibilities ending when my kids reach a certain age.
I agree (especially the abnormal part!!). My son is 32, my daughter 29. When my son bought his home I helped financially, and when my daughter buys one I'll do the same. We do a family vacation once a year with kids, spouses and grandkids. We talk fairly regularly and they still ask for advice so I know they also still look at me as their father.

I'm appreciative of them, and they, I (I believe). I left home at 15, my Mother died then and my father, and I, did not have much contact.

My wife (the second, current one) has no kids and she worries what will happen when I kick off and she is older.
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Re: Did you leave kids behind to come here?

Post by Lost » Sun Aug 12, 2018 8:04 am

Takiap wrote:
Sun Aug 12, 2018 7:23 am
I guess I must be a bit abnormal hahaha, because I have never even considered the idea of my parenting responsibilities ending when my kids reach a certain age. Perhaps I waited to long to have children, but for me, my kids will be my kids until the day I die. They really mean everything to me and they always will. I can only speak for myself, and say that I honestly don't think I could go on living if I suddenly couldn't see my kids again.

I have basically been a single Dad almost all their lives, and there have been thousands of times they have driven me up the wall, but I love them to the moon and back, and that will never change.

:cheers:
Nice too know there are good parents present here. Spot on! :cheers:
I agree (especially the abnormal part!!). My son is 32, my daughter 29. When my son bought his home I helped financially, and when my daughter buys one I'll do the same. We do a family vacation once a year with kids, spouses and grandkids. We talk fairly regularly and they still ask for advice so I know they also still look at me as their father.
Good on ya. That's the other thing I don't understand... not seeing you kids for years (or more) at a time and not being bothered about it. Some that I ask "How the kids getting on?"

"Assume they're ok. Haven't spoken to 'em for months". Real top parenting there! :banghead:

It's basically washing your hands of them. If they are teenagers, that you left behind, you are missing important parts of their life. Supporting them through, and their finishing of, higher education. Boyfriends/girlfriends leading to marriage perhaps... you are absent for the new family. Them starting new careers and your support through that... absent for that too. Don't worry though...

Out of sight out of mind. You enjoy your Chang by the beach buddy.

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Re: Did you leave kids behind to come here?

Post by migrant » Sun Aug 12, 2018 8:34 am

When kids approach, and are in, their teens many try to distance themselves from their parents, they aren't "cool".
So perhaps some parents, at this point may think "It's ok to leave, they aren't interested in me, so why should I". But as they approach, and enter, their 20's it usually reverses and the kids start respecting their parents.
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Re: Did you leave kids behind to come here?

Post by Lost » Sun Aug 12, 2018 8:34 am

I also think the advent of FB, whatsapp can be bad thing as before, when living apart from kids or other family members, people would 'go out their way' to pick up the phone to chat to family from afar.

Nowadays, many people think sending a few messages now and then on FB gives him/her a tick in the box for 'keeping in touch'. FB messenger, Whatsapp is great for calling family for free which I take advantage of multiple times on a weekly basis. Sending messages now and then is a cop out if you ask me.

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Re: Did you leave kids behind to come here?

Post by Lost » Sun Aug 12, 2018 8:44 am

migrant wrote:
Sun Aug 12, 2018 8:34 am
When kids approach, and are in, their teens many try to distance themselves from their parents, they aren't "cool".
So perhaps some parents, at this point may think "It's ok to leave, they aren't interested in me, so why should I". But as they approach, and enter, their 20's it usually reverses and the kids start respecting their parents.
Absolutely. Teenagers can be a nightmare. It's the most difficult, testing time of parenting (mine were a handful, believe me) and it's a time when many parents give up. It's the time that separates the strong parenting from the weak. To 'lose interest' during those times is terrible imho. To leave them to be in a different country altogether to you is worse.

Only my opinion. Just how I was raised I suppose. I don't think a kid should have been had if he/she couldn't be homed and supported through to their twenties (at very least). I also wouldn't bring a child here during their UK education as I'd be giving them less chance of a good career (Unless I could afford international school education) If kids were born here, I don't see a problem with putting them through standard schooling. Things should get put back with the kids need a priority.

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Re: Did you leave kids behind to come here?

Post by Big Boy » Sun Aug 12, 2018 8:54 am

Lost wrote:
Sun Aug 12, 2018 8:44 am
I don't think a kid should have been had if he/she couldn't be homed and supported through to their twenties (at very least).
I wonder how many of us were considering a life in a different country when our kids were born. I wasn't.
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Re: Did you leave kids behind to come here?

Post by Lost » Sun Aug 12, 2018 9:06 am

Big Boy wrote:
Sun Aug 12, 2018 8:54 am
Lost wrote:
Sun Aug 12, 2018 8:44 am
I don't think a kid should have been had if he/she couldn't be homed and supported through to their twenties (at very least).
I wonder how many of us were considering a life in a different country when our kids were born. I wasn't.
But that's the whole point, isn't it? Once you've decided to have children it (should) completely restricts your options until they have properly grown up and are ready to go it alone. That move to another country on the cards, surely has to wait. When you get a dog for example, you know that holidaying is now going to be an issue. Moving is going to be an issue. It's a commitment. Wherever you go - doggie goes to.

Kids are probably just as important as dogs... probably.

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Re: Did you leave kids behind to come here?

Post by laphanphon » Sun Aug 12, 2018 9:15 am

Bingo....we have winner. If you're going to have kids, do raise them properly and prepare them for the world. At least till they are done their education. They should be priority 1.

Any further is optional.

People that come here, and start a family at 60+ years old, that just ain't right. Chances are you will not be around to finish the job.
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Re: Did you leave kids behind to come here?

Post by georgy » Sun Aug 12, 2018 7:28 pm

laphanphon wrote:Bingo....we have winner. If you're going to have kids, do raise them properly and prepare them for the world. At least till they are done their education. They should be priority 1.

Any further is optional.

People that come here, and start a family at 60+ years old, that just ain't right. Chances are you will not be around to finish the job.
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Re: Did you leave kids behind to come here?

Post by oakdale160 » Sun Aug 12, 2018 7:59 pm

I am struck by how men who start a second family later in life almost always say about themselves that they are much better fathers the second time around.

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Re: Did you leave kids behind to come here?

Post by MDMK » Sun Aug 12, 2018 10:12 pm

oakdale160 wrote:
Sun Aug 12, 2018 7:59 pm
I am struck by how men who start a second family later in life almost always say about themselves that they are much better fathers the second time around.
I hear the same from women who have divorced, remarried and had another baby in their late 40s.

I take it with a liberal dose of salt.

I think they often feel they have to defend their decision, as much to themselves as to others. And I would assume this is the same with men.

I doubt very much a man of 60 or a woman of 50 will come right out and say "wtf was i thinking".

I think we might get a bit more patient as we get older, the type of patience that's good with little kids and animals, so that would be a plus, and maybe as we get older we find it easier to take pleasure in the little things in life... but as for the rest... nope, I don't believe it.

Anyway, who is the judge of good parenting, the kids being parented or the parents doing it?

A guy fathering a child at 65 might feel he is doing a very good job, and maybe he is at that young life-stage of the child, but when the child is 15 and needing picked up from football practice and an 80 yr old rocks up?

A 4 yr old has no peer pressure, feels no embarrassment that mummy or daddy look more like granny and grandpa. But a teenager sure as hell does.

Most people say the teenage years are the toughest. My friend who remarried and had a baby at 48, when her other 2 were teenagers she was in her late 30s, early 40s, and she was pulling her hair out for years. She used to joke about having aged two decades in 5 yrs. When this one is 17 she will be 65, her husband will be early 70s. Does she think it's suddenly going to be easier?

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