And I thought this was going to be different.

[Digger]

Anothermug
Hey mate,time to get a smile on your face.I have just read your initial post and if all you are losing is a house in Ho Hin and a lot of dignity thats not so much.
The way i read it,you married her and took her back to UK so its not impractical to assume that she is actually entitled to half your uk assets and half your pension so time to move on as you got off quite cheaply.

[huahinsimon]

Everyones situation is different and I was more than happy to put our house in my wife and daughters name.
After 15 years of happiness and hard work, they deserve everything they have got.

I'm with you on this, ozuncle. When I buy some land and get a house built it will all be in my wife's name (we're not married yet, but we've been together for nearly 4 very happy years and will be married by this time next year). As I see it, it's simply a way of providing some long term security for her.

a personal relationship of almost any kind is worth bugger all if it doesn't include complete trust. Both ways.

'Rent/Lease, don't buy' is obviously a well-known expression in the English language. It's a crying shame to read it in this context.

Paul McCartney? I'm sure he'll manage to scrape by, and maybe - just maybe - he's learned something.

Ozu: After 15 years, I'd agree: go ahead and get married. They do deserve it. And here I am agreeing with you, even after the uncomplimentary:thumb:

After 4 years, mate, don't know if that meet the statute of trust, but you pays yer money and takes yer chances.
you did say: "As I see it, it's simply a way of providing some long term security for her." There are more ways than marriage to provide long term security, without opening yourself to disaster at retirement age.

Anothermug had complete trust but it didnt go both ways, did it/ and you are proved right, that relationship wasn't worth bugger all. Well not to him but worth 10 million baht to the lovely.

Am I missing something or are only those who won the marriage lottery, ie, havent gotten burned, who are all gung ho on the Thai -farang marriage and advise others to throw caution to the wind and take a chance.

Leonardo da Vinci had a good comment on marriage: Its like putting your hand into a bad of snakes on the hopes of pulling out an ell. Now I'm not a pessimist, really!! but do like to move with a bit of caution.
Don't more than 50% of marriages end in divorce? and if you be of retirement age, its too late to start over.

So I'd like to ask Anothermug. When you come out of this and find another prospect for the mating game, are you going to take the offered advice of "complete trust" they deserve it (your assets), for marrying you, and get married again? or you going to take some other advice, knowing that you can still arrange financial affairs to ensure the financial security of your new partner, should she deserve it?

Just wondering.

Dtaai, I'm sure Sir Paul did learn something. Probably, he learned Rent/Lease/Prenuptual Agreement. Yea he'll get along, but we are worried about Anothermug, who is not in the same circumstances, unless he's holding aback on us.

and to all these mugs who say write it off, stop flogging that 10 million baht dead horse, which maybe aint dead, put a smile on your face, and you got off cheaply, you can really empathise with THE near destruction of this man's financial, and emotional life, can't you. You put on his moccasins and walked a mile, havent you, THAT IS IF HE'S NOT HAVING US ON!!

HHS

[Wanderlust]

Fair points hhs, and the only thing I'd like to comment on is the advice given by others regarding writing the money off etc, which i think has been given because of the emotional stress that pursuing it can put you under (I have walked that mile myself), and normally extra financial stress with the necessary use of lawyers; sometimes for your own well being, financial, mental and physical (the reaction of the ex can threaten you physically!) it can be worth starting afresh and putting it behind you. Depending on circumstances, going after the money can take years, and with no real guarantee of success because of the law in Thailand. It would wear anyone down, so the other option of just writing it off and accepting the situation can actually save you a lot of headaches and leave you a happier person.

[DawnHRD]

Just two things, HHS.

One is, as a woman, I dislike the terminology 'Rent/Lease, don't buy' - regardless of how you personally meant it. I find it offensive. The term reduces women to inanimate objects or property. I'm not sure (from how you've explained your meaning) you've used the best terminology to make your point.

The other: Anothermug is not having us on. He is sharing an intensely personal private experience to perhaps help others. He does not need you 'shouting' (use of caps) or your cynicism.

[ozuncle]

I certainly dont advocate everyone putting property in their ladies name.
My point was that everyones situation is different. However someone earlier mentioned that to not put land in your wifes name or taking out a lease in your name, could be construed as a slap in the face and be the start of a problem relationship caused by lack of trust. In my case, I would have to be a complete idiot to not do it the way I did.

anothermug
Sorry if I came on too hard. Look after yourself.

hhs
The thumbs up was not meant to be uncomplimentary.

[huahinsimon]

Just two things, HHS.

One is, as a woman, I dislike the terminology 'Rent/Lease, don't buy' - regardless of how you personally meant it. I find it offensive.

The other: Anothermug is not having us on. He is sharing an intensely personal private experience to perhaps help others. He does not need you 'shouting' (use of caps) or your cynicism.

Dawn, you feminism is showing. We do have our problems in understanding. I believe I said :in Thailand when it comes to property and women, R/L dont buy I said women because 100% of the dust ups I've seen are about farang men getting the shaft after putting house and property in woman's name. Not one Thai woman has lamented that she married a farang man, trusted him, gave him 10 million and he took off for greener pastures. sorry bout that misunderstanding.
R/L don't B is generic. more applicable in the West, but both sexes should take warning.

On "The other" I know anothermug is not having us on. He and I have corresponded privately. I'm confident he got my meaning. My capital letters were directed at Super Joe and Ozuncle who in their last posts had suggested, even after about 10 months of this thread, this might be the case.

Super Joe Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 3:56 pm Post subject:

sounds like a wind-up

ozuncle wrote:
If your not having us all on..


I can see that on this forum one must be super specific and explain at length when one is as challenged as I in the use of the English language. I speak American and I thought I understood English, BUT I COULD, upps, be wrong.

HHS

[Super Joe]

I can see that on this forum one must be super specific and explain at length

Oliver, I think we'd settle for 'barely comprehensible'
.

[huahindolly]

Since this thread relates to trust and respect, and since Dawn has posted her objection to the use of the phrase "rent, don't buy," I thought I'd share one of the phrases I often hear that makes me cringe.

It is the use of the phrase, "the wife," as in "the house, the motorbike, and the wife." It is dehumanizing and disrespectful, and places a married woman in the role of property, IMO. It has been used in this thread by at least five posters.

So, in spite of the posturing and pontificating about wonderful marriages to lovely Thai women, at least five of you *seem* to think of her as a possession. Please, describe her in terms that are more respectful!

HHD

[Super Joe]

huahindolly wrote:

It is the use of the phrase, "the wife," as in "the house, the motorbike, and the wife." It is dehumanizing and disrespectful, and places a married woman in the role of property

huahinsimon wrote:

The wife picked sort of a pink hybiscus for her walls

looks like your dinner will be in the dog tonight si
.

[huahinsimon]

I can see that on this forum one must be super specific and explain at length

Oliver, I think we'd settle for 'barely comprehensible'
.

huahinsimon wrote:
Quote:
The wife picked sort of a pink hybiscus for her walls

I see now that "When in Rome do as the Romans do," is not always good advice sometimes adapting a bit of local speak to one's circumlocution results in cold beans in the dog house. A good gotcha!! jo I think maybe you be the sharpest knife in this here dishwasher.

HHS

[richard]

My wives and GF's have never been possessions. If anything I'm the possession

BUT there we are. I'm the typical Yorkshire gentleman

Seriously though I've found that up the north east in Isaan. first impressions are that women are subservient. After a while you realise that the wife is the organiser and 'man'ipulator and men are allowed to crow about their power and masculinity.

The best bosses and team workers I've had in my years in IT were all women

Come on all you macho men admit it! You know who the superior sex is!

We are little boys until the day we die and we enjoy it, Don't we?

[dtaai-maai]

Since this thread relates to trust and respect, and since Dawn has posted her objection to the use of the phrase "rent, don't buy," I thought I'd share one of the phrases I often hear that makes me cringe.

It is the use of the phrase, "the wife," as in "the house, the motorbike, and the wife." It is dehumanizing and disrespectful, and places a married woman in the role of property, IMO. It has been used in this thread by at least five posters.

So, in spite of the posturing and pontificating about wonderful marriages to lovely Thai women, at least five of you *seem* to think of her as a possession. Please, describe her in terms that are more respectful!

HHD

How does "my wife" come across as less possessive than "the wife"?
Anyway, dolly, I'm assuming you're not British? Phrases like "'Er indoors" "The little woman" "She Who Must Be Obeyed" and a few dozen others are rife in the UK. Some are ancient, some are regional, some are more recent. Some are meant humorously, some reflect outdated attitudes, some might even be considered offensive by others, but surely the lady referred to is the only one who matters?

An interesting diversion from the topic, but there are more important issues to worry about!

How's the old man, by the way?

[Brit Jim]

Anothermug?

I have sent you a personal message!



Cheers

Lippy

[richard]

Dm

dollys man is not an old man he's a little boy like us all malesl

my father was still a little boy when he died aged 99

[charlesh]

It is truely amazing that people can so easily be offended by slang/colloquial expressions and idiom. My dear "partner/Mrs/wife/spouse" has recently learnt a very valuable English expression - "if u don't like it lump it" and she says it with a smile!
The all pervading influence of legalistic de sexed politically correct speak is something out of 1984 and may well be useful for a world full of automatons and robots with no human personality. Precious petals may also consider the old adage of "if U don't like the heat stay out of the kitchen" with due respect to cooks/chefs/kitchen hands/scullery maids etc.
Charles H