With Migrant's "Pork" post we need some pork jokes.
"The last time I was down in Mexico, I saw something very peculiar; what I thought was a shrub covered in slices of pork...
I went for a closer look and one of the locals stopped me.
"Don't go down there, Señor..." he tells me, "... Eet might be a Hambush."
Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. Source
A guy goes into a doctors office and in his very deep, very gruff voice says, "Doc, I have had this deep, gruff voice for years and my wife finally talked me into coming in to see if you can do anything about it, she says it makes me sound bad."
The mild mannered Doc says,"OK get undressed and we will check you out."
The guy gets undressed and the doctor does a double take at the enormous size of his manhood. The doctor commented on his size.
"Yes, it's big", the guy says, "But what about my voice?"
THe doctor says, "Well I think that's the problem, the weight of your manhood is pulling on your vocal chords, causing the deep, gruff voice."
The guy asks, "Well what do we do?"
Doc says, "Well we'll have to cut off a big chunk of it."
The guy thought it over and decided to do it since his wife wanted his voice softer.
The operation was a success
A couple months later the same guy comes back to the doctor and in a very well modulated voice says" Hey doc, you fixed my voice, thanks, but my wife thought it over and she really misses that extra chunk you cut off, can you put it back?"
The doctor looked at him and says "No I don't think so." in a very deep, gruff voice.
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.
On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
--Mariah Carey “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign “I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. “Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. “That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”
--A congressional candidate in Texas... “Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark “It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it...”
--Al Gore, Vice President “I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”-- Dan Quayle
“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?” --Lee Iacocca
“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.” -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 2020 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.” --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
“Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from overseas.” --Keppel Enderbery
“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.” -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
One man in his time really does play many parts, it seems, according to an Argentine newsreader who mixed up the author William Shakespeare with the first man to receive a Pfizer jab.
Canal 26 presenter Noelia Novillo announced that "one of the most important writers in the English language - for me the master" had died.
In fact it was his namesake, William "Bill" Shakespeare, 81, who died in a hospital in England earlier this week.
Shakespeare "The Bard" died in 1616.
However, that was news to Novillo who told her audience on Thursday: "We've got news that has stunned all of us given the greatness of this man. We're talking about William Shakespeare and his death. We'll let you know how and why it happened."
One man in his time really does play many parts, it seems, according to an Argentine newsreader who mixed up the author William Shakespeare with the first man to receive a Pfizer jab.
Canal 26 presenter Noelia Novillo announced that "one of the most important writers in the English language - for me the master" had died.
In fact it was his namesake, William "Bill" Shakespeare, 81, who died in a hospital in England earlier this week.
Shakespeare "The Bard" died in 1616.
However, that was news to Novillo who told her audience on Thursday: "We've got news that has stunned all of us given the greatness of this man. We're talking about William Shakespeare and his death. We'll let you know how and why it happened."
Well she was hired, I'm sure, for her knowledge of the classics
7f2b10a7e85709c1be942acf5c7cc116.jpg (62.49 KiB) Viewed 336 times
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.
dtaai-maai wrote: ↑Sun May 30, 2021 5:09 am
Clearly! Mind you, I'm not convinced that the woman on the left is the same as the one in the other 2 photos...
Being a trained accountant I believe more research is warranted.
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.
