used?

Post by **elinn** » Tue Oct 28, 2008 3:15 am

Ok guys, something I (being a 22-year old western girl) have always wondered is this: Don't all these fat, ugly western men who are dating young, beautiful Thai girls half their age (or more) ever feel that they are being used? Or am i being narrow-minded thinking that most of the relationships I see like this are not based on mutual love?

Post by **redzonerocker** » Tue Oct 28, 2008 3:27 am

great first post elinn

i'm sure you will be a great addition to the hhad community

Post by **Big Boy** » Tue Oct 28, 2008 3:29 am

My thoughts precisely :troll:

Oh yes ............... and welcome to the forum elinn

Post by **BaaBaa.** » Tue Oct 28, 2008 3:33 am

Yes elinn, they cry themselves to sleep at night wondering where it all went wrong.

Post by **elinn** » Tue Oct 28, 2008 3:45 am

Well, I am sorry. This was suppossed to be a reply to a seperate topic but that went all wrong. Still, I left it like this because I thought that I might get some interesting but obviously not. So I am sorry.

Post by **caller** » Tue Oct 28, 2008 4:04 am

According to a 1st post on that other forum (yawn) Elinn is a writer from Stockholm and is writing a novel partly set in HH between 2001 - 2007. She's seeking advice from those who have been here for a few years about what the town was like then (less traffic!).

Reminds me of that current thread about the bars of yore.....

You could have been a mite more tactful with your introduction, Elinn!

Post by **Big Boy** » Tue Oct 28, 2008 4:17 am

With tactless opening questions like that, I can't see elinn receiving much advice relevant to her research.

I would be interested which current thread she (if it is a woman) was replying to when she went wrong.

Well, I am sorry. This was suppossed to be a reply to a seperate topic but that went all wrong. Still, I left it like this because I thought that I might get some interesting but obviously not. So I am sorry.

elinn,

A bit of free advice for you - try going to the Introductions section, apologise for the mess you've made already, and hopefully start again.

Post by **elinn** » Tue Oct 28, 2008 4:54 am

It was one of the threads about age differences...

And I'm sorry, i should have introduced myself. It was just that the first time I tried to start a topic, I was told that I had to post so and so many replys first (I obviously got that wrong, I'm not a native english speaker so sorry!). Now, as the previous talker has made clear: I'm a writer from Sweden doing research for my novel that takes place in Huahin. This question hasn't got anything to do with my novel, it was just one of the topics in this forum that I could relate to.

Still, I don't really see why so many people seem to be insulted by my question! I did not blame either one of you of anything (I don't even know who you are, if you are male or female, thai or farang, so why should I)but having been to Huahin and a lot of you living there, I thought that it would be interesting to hear some different views of these relationships (apart from the "the younger the better" arguments I've seen in other threads.)

I am sorry if I was expressing myself in a clumsy way, as I said I'm not a native english speaker. But I am not going to apologize for asking a question in a discussion forum.

Post by **caller** » Tue Oct 28, 2008 5:06 am

Nah, definite troll, English is far better elsewhere - just like the last sentence above (I will just about forgive the use of 'z') - or maybe she's been on the lash!

Post by **Big Boy** » Tue Oct 28, 2008 5:18 am

OK elinn, apologies for giving you a hard time. I hope you can understand everybody's initial reaction. However, your response seems genuine, so here's my response to your question.

I'm fat and I'm ugly. I've been very happily married to my beautiful Thai wife for 20 years. I know many fat ugly farang gentlemen in a similar position.

Please explain the reasoning behind your question. Does being fat and/or ugly exclude somebody from finding a mate and being happy? Or is that right reserved for the pretty people such as Madonna or Britney Spears?

I think your question has some very extreme innuendos contained within. It is almost as if you have decided the answer before you have asked the question.

Leaving my personal circumstances alone. What is wrong with a fat ugly old man enjoying himself with a pretty young girl half his age? He has probably worked very hard most of his life to be able to enjoy such a lifestyle. She probably has an aging mother, illegitimate child and sick water buffalo to look after. She gets paid a fair wage for making a fat, ugly old man happy. He's happy, she's happy, the water buffalo gets well - a win, win situation.

Post by **elinn** » Tue Oct 28, 2008 5:43 am

First: I think that using the words "fat and ugly" was wrong of me, because what people look like shouldn't matter in a relationship (shouldn't, not doesn't). I mean, I guess it's the same thing when I was dating an overweight guy who was a head shorter than me - nobody question that that was real love and I would have been pretty mad if someone did. Shortly speaking, I'm not a person who looks down on people that don't look like pop icons or movie stars.

Of course there are relationships between old Western guys and young Thai women that work out perfectly, and that are based on true love. I know that, and I think I made that clear in my first post. Have I already decided the answer to my question? Well, I did ask if I was being narrow-minded about it, but got no reasonable responce. So, I still don't know.

Thank you Big Boy for your honest reply, you do make some good points and your arguments open for a discussion (which was what I wanted, not pounces). The thing that alarms me about it is this:

"What is wrong with a fat ugly old man enjoying himself with a pretty young girl half his age? He has probably worked very hard most of his life to be able to enjoy such a lifestyle."

What does that mean really? That a young girl is a part of a lifestyle, and something you deserve after working hard? I mean, I wish that all people could retire to a paradise, whether it's Thailand or somewhere else, and have someone to take care of them. And yes, it is a convinient solution for a lot of aging men AND thai women to get together in a relationship. But if I knew that my girlfriend was staying with me to be able support her family (and maybe her water buffalo

), I don't think I would want to be with her!

I realize that this Sin Sod thing according to some is deeply rooted in Thai culture, and does not only apply to Western fiances. This tradition has western counterparts aswell. What I'm asking is probably just this (and this is not to you big boy, I'm glad you're having a happy marriage): how do you know if she wants you for YOU or just for the money? Does it matter?

Post by **bubbly** » Tue Oct 28, 2008 7:20 am

Could somebody give Elinn a bigger shovel!!!!

Post by **Georgy Porgy** » Tue Oct 28, 2008 7:27 am

Your age really has alot to do with not understanding. You are young and full of the hopes and dreams and innocence of youth.
Read that good old book, ''Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" for some home truths, and if you really want to get serious, whole libraries are built on books about the psychology of men requiring their ego's to be reinforced/stroked all the way to the grave.
You have not dicovered a new phenomenom, and are not posing a new question.
It has all been said before - just go find the books and studies and learn

Post by **Norseman** » Tue Oct 28, 2008 7:27 am

Elinn.
I know you've been asking a lot of questions about life in Hua Hin, not only here on HHAD, but on other forums as well.
Please spend some time reading and searching through our extensive database where you will find answers to some of your questions.

You should start here:
http://www.huahinafterdark.com/forum/li ... ps-f8.html
http://www.huahinafterdark.com/forum/li ... y-f22.html

Post by **johnnyk** » Tue Oct 28, 2008 7:29 am

maybe spend some time in thailand and speak to people in person, thai ladies and falang alike.

or, just stay home and add to the cliche mountain.