Why Don't Herbal Supplements Work?

Post by **MrPlum** » Tue Mar 10, 2009 11:45 am

Dammit you boys have strange eating habits. Don't invite me around for dinner.

sargeant · Post by **sargeant** » Tue Mar 10, 2009 2:59 pm

Just to add a note of humor with a serious side to it
In 1996 I developed a perinatal cyst between my legs I ended up in Hammersmith Hospital and it was operated on.
Whilst being examined and seen too a young doctor advised me to see my G.P. as I was getting up 2/3 times a night to pee and periodic light to heavy bleeding when excreting.
Of I goes to G.P who examines me and refers me to a specialist in Prostate cancer.
Of to Hammersmith Hospital for my appointment where I was undressed on my side

and a what I was assured was a camera was shoved up my rear much prodding and uncomfortable movement later it was recalled having done its job.
Sit down says specialist your prostate is enlarged which SUGGESTS cancer

Thank you for telling me that says I but if that is all your modern technology can say I am stunned my GP came to that conclusion with his index finger and a rubber glove.

I will have to take a biopsy says he and tally ho

another object entered Myanus not Uranus
A few weeks later I returned for the results well says he your results are inconclusive

for malignancy. He then explains options surgery freezing chemo therapy.

Prognosis says I well says he you have a 50% chance of being impotent and a 50% chance of having a urine bag for the rest of your life.
(knowing I was coming to Thailand in 1998 the thought of wearing shorts and dragging a bag of piss behind me like a disobedient puppy on a string did not inspire me

)
Being a bit of a mathematician I said to him where I come from 50% + 50% = 100% so you can kiss my

goodbye and I left
I came to Thailand and Mrs Sarge who is an outright garlic and herb freak (we had pomegranate tree shoots in our salad 2 days ago) set to, it took about 6 months but the bleeding slowed down and now only once or twice a year. I still get up once a night and a few beers can double that .
But I believe that it’s the water here that has also helped no fluoride chlorine or any of the other chemos in the UK water
Has my cancer gone NO have I been cured NO is it manageable YES how much was change of lifestyle, water, herbs to do with it I do NOT know is it because I am happy you betcha

sargeant · Post by **sargeant** » Tue Mar 10, 2009 3:01 pm

sorry chasps and chaspesse double post steam driven computer glich moder technology after all

Post by **MrPlum** » Tue Mar 10, 2009 3:32 pm

Where are you getting the water? Rainwater?

I could go and play doctor and come back with umpteen possibilities taken from my various herbal 'bibles' but unfortunately it would probably irritate 'Caller' and I would be in breach of the Law according to the Ministry of Labour, since anyone offering advice could be seen to be 'using knowledge' and would need a Work Permit.

From the Ministry of Labour web site... http://eng.mol.go.th/doe_service01.html

Work Permit Application
1. Definition
“ Work ” means to engage in work by exerting energy or using knowledge whether or not in consideration of wages or other benefits.

Talk about catch-all. Beware the man from the ministry!

I was going to change my signature to 'I'm not a slave, I'm a free man' but on second thought, forget it.

Post by **Khundon1975** » Tue Mar 10, 2009 4:35 pm

hhfarang wrote:
I like Marmite but when I spread it on my pride and joy, it didn't have the same effect
MrP

You just need to find a girl who likes marmite and let her lick it off. I'll bet that would work even better than the black tar!

HHF they either love it or hate it.

Post by **caller** » Wed Mar 11, 2009 2:07 am

MrPlum wrote:Where are you getting the water? Rainwater?

I could go and play doctor and come back with umpteen possibilities taken from my various herbal 'bibles' but unfortunately it would probably irritate 'Caller'

Touchy, touchy,.......I'd suggest a few deep breaths, relax, more deep breaths (repeat infinitum) and I'm sure, slowly, but steadily, that you will feel that relaxation seeping back into your body.

Post by **PeteC** » Wed Mar 11, 2009 4:14 am

MrPlum wrote:
From the Ministry of Labour web site... http://eng.mol.go.th/doe_service01.html

Work Permit Application
1. Definition
“ Work ” means to engage in work by exerting energy or using knowledge whether or not in consideration of wages or other benefits.

Talk about catch-all. Beware the man from the ministry!

I think about this often as I clean my pool, garden, paint my fence etc. If these boys ever show up and take me away in chains, I will give them a roll of toilet tissue and demand a 24 hour guard who is learned in the art of arse wiping. I would also need a few for tooth brushing, shampooing etc. Can't use the arse wipe guy for that.

Pete

Super Joe · Post by **Super Joe** » Wed Mar 11, 2009 4:31 am

prcscct wrote:I think about this often as I clean my pool, garden, paint my fence etc.

Yes, these tasks are prohibited for foreigners, you can't even get a work permit to carry out these particular tasks if you wanted to. Farangs only seem to have problems with these trivial issues when they get 'grassed' up, usually by a fellow Farangs (sad individuals).
I've never seen the bottom related task on the list, so you're probably ok to carry on as you were with that one Pete

SJ

Post by **MrPlum** » Wed Mar 11, 2009 5:27 am

caller wrote:Touchy, touchy,.......I'd suggest a few deep breaths, relax, more deep breaths (repeat infinitum) and I'm sure, slowly, but steadily, that you will feel that relaxation seeping back into your body.

Your suggestion requires a work permit. You know I'm just pulling your chain.

sargeant · Post by **sargeant** » Wed Mar 11, 2009 10:30 am

NOT in LONDONISTAN he dont Mr P

Post by **hhfarang** » Wed Mar 11, 2009 11:10 am

MrPlum wrote:

From the Ministry of Labour web site... http://eng.mol.go.th/doe_service01.html

Work Permit Application
1. Definition
“ Work ” means to engage in work by exerting energy or using knowledge whether or not in consideration of wages or other benefits.

Talk about catch-all. Beware the man from the ministry! Shocked

prcscct wrote:

I think about this often as I clean my pool, garden, paint my fence etc. If these boys ever show up and take me away in chains, I will give them a roll of toilet tissue and demand a 24 hour guard who is learned in the art of arse wiping. I would also need a few for tooth brushing, shampooing etc. Can't use the arse wipe guy for that. Mr. Green Pete

I love this aspect of my retirement visa. When my wife tells me to do something around the house I just say "Solly Honey, Thai Government says I can't do any work". Then I go back to my beer and watching TV or playing on the computer.

sargeant · Post by **sargeant** » Wed Mar 11, 2009 1:30 pm

Just had a whiz through my kitchen and this is what I have found
Cha Om, Gah Tin, Chili at least 4 varieties, Garlic 3 varieties plus powdered,lemon grass,Bay leaves dry and fresh,Sage,Oregano,Mint fresh and dried,Peppermint,Basil fresh &dried,coriander, Cinnamon, Nutmeg, Ginger Fresh and dried,Kah (ginger but not ginger),Mixed spices,curry powder,Turmeric,Cumin,Parsely 2 sorts,Thyme,Tarragon,Tamarind 3 sorts, Star, Anis,Rosemary, Mustard and over a month lots lots more

According to the herbalists/Alternatives CLAIMS depending on where you read it I should be
1….As slim as Naomi Cambell
2….Faster than Linford Christie
3….Healthier than Jesus himself
4….Live longer than Methusalah
5….Be more intelligent than Einstein

6….Actually grow hair

I wonder why number 6 is not working I aint got no Hair No 5 is working fine
Maybe I am missing the main one a Black tar like substance Found on rocks in the Himalayas I don’t know its name so I will call it Yak Crap

This post is solely for entertainment purposes For those that don’t find it funny I believe boiled roots of the Ha Ha tree/bush with copious quantities of beer /Alcohol will help with a sense of humor

Oh and my water is 80 foot deep borehole water

Post by **MrPlum** » Wed Mar 11, 2009 1:50 pm

Sarge, I see where you are going wrong. It's a classic case of Malabsorption or Tropical Sprue. The herbs are not able to get beyond your bile.

You need to take all the herbs and spices and mix them with coconut oil into a paste. Shape it into a cone and let it cool and harden in the fridge. Once it's hardened take it out of the fridge then insert into your anus. As the coconut oil melts, the herbs will be released into the body.

This serves several purposes. The exercise will do you good. Inserting the herbal suppository is similar to a Yoga stretch. When the cold insert enters the body, your buttocks will quiver, releasing any blockages in the nether region. The sharp intake of breath will force you to take in a good gulp of oxygen which will kill any viruses, fungi or bad bacteria.

No charge.

Post by **lambella** » Wed Mar 11, 2009 2:24 pm

I've heard that in the UK there is a bill to make all vitamin and herbal supplements available by prescription only. Are they trying to help the pharmaceutical companies make more money? I did receive a petition against the bill but danged if I can find it now. I did sign up on the Downing Street site, though.

sargeant · Post by **sargeant** » Wed Mar 11, 2009 2:43 pm

Bugger another cure goes south sorry Mr P i am just not, no way, not in the slightest ANALY retentive
I will leave that part of the human anatomy to others that find it such a fascinating object they choose to shove anything to hand up it. Try a large cactus or an ostrich feather or better still helium it may lighten you up a bit