Single by choice and happy?

[MrPlum]

There's no doubt that for some men, Thai women make great wives and partners. Yet, I doubt this is true for all men.

Are there any men out there for whom the constant drain on finances, the cultural gulf, age difference, laziness, mood swings or jealousy of their partners, the lack of intellectual stimulation, the demands of taking on their offspring or the sight of their girlfriends tucking into a bag of crickets has become too much to take and you have decided it's better living alone or seeking a non-Thai partner?

Maybe you took the girl out of the bar but couldn't take the bar out of the girl. Or just feel trapped after the initial euphoria, with your assets all in her name? Maybe she's gambled away your future security? Spends 3 hours a day on her mobile and the rest of the day watching Thai soaps?

What say you?

[poosmate]

I think I would be a right Plum if I had a partner with any of the above traits.

[JimmyGreaves]

Didn't vote.

I was ten years on my own after my divorce and was mainly verry happy doing what I wanted to do without compromise. However been with my thai g/f now for about 5 years on and off (go back to the UK for a few months here and there) and I would say that alot of the time I'm happier than I was when alone but some of the time not as happy when I was alone :-) It's complicated hahahaha

[richard]

Guess I get the best of both worlds. Being a nomad and restless when smothered and so called settled down quite often I just have to go walk abouts for some space and freedom.

I am now retired in Thailand and spend some time in a village in Isaan but I can only tolerate it for so long. You are smothered by family and village life and so I now spend some time in HH as a batchelor.

Despite my roaming and the need to get away I am a social animal. In HH I am surrounded by friends and acquantainces who I can have a beer and a chat with. In the village I am the only farang for a 10km radius. There are some but they are insular and have built a house surrounded by walls, bought the wife a SUV and a motorbike and then only live here a couple of months and bugger off back home to make some more dosh

Even if I could speak the lingo the conversations are conducted on 2 logical levels that dont mix. Western logic and a broad sense of the worlds events vs Thai so called logic which revolves around the paddy fields, plantations and livestock. Nothing outside the village concerns them

Guess I am happy with my lot though (at this point in time)

[pitsch]

Are there any men out there for whom the constant drain on finances, the cultural gulf, age difference, laziness, mood swings or jealousy of their partners, the lack of intellectual stimulation, the demands of taking on their offspring or the sight of their girlfriends tucking into a bag of crickets has become too much to take and you have decided it's better living alone or seeking a non-Thai partner?

This is rather a description of my two European wives. With my Thai partner I have much less of these problems.

[Sabai Jai]

I joined the 'Happier with my relationship' gang

All relationships have to be worked at - by both parties

I consider myself lucky in that my other half is educated and understands Western ways having lived, studied and worked in London for over 30 years. Having said that she is still very Thai in many ways and you need to be sensitive to this.

We also have only a relatively low level of family interaction - and they are all fairly well off which helps...

Regards Sabai Jai

[richard]

As far as money goes, never had a problem.

Gotta lay the ground rules down though up front.

Mine were:

1) Money to keep you and me in food and neccessary house items
2) Pocket money for your son and school trips etc
3) No family needs or sick buffalos
4) Hospital treatment (not bad as only 30 Bht a day)
5) Travel if you and son are with me
6) No cosmetics
7) No suv's but a single motorbike

Seems to work. All the family asks for is a beer and a fag and sometimes we share our meal with them but we share their food and beer too.

Helps too if you tell them you have your own family to support in your home country. That takes some understanding for a Thai as it is usually the family supporting their elders in Thailand

Peanuts compared with my wives and g/fs in the UK

[caller]

Are there any men out there for whom the constant drain on finances, the cultural gulf, age difference, laziness, mood swings or jealousy of their partners, the lack of intellectual stimulation, the demands of taking on their offspring or the sight of their girlfriends tucking into a bag of crickets

Not sure if you are talking from personal experience or 3rd party? Most of the examples could apply to any relationship - apart from tucking into crickets! But I can't really fully identify my missus in the above, I'm pleased to say. Well maybe some Thai TV programmes, but then my dear mother was hooked on Coronation St....

[MrPlum]

Not sure if you are talking from personal experience or 3rd party?

Mostly 3rd party. I have a friend whose partner is an 'over-painted village girl' who is jealous, wasteful of money, has little education, can't (or won't) cook and who's Engrish is stuck at child level. Her daily routine is TV soaps and little else. She seems indifferent as far as her children's behaviour or development is concerned, which pains him.

He's a decent older chap who fell for her physical charms but is now deeply unhappy. Only his children are keeping him in situ but the prospect of being single again seems to fill him with dread. Perhaps the uncertainly or lottery of trying to find someone with the qualities he seeks, or the prospect of heartache and stress when and if they do break up. These situations are rarely positive.

For some, the best way to get over a broken romance is to leap into the arms of someone else ASAP. Not particularly honourable but effective.

[migrant]

I voted happy with Thai wife.

I was married, divorced, now married again.

Being single after marriage was fun, and some things I miss. I met my wife ~ 6 years ago now, like a poster above, she has been in the states for 14+ years, but still totally Thai.

The last 6 years have been the best that I can remember (hopefully that means a good time, and not a failing memory)

[Roel]

Your "ground rules" seem a bit harsh Khun Richard. Is this (tongue-in-cheek) interpretation correct?

1. I will not let you starve.
2. I am not going to spoil your son with money. He will only become materialistic and his peers will envy him.
3. No need for your family to ask for anything because I know it is a scam.
4. I will not let you die.
5. You are not going to have fun without me.
6. Do not make yourself attractive for other men.
7. I can not afford a car.

Did she sign for it?

PS Only joking; I know what you mean.

By the way I voted "happy with Thai wife". A few things could be better but many could be worse. On the scale from completely miserable (1) to extremely happy (10) I would say we (yes, we) score an 8.

[bladerunner2120]

hmmmm.....well your bound for trouble if you hook up with the seedy type, seems like a lot of dumb farangs continue to make bad relationship choices weather in Thailand or back home.
My partner is well educated as are her bothers and sisters and comes from an upper middle class family, i have had no problems from her or her family, we get along fine, of course there are some cultural differences but one by one were sorting it out some give and some take.
Most of the Thai women i know are better relationship material than there white sisters, lets face it the western sister hood now has equal opportunities and dont need a man to support them, have an unrealistic expectation what romance and a relationship is and from my experience take what they can get and give little back, oh! and you can go younger with a thai
seems the white sisters think a guy once hitting mid fifties has one foot in the grave, hence the cougar thing 40 is the new 20, i have a few female friends in AU who definitely hunt younger meat and there happy to admit it too....but watch out if your dateing a younger asian girl..
Some days i do miss being single, i still get that play boy urge and other times im delighted being in a commited relationship, ive noticed i am a lot more balanced and more focused with work and the future, before i lived from weekend to weekend, so if your in a good relationship no matter where she is from then all is good life is good.
I vote life is good with Thai partner, as i said at the begging if you want to get involved with the seedy types ( bar girls etc) then your looking for trouble.

[Spitfire]

Well, I voted 'No' but it's got nothing to do with Thais as I'm a loose cannon were ever I'm at if single. Marrying a Thai woman is great because it's the one I've chosen, if I'd chosen a Lao/Cambodian/Philipino etc then it wouldn't make much difference, just happens to be the one that 'floats my boat'. If I'm single then 'all bets are off' about everything. Having a wife is a calming element in my life and I don't have so much wanderlust (forgive the pun WL) regarding many subjects. Without this then I'm close to 'off the reservation', whatever, as opposed to if I didn't have such a entity in my life. I know some might not like this reasoning but for most guys, especially if young, then it's the truth.

[Korkenzieher]

It is an interesting question, that I don't feel I can honestly answer.

In general, I'm happy to be in a relationship but I also like some space. Not necessarily space to play around, but I have lived on my own between relationships (& never having been married) for a very long time; and there is, quite simply, an amount of 'being taken care of' that I regard as invasive. People (ladies) seem to forget that when I have been single, if I didn't do the laundry or washing up myself, then it just wouldn't get done and what I don't need is a mother hen feeling I am somehow incapable of looking after myself. That is not, and frankly has never been the case.

As a partner, side by side, then I am more than happy to commit, but increasingly (perhaps as a result of getting older), I find either I or the other party are unwilling to make the necessary adjustments. I also feel that there is something about the wish to be 'taken care of' or to 'take care' which imposes a certain responsibility to either one party or the other.

I have been in several relationships (including in Thailand) where I would have made that leap, and they have failed for one reason or another. I don't feel happy that they failed, but I don't feel unhappy with my state either. Certain of the relationships, I honestly wish had succeeded, but the fact that they didn't just serves to indicate either my needs or hers were being infringed upon in some way, which simply means it didn't end later, more acrimoniously, in divorce.