To Wai or not to wai?

[Spitfire]

Well, we all know some/most of the basic rules of a 'wai' here but if you observe the locals closely then there are some interesting situational exceptions when they don't 'wai' each other. For example, when you see your average Thai customer at a restaurant leaving and having had paid the bill the waiter/waitress will 'wai' but often doesn't receive one back from the customer. This is only one example of where it can happen, of course there are exceptions but often in the service industry, hotels would be another example of where this can be observed.

When it comes to foreigners then it starts to become interesting and the real reason behind this post/question. We have all seen foreigners get it hopelessly wrong, ie old guys 'waiing' a young waitress first or getting the position of the hands wrong, thus giving the wrong 'wai' and perhaps, in a Thai cultural sense, causing embarrassment. They, as foreigners, are forgiven because it's not their culture rather like we forgive they 15 second handshake. I've heard some Thais say that it's not automatic to give or return a 'wai' these days, especially for the younger Thais, seems to be changing, they 'wai' who they feel they should.

There are many different variations of 'wai', I've even seen a one handed version, but only from old men 60+.

I suppose one of the most basic rules is that the younger person gives the 'wai' first, then to be replied depending on a few other variables. Same like the locals have to use the "P" before someone's name if they are older, can't just use their first name.

I must also say that I don't really 'wai' anyone these days, except the wife's mother/father or her grandparents. Even at work, the only people I should be 'waiing' that most of the Thai employees are scared to death of, like heads of faculties etc, want to act in an international fashion as they gain more 'face' in front of the surrounding Thais by showing that they can interact internationally and speak English with me. I therefore allow them to feel good and practice their western skills, which as a foreign lecturer, that's what I'm there for, student and all. I can see that they gain far more face this way and if I was to get their cultural thing wrong then they could lose face by not saying something or acting in some other way.

I find myself very careful these days with this stuff after almost a decade, especially after seeing so many get it wrong and the uncomfortable looks you sometimes see.

This is more of a speculative post and would be interested to gather others thoughts on what I posted or any other points anyone feels should be raised. It's a big subject that many will have a something to add as I sure we've all ask our other-halfs about it at some point or other and there's probably a great deal of difference in what they think about it too.

[nevets]

Young people in the village wha me and sawadi at the same time , its not my place to wha them but i say khop khun krap and sawadi ,out of respect for their respect to me. I am 58 and always wha older people as in the 60+ as respect to them but other people would wha me and i would wha them back as expected .
Generally anyone older than you gets a wha and always a monk of any age .
We do not wha service staff but say thank you if they wha you. My wife,s mother and father always get a wha first and thay wha me .

[johnnyk]

You mean you guys don't wai the binthagirls? Shame!

I always wai-ed the XGF's poppa even though I was older than him by about 2 years. He was very sick, crippled with arthritis so I thought wai-ing him and calling him khun papa was an okay thing to do.

[poosmate]

Going with a girl whose father is younger than yourself i would keep on wai-ing just in case the shotgun comes out

[bozzman101]

ive been though 4 different ways to wai

1 at chest level lowest form for a wai ok for kids

under chin level as importance arrives

nose level

and over eye level major importance

[STEVE G]

I do it in the partners village to senior members of the family, the headman and that's about it.
I do think it's changing, for instance, one of the most senior family members works for the Police in Bangkok and he always shakes my hand and he seems to do that naturally as if he is used to the practice.

[richard]

Same for me Steve

When in the village the police, headman and senior family members always offer me their hand and it seems odd to me now

A couple of points I have learned but I am in no way an expert is do not Wai first. Wait to see what they do first. Secondly never Wai children.

Used to visit our French subsiduary once a month and I used to the love the first hour at work. The first hour seems to be taken by kissing everyone in sight. Never did work out how many one should give. 1 or 2 or 3. Very enjoyable way to start the working day.

Back to the topic. Something else that happens to me now is the hug and embrace. I get it from middle class Thais, taxi drivers and many BGs that I have known for years especially if I have not seen them for some months

Dont think it matters too much these days providing it is accompanied with a wide smile.

An even more complex matter is addressing someone. My wife always addresses our regular taxi driver as "Pi Bang" as he is older. How should I address him? Just "Bang" I guess

Got a book somewhere that tells me but my retentive memory is poor

[BaaBaa.]

An even more complex matter is addressing someone. My wife always addresses our regular taxi driver as "Pi Bang" as he is older. How should I address him? Just "Bang" I guess

Got a book somewhere that tells me but my retentive memory is poor

Yes, just Bang.

Technically it's "Neung Bang" if he's considerably younger.

[nevets]

Have you ever been to a party and the host see,s you and takes you by the hand , and Leeds you around to show this is my friend . It always makes me feel a bit awkward how about you .

[Spitfire]

Yeah Nevets, he's on the 'face' quest and gets it from looking international because he has dealings with a foreigner.

[nevets]

Another one is your at a party or gathering , and there is dancing im not homophobic but men always want to dance with me .
This i know is a culture thing men in Thailand like to dance together and not with their women . Now i have danced with a few lady boys , who were good looking by the way , with the wife looking on or even dancing as well .
But this dragging me up for a dance by the locale men does embarrass me a bit.

[Spitfire]

Yeah, that's all a bit voodoo man. We are starting to stray here. To get back on target, I agree with earlier posters about it slowly changing and things seem to not be as rigid as they used to be.

[Khundon1975]

Another one is your at a party or gathering , and there is dancing im not homophobic but men always want to dance with me .
This i know is a culture thing men in Thailand like to dance together and not with their women . Now i have danced with a few lady boys , who were good looking by the way , with the wife looking on or even dancing as well .
But this dragging me up for a dance by the locale men does embarrass me a bit.

Come on nevets, I bet you look good in a little off the shoulder spangly number.

Richard 3 kisses with the French is best but don't steal their chewing gum while you do it.

When I first met the inlaws, it was wais all round but on the next meeting I introduced them to the Hug move and they loved it and there are no wais now but lots of hugs and handshakes.
We had a rich Thai/Chinese couple as neighbours, they saw us doing it and insisted on hugs from then on.

[BaaBaa.]

You've obviously not introduced them to the intricate and subtle delights displayed in the north of england custom of "Alright" and a nod of the head KD.

[Khundon1975]

You've obviously not introduced them to the intricate and subtle delights displayed in the north of england custom of "Alright" and a nod of the head KD.

No BaaBaa nor that good old Glaswegian standby, the Glasgow kiss. Which usually results in a trip to casualty for the recipient.

When my family first came out for a couple of months visit, I got my wife to teach them to wai, and although my wife and my family had met on many occasions in the UK and all were happy to hug, I knew that when they met her family they may feel awkward.

So, family met at our beach house and it was comedy at it's best. My family trying to wai and the wife's family desperately trying to grab them for a hug.
My Brother in law is 6ft 3ins and the wife's dad is 5ft 7ins. FIL ended up grabbing BIL around the waist.

The wife and I were in tears along with everyone else there. In fact I think one of our two maids wet herself, as she disappeared into the loo for what seemed like ages

That broke the ice and we then got stuck into the wine, whisky and food and as with most situations, those three break down all language and cultural barriers, when mixed with laughter.