Health issue. Thought it may make a change from the dull 
For Morsage: the following is not for you although the red hot poker gave me an idea........... Remember, not to comment unless you have something useful to add
From member Nawty at Teak Door forum.
Self Operation.
I have done this before…so this should never be attempted by an amateur, nor should any children reading this, try at home….at least unsupervised…..only a highly trained and skilled self operative such as myself should proceed with any such highly skilled procedure.
You may remember I wrote about this a little in my ‘makeover’ thread.
Well, today was the day as the cake arrived.
What might a cake have to do with a self inflicted medical procedure….well it is my daughters birthday tomorrow and I always get an ice cream cake. These cakes come with a packet of ‘dry ice’….the instrument of choice by myself and other well known self operatives.
The clinical diagnosis….4 ….no 2 small warts for sure and 2 small skin growths of unknown origin. One wart on my leg, the other on the sensitive underside of a finger. The 2 skin abnormalities….1 on my right front chest, just near the armpit and the other…..well this one is a bit sensitive…..lets say it is closer to the anus than anywhere else, but not actually on the anus, but if it was a tit and it was on the brown bit surrounding the tit….then you would say it is near the nipple, not on the nipple, but it is part of the nipple kind of.
Anyway, this was on the brown bit near the anus.
The Procedure….to place the dry ice on said abnormalities and hold for as long as you can stand it….literally freezing the suckers solid….then they fall off after a few days to a week.
Now, as stated, I am an expert in this. I have done this procedure twice before….both successfully, this makes it a 100% success rate……however, I have never done one in such a delicate position….nor a position so hard to reach.
I had laid awake many nights going over the procedure, placement of the anus, placement of the mirror, an instrument to hold the abnormal skin growth steady, perhaps tweezers….no to sharp…cotton wool buds…no to chunky….tooth picks….yes…used like chop sticks in miniature....an elastic band to act as the grip...so you can operate hands free...just don't move, hold your breath is best while actually operating hands free...
So an hour ago the procedure commenced….45 minutes ago it was complete. Not sure of the success for around a week though.
I can say….it does hurt somewhat…..my arse hurts, my leg hurts. I hope I do not have to go to a doctor to explain something in a weeks time.
Alternative healthcare without Plums.I share this with people, just in case someone out there has such an embarrassing little thingy in an embarrassing little spot and they do not want to go to the doc with it.
Chocolate ice cream cake….550b
Dry Ice….free
Toothpicks….20b
Is he referring to a hemorrhoid lump next to the brown eye? Not that painful to be done properly