Funny Stories/One Liner's

[PeteC]

I start with Migrant's from another thread. Funny, sarcastic or downright evil, no matter.

I hope the massuese doesn't drive to the home visits
(Sorry, one more New Years resolution (stop the smart ass remarks on HHAD) shot to hell)

Here's two I pulled on the wife recently, then got beaten severely!

With the cool weather I told her we can sleep with the bedroom windows and patio doors open and will save money as we can then run the aircon on low. She agreed....for the first 5 seconds.

We just bought two puppies and keeping them in a large outdoor cage/kennel at night with roof and sides made of lightweight metal wire/bars. Told her when she puts the pups in to be sure to close the door so the mosquitos don't get in. Again, she agreed for the first five seconds. Pete

[sandman67]

As I was saying to Nichole Kidman in bed this morning....I fing hate namedroppers

But... the true master of one liners...my hero The 13th Duke of Wymborne



although this character - Rowley Burkin QC - still cracks me up as my first boss in the CS was EXACTLY like this....

[PeteC]

A question for the ages, how could our cultures have gone in such opposite directions when we basically started from the same place? Pete

[Khundon1975]

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill whom she hated.

Sir, if I was your wife I would put poison in your tea.

Churchill replied, Madam, If I was your husband I would drink it.

On another occasion she was haranguing him, when she noticed that he had imbibed a few, as was his want.

Sir, you are drunk! To which he replied, Madam and you are ugly, but in the morning I will be sober.

[Arcadian]

Tunisian man said, "we will not get swine flu here as we don`t eat pork"
"sperm is stored in the knee"

[migrant]

Had my second colonoscopy last week (first 4 years ago) and the same female, Indian doctor did it. I've never done a office visit since the procedures have been referrals from my primary physicians, so when they wheeled me in, and I saw the doctor I asked her how come I only see her when I'm naked and drugged??

She, and the crew, laughed then knocked me out