Changing Thai lives

[Spitfire]

Ok, we've all heard the stories of guys meeting girls from all over the show, not just Isaan, then gets married and has to assist the siblings or family (the 'you marry me and you marry my family' garbage) , biulds a house in the middle of nowhere that is like some 'temple to his vanity' compared to what's around it.

I have watched many guys here around where I am and have noticed that it seems like a futile exercise in it's entirety.

Many attempt to help the wife's or girfriend's extended family, but fail to realise that the more they help the more problems they make for themselves.

I understand if someone was to pay for the education of someone else, therefore erradicating the whole issue of a future problem and they are to be commended for it.

However, helping the family of an avergae Thai spouse is pointless as they are incapable of lifting themselves to the level of self care for the thing/s that have been given to them, unless of course, you are willing to service it all and maintain it forever.

The reason I post this is because the next village etc along from my in-laws has a foreigner that biult a huge 3 million baht house and lived in it for about a few years, then collasped of a heart attack. He also built their family home up too and gave them suff they could never have had. The Thais all moved into the ex foreigners house and about 2 years later it's a mess, nothing works and it's completely f***ed.

I suppose the moral of this post/story is that you just can't help them, unless it's cash to let them live in their own predefined world, but I see so many foreigners trying to 'wave a wand' and help the girl's family, doesn't work, but doesn't stop them trying.

I suppose, in short, it would be like someone giving me a Ferrari, I could drive it around and have fun looking good, but when it came to a service or flat tyre, then I'd be screwed as I can't afford it and it would just sit outside my house rusting.

OK, don't need to know how wonderful your relationship is on this one, not talking from personal experience myself either, rather observations of others, but we have all seen and watched this happen and any comments on that are welcome.

Amazing really what some think they can "solve."

[richard]

Seen it too Spitfire and it is sheer waste. 9 times out of 10 the farang doesn't care. It's throw away money. In my experience they are quite happy with their lot providing they can afford to live and have a few niceties and retain their culture and family lifestyle.

In my village they are more content with their broken down houses, old pickups and simple food. Take them out of that environment and they are lost. OK, happy for a while to have risen in the class structure with a new house or new motor but often shunned by the village for leaving the community culture. I know of at least 2 Thai wives within a 10km radius of my village who have been cut off from the family for changing their lifestyle and pretending to be Hi-so Thais. Jealousy maybe by the village community but the girls often turn their backs on their previous village life and suffer in the end with excommunication

So sad. Leave em be. Some dumb farangs have no inkling of the family repercussions when trying to change a village wife/gf to suit their western ways

[migrant]

I think this is not just limited to Thailand, although that's the forum so will stop there.

My wife has one Brother who always needs money. She works so whatever she wants to do with her money is her choice. I will help on holidays, birthdays, or emergencies though.

She stopped helping a year ago because nothing was changing, and he kept asking for more. They had a little blow out, but now he hasn't asked in almost two years.

[margaretcarnes]

It's all down to the class system which is still an inherent part of Thai society. They are born to it - accept their place in society. All is well until the farang comes along and (as Richard has so accurately pinpointed) lifts them out of their rightful place. Moving up in class is just not done for the average rural Thai. It is alien, uncomfortable, demeaning, and ultimately not sustainable. Because at the end of the day a higher class Thai will always recognise one who has been born to occupy a lower level, and will shun them.
We may not agree with it - we may not like it - some still don't understand it. But it's still there, despite our own opinions, and will continue as long as - well - how long's a piece of string?