Fighting Off The Selfish Option

[Jimbob]

Dear Lost,
You find some useful material on this Australian website dedicated to fighting depression. After all its a world wide issue.
http://www.beyondblue.org.au

[charlesh]

Yes lost you are not alone! Having gone down a similar path and having received treatment I can only indicate that things will improve especially after recognizing that you have an issue. You have to take each day how it comes and when you get the blues don't resort to the bottle or self indulgence. It is amazing how lovely life can be and what each day heralds. The inability to effect change especially in LOS is a real challenge ad getting caught in a rut is part of the problem in my experience. Develope outside interests and widen your circle of friends!
The site suggested is good!
PM me if you wish.

[Super Joe]

I don't have a lot of advice, but I do want to post something I was just working on when I took a break and found this thread. It's about a well known board member who had one heck of a bad time for a few years and contemplated the selfish option almost daily. He made it through and is doing great, but it was very touch and go before things got better. I know that because we talked almost every day for a couple of years, then daily during the worst few months.

You do have a lot of advice HHADFan, it was all there in your post. A very interesting and heart-warming, roller-coaster of a read, and I'm sure an inspiration to Lost and others.

One thing it emphasises loud and clear, there are quality people and friends around the corner, you just have to get on yer bike to find them

Both Sarge and you should be proud of your respective achievements. Give Sarge our best

SJ

[sargeant]

Lost,

I hope HHAD fans post with my accurate true story can help.

It was having a friend a TRUE FRIEND that felt as I do a friendships strength comes from being able to tell and accept that the hard brutal truth is what is in the best interest of the person being given or receiving the opinion or advice EVEN IF THE TRUTH HURTS. (and believe me in my case it did)

HHADfan and I both do not mince our words of advice, we do not blow hot air up each others backsides and we do not tell each other what we think the other wants to hear. We do accept totally that even if we do not necessarily agree with the advice that we understand it is advice given in an honest belief that it is in the others best interest and we are both able to agree to disagree and find other ways.

I must say that without HHADfans unswerving dedicated help support and advice plus my doctors (Dr Polpat Hua Hin Heart clinic) wise head on young shoulders and his empathy I doubt very much that I would be here now making this post.

I offer to you. Please PM me for my phone number I will be more than happy to talk or meet up if I can be of any help I do that unreservedly




Some words from my favourite Westlife track,

Just a smile and the rain is gone can hardly believe it

There is an angel standing next to me reaching for my heart


I WAS LOST IN A LONLEY PLACE

HANGING ON TO YESTERDAY FOR FAR FAR TO LONG

[Lost]

Thanks very much all of you for your kind words of sympathy and advice. It really is a great help reading through this thread and is giving me that little boost that's been missing for such a long time.

Sarge, your story is a heartbreaker and you showed a hell of a lot of guts and courage to pull through it all.. hats off to you.

I am, tonight, going to heed some of your advice and get myself off an a 5 day break (it's been a couple of years since I've gone anywhere!) I hoping a bit of relaxing and sunshine (or thunderstorms) will bring me a bit of cheer then when I return I'm off to my first AA meeting to meet some new faces.

To all of you who have very kindly offered an ear for me to talk to I will gladly take you up on your offer in the near future. Suffering from extremely low self esteem and confidence at the moment I'm a little reluctant to make that call just yet as I'm not sure what words will come to me once the phone is picked up.

I was struggling to find a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel but it's beginning to shine through a little just from your support. To have offered a total stranger such kind words is a credit to the kind of people we have on this forum.

Thanks very much again and I'll be back in touch after my little getaway.

[Dr Mike]

The most impressive thing about this thread is the number of posters who write that they identify with the feelings of the original poster and have what Winston Churchill called "The Black Dog, Days"

One of the characteristics of western men is that we do not make deep relationships with other men after about 25; often we can only open up to guys that we knew at School, in the service, played football with etc,--- but all before we were 25 or so.

Here in a place like HH people have many acquaintances but few real friends and none that they have known all their life..

This is all complicated tat we have been raised to think--'Nobody likes a whiner" so we have difficulties in discussing our feelings. Women, have much less problem, each one at almost every point in their lives has at least one 'best friend' that they can talk to about their feelings.

Perhaps in addition to AA for drinkers we need a FLSA (Feeling like S*** anonoymous)

Pick your night, pick your bar and any body who needs cheering up goes and make a conscious effort NOT to leave until they have has one real talk, made two new friends and had three big laughs.
Its hard for drinkers to go to their first AA meeting , but many will tell you it was the best ting that they ever did.
Bar owners--- make a suggestion---what is there to loose.

[jimmy40]

Mr Lost, don't put yourself down, everyone at some point has had a life turning point, i was put on anti ansiety medication after suffering a panic attack, you will get through all of this. Trust me everything does not last forever. Things change, try to never dwell on the past. Think of good things, not the bad. Go out try new things, think of yourself for a change. Do what YOU want to do. Life is to short to worry. good luck to you

[sargeant]

Lost
I hope your break has helped i would sure like to know
and my offer of a chat still stands PM if it helps in any way

[sargeant]

This was me before

IMG_4574g.JPG (171.32 KiB) Viewed 1734 times

this is me now

DSC05426m.jpg (139.23 KiB) Viewed 1734 times

this is what i also got rid off beware Cha Am and springfield people

this princess is what is making my new life happy

[richard]

Well done Sarge

[Aussie_Al]

Having read all the posts, and having had a way more traumatic life than many, in many different areas, over many years.

I can most highly recommend books on Rational Emotive Therapy, by an Arthur Ellis if memory serve me correctly.
But all his books, are co authored by another with more experience in writing books.

All are officilly I think psychology texts, but such an easy read, they are more like a novel.

The bottom line is how you feel is governed by how you think.

So learning to think differently, changes hugely, and surprisingly quickly, how you feel.

Without going into lengthy stories, but in brief.
Imagine finding oneself in prison, framed by a cop your wife is screwing for a terrible offence.

Living this for nearly 2 years until when aquitted at Appeal; you then find all those involved have all fled the juristiction to avoid justice through the Courts; with 2 daughters abducted overseas when Court matters for custody were still current.

The selfish option seems pretty good at times like this.

But these books saw me become a stronger man, achieving justice through the Courts as a self represented litigant with no formal legal quals.

This very brief, and simplistic overview, of a much more complicated, and traumatic time; is only typed to indicate in a small way what can be overcome.

Given if nothing else it taught me trauma is relative to ones experience.

Therefore how one person feels about something, is none the less real to them; than someone else dealing with a seemingly bigger issue with no apparent effort.

It is a matter of perspective to the person suffering.

To close anyone here may PM me if they wish, if I may of assistance as an example of as others have said.
Things eventually change, and get better.

[hhfarang]

Sarge, you are a mere shadow of your former self and your new lady looks lovely!

[migrant]

Way to go Sarge!!

[pharvey]

All looking good sarge - fair play Sir!!

[sargeant]

Thankyou for your kind comments
I am in a totally new world
I posted that post mainly to show LOST that there is light at the end of the tunnel

I stayed in a lonely place hanging on to yesterday for far far to long

I am now close to seeing the dream i came here with in 1998 happening
My very near future wife is close to her dream and has bought the land and my dream of building a house to my & Her design with MY OWN HANDS AND SKILL will complete two peoples dreams

I will have something i love doing keeping me occupied (& fit) and she will be busy realising her dream

So far far away from staring at my sleeping pills or fashioning a coat hanger only 5 months ago