England - The best in the world already!

[Jockey]

Argentina striker Hernan Crespo insisted yesterday that England would put their woeful group performances behind them and go on to win the World Cup, despite the Argentinians' 6-0 rout of Serbia and Montenegro on Friday, and last night's win over Mexico to put them in the quarters..

'We can't sleep at night for worrying about England', said the 30-year-old former Chelsea man, who now plays his football in Italy's Serie A, having failed to make the grade in the vastly superiour English Premiership.

'Our coach is the same. We hear him walking up and down the corridors of the hotel at night, muttering "England, ah England" to himself.' He's on prescription medication like all the members of the team, but it doesn't seem to help. I think it's a waste of time our being here.'

'England have such good players. Peter Crouch, for instance, is a very good player who I personally and many other members of the squad have tried to model ourselves on. And then there's Stewart ... er, whatsisname, the Cole brothers and Bobby Charlton. To be honest, I think if Wayne Rooney had been fully fit, England would have won the World Cup already!'

Argentina's 6-0 drubbing of Serbia and Montenegro was remarkable in that not a single Serbian player got a touch of the ball during the entire match. The Argentinians' second goal in particular - already the goal of the millennium - came at the end of a marvellous 250-pass move when Cambiasso set up legend Maradona to score with a deft flick from amongst the crowd.

Crespo, however, insisted that it was all down to luck.

'We're not really much good, either individually or as a team. Look at me. I'm a really rubbish player. Tevez and Messi are really rubbish players too. We just have the good fortune to have been born in a country where footballing talent is thin on the ground. If we'd been born in England we'd be playing for amateur teams in the Sunday league. That Peter Crouch, now there's a player ... Do you know anyone who could get me his autograph?'

Brazilian star Ronaldinho confirmed Crepso's prediction.

'England are still the team you will have to beat to win the World Cup,' said the Barcelona superstar.

'And I don't think we're up to it. Like Argentina, Brazil are really rubbish this year, and so are the Germany, Italy and Spain. All the teams are rubbish, except England.'

[Big Boy]

The crowing just keeps on coming
And what a goal by Beckham

Only one dampener on the match -with the amount of chances Lampard is missing, I'm starting to wonder if he has any Italian blood in him. Hopefully not - and when he starts playing to his full potential, England will be the World Champions they deserve to be.

Holland or Portugal - who cares, just Bring it on

[Guess]

And we will all be looking forward to it (England v Holand & Portugal) after getting over the shock of witnessing Randy Cornhole consuming his own shit.

It looks the Panama hat and the corect thong did the trick for David.

I eagerly await more inside information from the world's media on the next epsiode in the behaviour of the Beckhams. It is rumoured already that the Beckam administration are working on a way of solving Lampard's recent spell of impotency.

The Gelsenkirchen AufSchalke Arena is now become the most secure location in Germany and has been nicknamed "The Lion's Den" by Franz Beckenbaur which was later echoed by Sven Goran Erikson in a post match interview with the German media.

[Wanderlust]

If we play as we did tonight against our next opponents, either Holland or Portugal, we are going to get slaughtered. And why, oh, why did SGE wait until the 85th minute before subbing an obviously exhausted Beckham? I could see it was needed from about the 70th minute, and Gerrard was also suffering by the look of it. Instead he subs Joe Cole who didn't appear to be either tired or playing badly. The Swede constantly baffles me and is rightfully going to inherit the title Turnip. Yes we won - hooray - but do not look at all like World Champions.

[Big Boy]

Wanderlust wrote:

The Swede constantly baffles me and is rightfully going to inherit the title Turnip. Yes we won - hooray - but do not look at all like World Champions.

Its all part of Sven's cunning masterplan. He's not even had to show his hand yet. Not bad.............getting to the quarter finals of the World Cup, and still haven't played well. England must be the laughing stock of the competition, the team everybody wants to play........................I think not!

Crespo and Ronaldinho aren't laughing in Jockey's post (I've already spoken about many a true word being spoken in jest). Those guys aren't daft - they can actually see through Sven's plan.

Ecuador were no mugs, like Paraguay (and England) they have beaten Argentina in the last 12 months. They were saying on the English comentary that they have also beaten Brazil.

If they can win when they're playing badly, watch out world when they start playing well

[caller]

So, after the shambles of the Holland / Portugual game, where the referee exceeded our very own Mr. Gnome for incompetence, does anyone have the score for the next game i.e. who can play for Portugal and whos fit?

Ronaldo - injured?
Carvahlo - injured?
Deco - sent off (yes!!!)
Anon of Portugal - sent off
Figo - just might get punished for his "butt"
How many others on a yellow card?

[Guess]

Yes, I agree its not looking good for Portugal who seem now to be facing a worse predicament that that of Randy Cornhole.

The first four games of the second round have all been won by the first team listed. If this pateern continues with the next four it means the last eight will be :

Germany
Argentina
England
Portugal
Italy
Brazil
Switzerland
Spain

Continuing this pattern into the quarter finals the teams left will be:

Germany
Italy
England
Brazil

And again to the semis it leaves

Germany v England.

I am sure that the Beckham's phsychoanalytic team and the England/Germany manager will already be aware of this symmetrical outcome. All that remains then is the outcome of the final which would most likely be 2 2 with Cole and Lampard scoring one a piece and then extra time Lamaprd completeing a hatrick.

The cost of the refereee bribery will increase with each stage based on a cash for yellow cards basis.

[Big Boy]

All that remains then is the outcome of the final which would most likely be 2 2 with Cole and Lampard scoring one a piece and then extra time Lamaprd completeing a hatrick.

That explains a lot - I had assumed Lampard's lack of performance in front of goal was down to his Italian blood, and he had accepted a bung not to score - if he were playing for Chelsea, he would already have scored at least 6 of the sitters he's missed. If he'd been on form, the critics would have been singing England's praises rather than rubbishing their chances.

So Guess, you believe he's holding out for a grande finale. I do hope so, but I also believe he may be needed against Brazil in the semi final. Playing with just 10 men is becoming a bit tiresome.

[Big Boy]

Italy 1 - 0 Australia

How much did they pay the ref to award a non-existant penalty in the final second of the match? - disgusted!

I still maintain, the Italians should be disqualified from this competition.

[Jaime]

The Argentinians' second goal in particular - already the goal of the millennium - came at the end of a marvellous 250-pass move when Cambiasso set up legend Maradona to score with a deft flick from amongst the crowd.

I laughed out loud at that Jockey - the rest was very chuckle-worthy too!

[Perente]

Well there we go. Good to see the ozzies do as well as they did, I'm sure it will raise the profile of "soccer" in Australia for some time to come. Look out for 2010. Thanks to those of you who have had a joke, and to Guess for his kinder comments, and now, as much as it hurts, I'd better say;

Good luck, you pommy bastards

[essbee]

Big Boy ............. what was that about Italians and penalties...Ooooops

[Big Boy]

essbee asked:

what was that about Italians and penalties

Nothing wrong with the Italians being awarded penalties when they're fouled. My objection is with the referee gifting them a penalty in the last second of the match when no offence was committed.

With a large percentage of Serie A being investigated for corruption, and Guess assuring me that it is not the Players being investigated, but the officials - that decision stinks!

[Randy Cornhole]

So sad for the Aussie fans and team. Not sure that was a penalty. They certainly deserved another 30 mins of play...

[Guess]

Well I am sorry for the depature of the Ozzies. But at least from now on they will get a better chance to qualify without having to travel half way round the planet for a two legged play off.

I think we will see more of Australia in the future.

As for the Italian penalty which surprising they scored as I seem to remember being told that the Italians can't score penalties. My interpretation of the rules is that if a foul is commiteed by the defending side in their own penalty box a penalty kick is awarded. This would apply if it was just a simple (maybe accidental foul) a yellow carder or a red carder.

In this case it was I agree given on just a foul and a contreversal one at that. This happens all the time in soccer. I remember a case where England got through to the next round of the European Championship at the expense of the Spanish in a much worse referring decision than that.

I don't remember the Pommies whinging about that one.

Anyway if England do win the cup I understand that it will be illegal to celebrate as the England flag may cause offence to many of the inhabitants of the green and pleasant land that will be forever............ ( I digress).