Are you a master of the media and good at populist posing? Are you insatiable in your ambition for enormous wealth and fame? Do you have the audacity to think that what is good for you must be good for the country?
Then this may be the job for you.
This is a senior-level appointment. A minimum of 10 years' political experience is required. Only serious candidates with serious dictatorial tendencies need apply.
Minimum requirements:
- At least 10 years' experience consolidating power in the national spotlight while delivering high-quality retribution on political rivals.
- At least five years' experience exploiting the politically weak while offering unconditional protection to those with the right connections.
- Must possess a vast personal fortune and a track record of buying influence.
- A willingness to break the rules of politics.
- The demonstrable audacity to convince others that you and the state are one and the same; that the personal is political; that what is good for your bank account is good for everyone.
- A firm grasp in the black arts of deception, intrigue, self-protection and self-promotion.
- A proven track record in intimidating the press and independent legal inquiries.
- A proven track record using capital punishment and extra-judicial killings as a political tool to invoke fear in the hearts of the populace and the old elite.
- Experience using colour-themed agitation, mobilisation and propaganda to attack the status quo while promoting a similarly hierarchical and undemocratic system in which the leader is above the law and the people are mere pawns.
- A high tolerance for hypocrisy is essential. The ideal candidate will talk the talk but not walk the walk. While noisily attacking corruption, one must show the discreet skills necessary to quietly amass a fortune.
- Must be able to brandish sharp-edged nationalistic rhetoric to distract and misdirect the media while secretly depositing billions in foreign bank accounts.
- Must have a track record using the police force to terrify opponents, reap the ill-gotten spoils of others and enforce a personal agenda.
- The ability to co-opt free media coverage is essential to complement paid public relations and paid advertisements in support of the cause.
- Must have experience in executing a major crackdown, preferable with mandatory quotas in liquidating so-called enemies of the people. Anti-drug crackdowns are accepted, but the applicant must explain how being tough on suspected substance abuse can be twisted and distorted to instil fear in the innocent while stealthily promoting an-all encompassing political agenda.
Preferred but not essential:
- The ideal candidate will have a proven track record of making promises that instil hope and buy time but are blatantly impossible to keep.
- Logistical experience in putting on provincial roadshows and public spectacles for a mass audience is a plus.
- The ability to keep cool and comfortable in a climate known for hot muggy temperatures and delicious spicy food.
- Willingness to travel to remote rural locations for photo-ops while pretending to be democratic and making token handouts to the poor.
- A willingness to work overtime to micro-manage every aspect of governance, especially information control and media management.
- Proven skills in manipulating revolutionary rhetoric and staging mass rallies to cast a spell on the populace through mass hypnosis.
- A willingness to work with artists, musicians and vocalists in the staging of stirring anthems and colour-themed assemblies.
Extensive experience working with the colour red preferred, but equivalent experience in other colour schemes will be considered.
Desired but not essential:
- The superior candidate will find himself in possession of an ambitious and imperious wife who plays second fiddle but actually exerts undue influence in political and business affairs. A spoiled brat son to groom as an heir is also an asset.
- Experience in political exile is a bonus.
Include an inflated resume and a cover letter that addresses why one is uniquely qualified to be not just a leader of men but leader of leaders.
Along with your cover letter, please include a short essay on one of the following topics:
1) Explain how to play the media and distort the laws of the land is such a way that political allies can do no wrong and political rivals can do no right.
2) How best to construct a social programme that will win the temporary support of the poor and dispossessed without tapping your own personal fortune or that of your network?
3) Compare and contrast the advantages of extorting and expropriating the wealth of upper class rivals to give to the poor, as opposed to the symbolic distribution of token gifts using public money.
4) Write an essay explaining how fighting crime can provide effective cover to advance oneself while destroying rivals and consolidating power
Nominations being accepted:
Anyone who knows a truly outstanding individual is encouraged to nominate a candidate.
Self-nominations are accepted and highly encouraged as over-confidence and blind ambition are essential.
Must be willing to relocate to Chongqing. All application materials will be handled with the strictest confidentiality until they are passed on to whoever gets the job.
Source: Bangkok Post
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