Fighting Off The Selfish Option

[Cing Jai]

Oh, I didn't have time to read the thread word for word but I skimmed it very closely and some members really stood out with their replies. Please don't feel bad if I don't include you here, this was just a list I started of people I'd like to contact because I can't use PM yet. Big thanks to everyone folks for their contributions!:

Lost, it takes a brave person to put their feelings of despair on the internet like that. Much braver than fighting someone twice your size, I commend you for it! I doubt I would have put so much into my post were it not for your sincere OP and all the great replies.

Also, thank you for your contributions gentlemen! Aussie_Al, sargeant, Dr Mike, HHADFan, ge3, Spitfire

[richard]

It is difficult to contact people if they have stopped using the forum. It would be good if members had an email address but I guess it cannot be made mandatory unless the address is only available to Admin who could make a judgement as to it's use if fellow members of the forum were concerned.

Some obviously move on and no longer wish to be associated with the forum. I for one would love to know how Lost, HHfarang, KomfortablyNumb are but they have vanished from the forum and have not responded to PM's

[aragon]

I for one would love to know how Lost, HHfarang, KomfortablyNumb are but they have vanished from the forum and have not responded to PM's

Someone with the moniker "hhfarang" has been posting on the Hua Hin Forum on the Thai Visa website, including this morning, so assuming they are one and the same person, he would appear to be well, though obviously incommunicado!!

[sargeant]

Cing Jai
I dont live in Hua Hin anymore i live in Pranburi city

However if you are coming to Pranburi Tescos or the Pranburi train station let me know day and time and we could meet and have a chat

Good luck finding a good friend
i was very very fortunate in having HHadfan as an awesome good friend at a time i really needed one (he is American as well) i will always be greatfull for his support through the most harrowing time of my life

If you have health issues i recommend Doctor Polpat Hua Hin heart clinic his empathy and understanding is awesome

best of luck stay strong you can see it through

[Cing Jai]

Thanks Sarge, I will take you up on that offer, maybe sooner than later. I'd like to have a look at Pranburi, one of my colleagues lives there. Is that a big Tesco on par with the new one in Tha Yang down there? It would be fun to hop a train from HH, how long is the ride, 20 min? The darn trains never run on schedule though, I'll probably just drive.

Finding a good friend would be a big help! It gets harder as you get older in my experience. I've probably gotten a bit cantankerous and err, more selective, in my old age too and that doesn't help.

Speaking of old age, I should plan something for my 40th coming up. Maybe the forum here would be a great place to do that!

[richard]

Anybody who get's seriously stressed in Thailand is sad IMO

Regardless of age, relationship issues, money problems, life here is great if you adapt and accept when you wake up in the morning/afternoon you are a 'lucky bunny' and there is always an opportunity round the corner

We all get ups and downs. Ride them out See my signature

[STEVE G]

Anybody who get's seriously stressed in Thailand is sad IMO

I can't speak for Thailand as I'm only based there but I worked in other parts of SE Asia for six years and working, as opposed to living, was actually quite stressful which is one of the reasons I now prefer to work back in Europe where things are more logical.
If you work in anything that is supposed to be time-critical, it can be a pretty frustrating experience.

[Takiap]

I've probably gotten a bit cantankerous and err, more selective, in my old age too and that doesn't help.

Speaking of old age, I should plan something for my 40th coming up.

Am I reading this right.................."old age" and "40" used in the same paragraph. Surely if you're only 40 you don't yet consider yourself old?

[sargeant]

I again make no apology for reserecting this thread
but it has been refered to by richard on another thread of similar tone
plus it happens to be my new wife and I first anniversary truly the best happiest year of my life
and my thoughts went back to the dark days and what i would have missed had i succeeded

so to anyone out there contemplating the easy option PM me i will help all i can

but more importantly dont do it think of the future you will be missing

[Cing Jai]

Sorry Sarge and to everyone else who is not going to like this but, I reject your premise. You've found relief through a new wife but, again forgive me for being blunt, that doesn't sound like a "cure" rather a very potent distraction. My humble opinion is all.

I'm glad that it has led you to take better care of yourself and that has turned a cycle of negativity around to a positive one but, if she left tomorrow would you still carry on?

Not all of have the luxury to golf, booze and commiserate all day until out of the blue our old beautiful caddy shows up to rescue us. We don't all have pensions/savings/security and I guarantee she would never have come knocking on the door with my broke ass behind it. I am in no way trying to imply she is after you for money but security is important in considering any potential partner, we all do it, and money = security.

Sometimes it is reasonable to believe that your best days are behind you and if you're happy with the life you've led, or have no friends, or family, or anything to look forward too, or are out of options, etc... there is cause to end your own suffering with dignity. Only problem is that many people are too impulsive. It's taken me years and a recent sudden disability to hit bottom and realize that I'll never get out of the rut I'm in. For some of us there is no bright future just more suffering.

[richard]

Sometimes it is reasonable to believe that your best days are behind you and if you're happy with the life you've led, or have no friends, or family, or anything to look forward too, or are out of options, etc... there is cause to end your own suffering with dignity. Only problem is that many people are too impulsive. It's taken me years and a recent sudden disability to hit bottom realize that I'll never get out of the rut I'm in. For some of us there is no bright future just more suffering.

CJ

There is always hope. I've had ups and downs but I'm an optimist. There is always going to be a solution, a plus just round the corner

Chin up mate

[richard]

Hey CJ,

Just read your post about your mammoth 40th bash.

40? Your nobbut a lad. Life begins at 40 and again at 50 and again at 60. I'm getting close to my dream birthday. 69. Intend celebrating the only way you can when you are 69 and die with my boots on and a smile on my face

If I survive and get to 70, I'll consider slowing down and start counting backwards. Oh sh1t, that means after my 70th I've got another 69 jobbie to do

[MrPlum]

Sorry Sarge and to everyone else who is not going to like this but, I reject your premise. You've found relief through a new wife but, again forgive me for being blunt, that doesn't sound like a "cure" rather a very potent distraction.

Had a young man come and stay at our home once, for a few days, through a web site offering free accommodation to travellers. It's a great way to meet interesting people and for the poverty stricken, saves on cost when it is your turn to travel.

This man had spent the last 10 years in a mental institution but somehow forgot to tell me, before he arrived. It was immediately clear he was intensely introverted. He had tried to resolve his own demons using nutrition and his suitcase was full of herbs and 'superfoods'. But nutrition wasn't his problem. This repressed individual was lacking in basic confidence and desperately needed to get laid. He asked me what I thought he should do. I wrote him a 'prescription'... 'Go out and have sex 5 times in the next 7 days'. He left and I will never know if he took the advice.

The point is that even though sex with a caddy is a 'distraction' which may only last a night or a year, it still has the power to pull you out of your depression. Woman can be wonderful nurses and often instinctively know what a man needs. Love, human contact, unconditional acceptance and nourishment of body, soul and mind.

sarge may wake up with another headache but even if it fails, I doubt he will allow himself to so easily fall back into his former depression. Experience is a great teacher.

Not all of have the luxury to golf, booze and commiserate all day until out of the blue our old beautiful caddy shows up to rescue us. We don't all have pensions/savings/security and I guarantee she would never have come knocking on the door with my broke ass behind it.

Yet you have enough money to host a community event? Some Thai ladies will support you even if you are broke, if only in expectation of better times. I met one older (50) Thai lady who was looking for a man she could 'take care' of. She didn't want to spend the rest of her days alone, nor did she want a Thai. Even Cosmo understands this. I recall a front page headline which said... 'GOOD TIMES. BAD TIMES. WHEN IS THE BEST TIME TO GET YOUR MAN?' It tickled me at the time but I later learned how true it was.

I wouldn't write off your chances so easily.

Sometimes it is reasonable to believe that your best days are behind you and if you're happy with the life you've led, or have no friends, or family, or anything to look forward too, or are out of options, etc... there is cause to end your own suffering with dignity.

This is just melancholy. Feeling suicidal is common. Try coming off a psychiatric drug. That'll curl your toes.

It's taken me years and a recent sudden disability to hit bottom and realize that I'll never get out of the rut I'm in.

If you are at bottom, there is only one way to go. Up. Go to many villages in Asia and see the desperate poverty and yet the people will greet you with a beaming smile.

For some of us there is no bright future just more suffering.

Suffering is a state of mind and transient. When you are 'in the pit' you think you will never come out. You will.

[sargeant]

she left tomorrow would you still carry on?

“If she leaves tomorrow it doesn't matter. She's been the best therapy I could ever have. She restored my manhood. I thought I could never have another woman and now I don't give the ex a thought...”

sarge may wake up with another headache but even if it fails, I doubt he will allow himself to so easily fall back into his former depression. Experience is a great teacher.

does that answer your question i will never let myself be "lost in a lonely place for far far to long" ever again

Thanks Sarge, I will take you up on that offer, maybe sooner than later. I'd like to have a look at Pranburi, one of my colleagues lives there.

the offer is still open and will remain so i am still waiting for a pm

but most of all dont do it
getting MrP and me to agree on anything is a huge achievement and on not one but two threads to boot that is a positive for you for today

If you are at bottom, there is only one way to go. Up.

[Lost]

Better late than never I suppose,

I hope all you good folks understand why I haven't returned to this thread since the first posts. A change was needed to be made, I took on a lot of good suggestions from the board and I ploughed on with my life.

Everyone (I say everyone as it makes me feel better ) comes to a dead end at some point. Some people make a u-turn, but some people fly head first into the wall. Me... I flew into that wall with no light guiding me at the time. Things were awful but as they say...

"Time heals all wounds".

Things are looking brighter now. At the time, though I didnt respond to posts, it was a welcome interaction. Once the fog had passed, I daren't read through the posts again.

Just a quick thank you to all who responded, not with sarcasm or pity, but with suggestions. Other forums' members would have just shot me down had I posted such a post.

Anyhow, that was a few years ago...I have now doubled my post count in a day and hope to contribute a little more than I have been over the coming days/ weeks/ years? (aint got that many left)