Best of the Rest of the World

[Nereus]

Class trip to the farm
........................................

class trip.jpg (39.61 KiB) Viewed 777 times

[hhfarang]

^ That must be the famous "Little Johnny".

[richard]

Sums the world up as we know it now

[Dannie Boy]

Why a God sends rain to Latin America and not to the Middle East

[dozer]

Marriage announcement of the day (spotted in the The New York Post)

[Frank Hovis]

@Dannie Boy ... scorchio !

[dozer]

Just read today that because of drought in Southern Europe scientists are predicting a shortage of olive oil……

So soon, the world will know how Popeye felt after the death of his wife.

[dozer]

Apparently, Lahore is the new Amsterdam, You can get stoned outside the police station and the Police simply stand by and watch...

[richard]

NO Speak English

A Russian woman married a Canadian and they lived happily ever after in Vancouver. The lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she left off her bra, walked to the shop, clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
(Please scroll down.)















What were you
Thinking?


Her husband speaks English....hellooo!

[Dannie Boy]

I couldn't help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at a bar.

One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man you look tired."

His buddy says, "Mate I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do."

A fellow about my age called Richard (sorry Richard), sitting a couple of stools down had also overheard the conversation. He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says,

"Marry her. That'll put a stop to it.

[dozer]

How they make grapes.

[hhfarang]

U.S. Military instructions, quotes, and signs:

'If the enemy is in range, so are you.' —Infantry Journal

Remember: there are more airplanes in the sea than submarines in the air. —Unknown Author

'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.' —US.Air Force Manual

'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.' 'You, you, and you; panic. The rest of you, come with me.' —U.S.. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

'Tracers work both ways.' —U.S. Army Ordnance Manual

'Five second fuses only last three seconds.' —Infantry Journal

'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.' —Maritime Ops Manual

'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.' —Unknown Marine Recruit

'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.' —USAF Ammo Troop

'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.' —Paul F Crickmore (SR 71 test pilot)

'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'—Unknown Author

'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter— and therefore, unsafe.' —Fixed Wing Pilot

'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.' —Multi-Engine Training Manual

'Without ammunition, the USAF is just an expensive flying club.' —Unknown Author

'If you hear me yell; "Eject, Eject, Eject!", the last two will be echos.' If you stop to ask "Why?", you'll be talking to yourself, because you're the pilot.' —Pre-flight Briefing, a 104 Instructor Pilot

'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. But If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.' —Sign over Control Tower Door

'Never trade luck for skill.' —Author Unknown

'Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.' —Basic Flight Training Manual

'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation: We have never left one up there!' —Unknown Author

'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'—Emergency Checklist

'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.' —Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.' —Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB

'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.' —Sign over Carrier Group Operations Desk

'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.' —Fighter Training Manual

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives. The rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, 'What happened?' The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'

[dozer]

Application for Permission to date my Daughter

[richard]

A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife:

Husband :-I lost my wife, she went shopping & hasn't come back yet.
Inspector :-What is her height?
Husband :-I never checked.
Inspector :-Slim or healthy?.
Husband :-Not slim, can be healthy.
Inspector :-Colour of eyes?
Husband :-Never noticed.
Inspector :-Colour of hair?
Husband :-Changes according to season.
Inspector :-What was she wearing?
Husband :-Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit.
Inspector :-Was she driving?
Husband :-yes.
Inspector :-colour of the car? . . . . .
Husband :-black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door....................….and then the husband started crying...

Inspector:-Don't worry sir,.....we will find your car.

[dozer]

They receive a report in Muslamabad of a woman involved in identity theft, so they rounded up all women fitting the description.