Got into a conversation with a yank today who, after asking where I was from, proclaimed in his american drawl "I'm half Scattish fram my maathers side" I had to inform him your no really Scottish if ye canny properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St , St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake. To be Scottish ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie and ye canna pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, iron-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.Ye ken whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it. To be truley Scottish ah telt him he needs tae ken how tae fall about pished withoot spilling his drink and he needs tae get used tae four seasons in wan day. A true Scot measures distance in minutes and kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him in thur ain family. True Scots kin make hale sentences jist wae swear wurds and somedy ye know has used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date, and aw Scots huv been at a wedding where fitba scores are announced in the chapel. True Scots know irn-bru is a hangover cure and learn tae swear afore they learn tae dae sums. A true Scot wull actually understaun' this and wull add a new post tae proove it. Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words:- how's it hingin, clatty, boggin, cludgie, pished, get it up ye, wee beasties, erse bandit, amurny, awa' an bile yer heid, peely-wally, humphey backit, ba'-heid, baw bag, mocket and mingin.
The yank of course couldnae unerstaun a wurd a' wiz sayin' so a' telt him a joke:
A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butchershoap, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks, "Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?"
"Naw," replies the butcher.
"It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'.
He didnae get it
) bairn, quine, loon...
