If you owned an undertakers - what would you call it?

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Jockey
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If you owned an undertakers - what would you call it?

Post by Jockey »

Living out in Cha Am wondering if I could start a business. Judging by the look of the Ferang population out here, an undertakers might be the most profitable option. But what should I call it?

Born near Edinburgh perhaps I should name it "Burke and Hare" - catering for - "those that don't take death too seriously"; a market that I reckon is out there!
Lazarus and Sons might appeal to the more optimistic?
Paul & Bearers might appeal to the traditionalists.

For burials at sea we could have undertakers called ... Slide & Splash!

I musn't forget the all important one... location! location ! location! - should I open one in a dead-end street or in the dead centre of town? The motto for the business will be 'putting the FUN back into FUNerals'. We could give the customer a choice - Cremation or Burial....."Smoking or Non Smoking".

Throughout the Funeral Parlour there should be a bit of piped music playing ..... Going Underground by The Jam ? .... or if its a cremation ? ... Twisted Firestarter ?

Can any of you HHAD readers help me with any of these decisions?

I can just see the next post ... Aye - drop dead! :mrgreen:
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housedoctor
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Post by housedoctor »

:cry: :cry: We have an undertaker in Dublin specialising in cremation going by the name, Hugh Byrne. :cheers:
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The understudy
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Post by The understudy »

Dear Jockey
The most song played on FUNerals here is in the US from James Blunts "Good Bye my Lover" and the least played Song is....Another one Bites the Dust by Queen.
I think you should open your Business on a Road which leads to the sunset side but with an Office which has it's wndows heading to the sunrise side, which has a special meaning "Every ending has A new Beginning!
Namewise hmm... "David & Diablo"?

Your's the understudy
(Sorry for my misspellings in the other post I was kinda in a hurry!)
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STEVE G
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Post by STEVE G »

I took someone to Buriram hospital earlier this year, and I couldn’t help noticing that there was a shop right opposite the main entrance selling coffins. I admire the guy for seeing a business opportunity, but it can’t be very good for the morale of the patients. I did suggest to the gent visiting the hospital that it might not be a good sign for the quality of the place, but he just laughed and said that it was cheap. Sorry, I didn’t get the name of the opportunist coffin vendor.
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richard
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Post by richard »

How about Greatful Dead

Great should really have been spelt 'Grate' for the cremations :thumb:
RICHARD OF LOXLEY

It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.
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Farang
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Post by Farang »

,
The slash, cash and burn undertaking of the Undertaking seems to be based on the adage:
"As you cannot take it with you, it's only right and proper to leave it all at the Undertakersâ€
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Wanderlust
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Post by Wanderlust »

You could have a radio ad inspired by the Monty Python sketch 'Funerals at Prestatyn'...
Dead? Ring Arthur Sodgen of Prestatyn, the fastest funeral service in North Wales. We will get the deceased out of the house and down the shute within the hour. Free wine glasses with every certified stiff. Ring 04042187 if you are about to snuff it and our Fiat 850 will be at your door within 10 minutes. Also Danish and Scandinavian books. see everything.
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Jaime
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Post by Jaime »

How about:

"The Big Sleep Co. Ltd"
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DILLIGAF
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Post by DILLIGAF »

gone with the wind...

gone & forgotten...

goodbye....

seeya....

the great escape....
regards & seeya!
DILLIGAF
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STEVE G
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Post by STEVE G »

How about “Boxham & Burnham Ltdâ€
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Wanderlust
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Post by Wanderlust »

There is always the option of the Dutch undertakers, Kikt de Buckedt and Gonto Meetismakker, who do a nice line in coffins shaped as clogs. As far as the music goes, you could choose anything by This Mortal Coil, 'Hell Ain't A Bad Place To Be' by AC/DC, 'Knock On Wood' by a number of artists for those buried prematurely, 'Down Under' by Men At Work, "Down Down' by Staus Quo, and for a bit of light relief 'The Only Way Is Up' by Yazz. To encourage more clients to avail themselves of your services you should of course play Joy Division, Leonard Cohen and The Cure non stop, with a bit of Crazy Frog to push them over the edge.
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chelsea
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Post by chelsea »

Names for Funeral Directors, could be " 6 Feet Under", Downunder Funeral Services or Dead & Buried

Only one song to play: Old Bowie favourite, 'Ashes to Ashes"
:cheers: :cheers: :cheers:
Always Borrow Money from a Pesimist. "They Never Expect it Back"
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chelsea
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Post by chelsea »

You forgot one other criteria, "Groups to Play at Funerals", most obvious would be "Grateful Dead"
:rasta: :rasta: :cheers: :cheers:
Always Borrow Money from a Pesimist. "They Never Expect it Back"
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Bamboo Grove
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Post by Bamboo Grove »

Epitaph:
It was fun but I lost my health doing it
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housedoctor
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Post by housedoctor »

:cheers: Epitaph on a hypochondriac's headstone:
'Now do you believe me' :cheers:
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