Getting old

[Huahinian]

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an
aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

* Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

* The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

* Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me.' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

* I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prost ate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet
anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

* An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted herashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?' 'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me
twice a week.'

* My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

* Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

* I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are justprone to swingi ng.

* It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

* These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'

* Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

* Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.

* Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow
old because you stop laughing.

* THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

[STEVE G]

Two retired guys in their seventies decide to have a round of golf.
On the first tee one of them says, “My eyes are not as good as they used to be, can you keep an eye on the ballâ€

[a10ams]

Three old guys out playing golf .....

First one says "It's windy today."

Second replies "No it's not, it's Thursday."

Third guy says "So am I, let's go for a beer."

[Randy Cornhole]

Q. What stinks of urine and go's in and out?





A. Your grand parents doing the 'okey kokey'