Beware the British Chav's

[Jockey]

Chavs are like Neds, as in they wear tracksuits and trainers, caps etc and are mostly white. Chavs are only a certain type of dick head. They have to wear the chav clothes and have the Chav way of talking or else they're just violent, mad bastards, not to be confused with Yobs, who are mostly drunks, like the lager louts on the streets of Cardiff. Then there are Hoodies. These are mostly young black guys who wear hooded tops and like a variety of mugging, shooting, stabbing etc. White hoodies like hip hop and try to 'ape' black hoodie's. For more info go to www.chavscum.com

[The understudy]

Thanks Jockey for the Slangs and people type insights of UK I apreciate it greatly! Allthough Hoodies it's commonly used for Blacks in the US with the same characteristics as you had discribed above.
The most hated White Hip Hop trio in the US as I know of would be the Beasty Boys as Blacks say the "They ain't Real Dog" and "Them Boys can't rhyme sh**!

[DawnHRD]

Is there a point to this thread, Jockey?

[Jockey]

Is there a point to this thread, Jockey?

The main point Dawn is fun. (A bit of satirical humour n'that no?)

[PeteC]

Thanks Jockey for the Slangs and people type of UK lesson I apreciate it. greatly. Allthough Hoodies it's commonly used for Blacks in the US with the same characteristics as you had discribed above.
The most hated White Hip Hop trio in the US as I know of would be the Beasty Boys as Blacks say the "They ain't Real Dog" and "Them Boys can't rhyme sh**!

Wow, have I ever lost touch with my homeland!? I don't understand half of the above....LOL. Old-Ugly-American Pete

[bozzman101]

yes agree jockey

was talikng to a socical work she imfprmed me a whigger

is a white nig etc if your allowed say the n word here??? wondering

as i do not want to cause racial tension possibly a white hip hop who thinks hes blacker than black

[DawnHRD]

Is there a point to this thread, Jockey?

The main point Dawn is fun. (A bit of satirical humour n'that no?)

OK, sorry. I must be a bit spaced out today - 'fraid it went clean over my head

[Jockey]

Whigger! never heard this term before! Is this a whigger?

[bozzman101]

an excellent choice Jockey thnik this cretin in the video typifys a total ass hole waveing agun around
is it a real gun wondering or something from woolworths

mind you i havent a clue what he is talking about have you??

mabey some one could translate into normal english........lol ps excuse my dsalexia and spelling

[STEVE G]

Jockey, I had a bit of a wander around that first website you posted, and I feel like I’ve had a day at the zoo.

[Jockey]

Jockey, I had a bit of a wander around that first website you posted, and I feel like I’ve had a day at the zoo.

Yes - it's funny! I particularly liked this:

To most the cinema is a haven of art expression using the technologies of the modern age, to tell stories to enrich our lives, or a place for escapist entertainment and amusement. To a chav it's simply the place that you can go to text your mate or snog your bint.

Of course there are exceptions and films that chavs would go out of their way to see. Most of these are of course sequels as there is no way that average chav would spend a fiver on something they don't know if they are going to like. The idea of an original plot or idea is something to be feared not encouraged.

Refreshments are also important, and along with the popcorn (that chavs
will remember they don't actually like after about 15 seconds and have to use as a projectile to aim at 'nerds and geeks' instead) and fanta most chavs will find it highly amusing to sneak in some alcohol as it's just a another on the checklist of anti social behaviour. Adverts are a source of huge humour potential, even though they are the same as the ones seen on tv at home all week.

For the mates that are they enjoying the experience with them (that they don't have to text, though even their close proximity may not stop this need to text) they will discuss the film with what we might refer to as a 'special feature' or 'commentary' for all of those in the audience not bright enough to grasp such important filmic nuances as how good the lead actresses tits are, or how Vin Diesel is 'Da man' and could 'beat the s***' out of Arnie.

Of course as we all know Chavs feel out of their depth in the outside world and so there is nothing they like better than to relax at home with a good movie. This will of course confirm to the rule of sequels being better than the original and '2 fast 2 furious' being better than the original film because there was a pink car in it and 'Final Destination 2' being better than the first film because 'there are better deaths with more blood' (these are two observations I have actually heard in person).

Of course chavs like a star as much as the rest of us, but their community hero worships their own and so we witness the popularity of Jean Claude Van Damme, Jet Li and the previously mentioned Van Diesel. The presence of an R&B star such as 50 cent, Aaliyah or Ice T is almost enough to make a chav wet their pants in excitement. If this presence of musical talent is teamed with a kung fu god the chav watching will also leap up and down and proclaim it as 'best film ever'. A good example of this would be 'Romeo must die' starring Aaliyah and Jet Li and DMX. Any mention however of the Romeo and Juliet style plot will of course be ignored. Also if a film has gone straight to video then it wasn't getting ideas about its station and can be loved like a slightly inbred cousin.

As much as the chav loves kung fu, other favourite genres would include horror and sci-fi. Horror must of course include as many killings that are as graphically rendered as possible. Psychological horror would have to be a horror with a psycho in it that does killings with blood. Sci-fi must be full of aliens, that also do killings. Any attempt to explain the 'science' will be met with distrust (the attempt to explain what was going on in the Matrix was only tolerated as there was lots of kick arse kung fu) and labeled as 'boring bits'.

Of course female chavs like to look at moving pictures too and so long as there is not much plot to confuse them they will be more than happy. Their version of the straight to video faves that their male counterparts adore is the 'Danielle Steele Presents' TV movie. This will feature an interchangeable back drop (usually something like a New York fashion design house) but usually some sort of rags to riches saga with a nice and nasty man that the female lead will manage to shag at various points during the plot. There might also be a missing mother or father. This plot must not be deviated from or the female chav will feel cheated. In fact, if a such a film isn't available a chav will enjoy the films they know will not try to challenge their minds too much i.e. a film they have seen before. A female chavs list of favourite films will include one or all of the following; Pretty Woman, Titanic, Coyote Ugly, Dirty Dancing. The only new film they would enjoy is a sequel to any of the above.

As all chavs know the person responsible for a film is the star. The idea of a director is an alien concept and would think Stanley Kubrick is a brand you would find in B&Q and the Cohen brothers are like a low rent version of the chuckle brothers.

They may possibly have heard of Spielberg or Lucas but think they are one and the same person.

So there you have it, as chavs invade every aspect of culture you can at least know your enemy and where in the film world he is likely to be. If you go to the local art house cinema to see a subtitled Bergman retrospective, Id lay money on the fact you'll be chav free....unless they see Death and think they've stumbled into Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey that is.

[Jockey]

This is not so funny from a UK perspective...

BRITAIN is the worst place to grow up in the developed world, according to the first study of its kind.

Wide-ranging research released by UNICEF today reveals the UK lags behind countries such as Poland, the Czech Republic and Hungary in a league table assessing children's wellbeing.

It highlighted that the UK is struggling in terms of relative poverty and deprivation, the quality of children's relationships with their parents and peers, education and young people's own sense of wellbeing, as well as their behaviour and risk-taking.

Academics compared 40 indicators to compile the snapshot of life for children in 30 industrialised nations. The review put the UK in the bottom third in five of the six "dimensions" measured. It fared best in the category examining health and safety - finishing 15th out of 25 countries.

The UNICEF report described the UK's performance as a "shocking" result for one of the richest countries examined. Professor Jonathan Bradshaw, one of the authors, said: "It's a depressing picture for the UK. I think there's a belief that things are much better than they are. Across the board, we're not doing well for our children."

Britain was ranked worse than average in rates of teenage pregnancy, smoking, obesity, drug and alcohol use, physical violence, bullying and daily access to fruit. The study also revealed that 22.6 per cent of Britons aged 11, 13 and 15 in 2001 said they were either in "poor or fair" health - compared with a mean result of 14.1 per cent.

It revealed that only 43.3 per cent of Britons in the same category found their peers "kind and helpful" - compared with 65.6 per cent overall in Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development countries.

And 35.3 per cent of Britons aged 15 in 2003 admitted they aspired to low-skilled work - compared with 27.5 per cent overall and just 14.4 per cent in the United States. Child wellbeing was at its highest in the Netherlands, Sweden, Denmark and Finland.

UNICEF officials said the report showed that the UK "scores particularly badly in bringing about the wellbeing of its children". Prof Bradshaw, of the University of York, added: "We don't have answers to all of the 'why' questions. We do comparatively badly, but if you look at the data as a whole, children are fairly happy - but our children aren't as happy as other country's children.

"A general statement must be that it's due to a huge increase in child poverty and deprivation during the 1980s."

The report also highlighted that only 66.7 per cent of British 15-year-olds said they ate with their parents several times each week - compared with 79.4 per cent overall. Prof Bradshaw said that figure suggested a "lesser importance of the family unit" in the UK than elsewhere in the developed world.

The study revealed that 16.2 per cent of British children were growing up in relative poverty - significantly higher than the 11.2 per cent mean figure.

Academics at the Child and Adolescent Health Research Unit at Edinburgh University contributed to the report. Rebecca Smith, assistant international co-ordinator of its Health Behaviour in School-aged Children study, admitted that although it was well known that the UK fares poorly in child poverty league tables, it was "a bit of a surprise" to find it at the bottom overall.

"We sometimes forget links between things like obesity and wellbeing. It shows these links and that children smoking, drinking and getting pregnant don't happen in a vacuum.

"This report will, hopefully, generate discussion."

Campaigners and opposition politicians claimed the report exposed that a generation of children had been failed under Labour. Colette Marshall, the UK director of Save the Children, said:

"This report shows clearly that, despite the UK's wealth, we are failing to give children the best possible start in life. The UK government is not investing enough in the wellbeing of children, especially to combat poverty and deprivation."

Tom Roberts, head of public affairs at Children 1st, described the results as "extremely disappointing", while George Osborne, the shadow chancellor, placed the blame on Gordon Brown. He said: "After ten years of his welfare and education policies, our children today have the lowest wellbeing in the developed world. We need a new approach."

Prof Bradshaw also called for the government to "refocus" to tackle the issues highlighted in the assessment, titled Report Card 7, Child Poverty in Perspective: An Overview of Child Wellbeing in Rich Countries. He said:

"In government, there's a sense they've achieved a lot and the problem is being solved. But we've got a long way to go and need a redoubling of efforts."

A Scottish Executive spokeswoman said: "We want every child in Scotland to have the best possible start in life. We are determined that, through our health-improvement and anti-poverty strategies, we will improve health, education and economic opportunities for the next generation of Scots."

A government spokeswoman said: "Improving children's wellbeing is a real priority for this government. But in many cases the data used is several years old and does not reflect more recent improvements in the UK, such as the continuing fall in the teenage pregnancy rate, or in the proportion of children living in workless households."