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Best of the Rest of the World
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil know`s you`re dead!
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
pharvey wrote: ↑Thu Jan 02, 2020 12:38 am Had this one years ago, but lost the link - thankfully it's doing the rounds again....
How to deal with cold calls!
https://famguardian.org/Subjects/Proper ... m_Mabe.mp4
Class!
Only just saw this... brilliant!
I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
An airplane was about to crash...
There were 3 passengers on board but only 2 parachutes.
The 1st passenger, Donald Trump said, I am much loved and also the smartest president to have ever ruled in America. So my people don’t want me to die. He took the 1st pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 2nd passenger, the pope, said to the 3rd passenger a 10yr old schoolboy, “My boy I am old and have lived a long life, you are young and deserve to live yours, I will sacrifice myself and let you take the last parachute!” The young boy replied “That’s ok your Holiness, there’s a parachute left for the both of us, America’s smartest President took my school bag!”
There were 3 passengers on board but only 2 parachutes.
The 1st passenger, Donald Trump said, I am much loved and also the smartest president to have ever ruled in America. So my people don’t want me to die. He took the 1st pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 2nd passenger, the pope, said to the 3rd passenger a 10yr old schoolboy, “My boy I am old and have lived a long life, you are young and deserve to live yours, I will sacrifice myself and let you take the last parachute!” The young boy replied “That’s ok your Holiness, there’s a parachute left for the both of us, America’s smartest President took my school bag!”
“Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”
― George Carlin
“The further a society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate those who speak it.” -George Orwell.
― George Carlin
“The further a society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate those who speak it.” -George Orwell.
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
William Shatner wanted to start up a line of female underwear.
Unfortunately Shatner Undies wasn’t the greatest brand name.
Unfortunately Shatner Undies wasn’t the greatest brand name.
May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil know`s you`re dead!
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
Like it 555. Took me a few seconds but got there :-)
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pharvey
- Moderator
- Posts: 15714
- Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:21 am
- Location: Sir Fynwy - God's Country
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
Sorry...... Just my sense of humour..... 
You may just struggle to replicate in HH!
You may just struggle to replicate in HH!
"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things" - Yma o Hyd.
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
Anybody have Grey hair:
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;...
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator!!"
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!"
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;...
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator!!"
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!"
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!
May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil know`s you`re dead!
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
Anybody here from the Ozark Mountains?
"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Robbie.
"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy.The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Robbie what he meant by that.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Robbie and trouble were old friends but he always told the truth.
"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double barreled shot gun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!''
"Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!
"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barrelled 12-gauge shotgun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy's crack!"
"Miss Russell, we all been pluckin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!"
"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Robbie.
"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy.The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Robbie what he meant by that.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Robbie and trouble were old friends but he always told the truth.
"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double barreled shot gun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!''
"Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!
"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barrelled 12-gauge shotgun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy's crack!"
"Miss Russell, we all been pluckin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!"
May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil know`s you`re dead!
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arcadianagain
- Ace
- Posts: 1748
- Joined: Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:58 pm
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
A secret service man was on Donald Trump`s bodyguard detail when an assassin burst through the cordon waving a gun. The secret service man yelled "Micky Mouse" which brought the assassin up short, enough time for the bodyguards to overwhelm him. In the post incident discussion he was asked what gave him the great idea to yell "Micky Mouse" he said I panicked, I meant to shout "Donald Duck"
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
- 88135147_10219644542197657_6650948263073546240_n.jpg (30.39 KiB) Viewed 502 times
“Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”
― George Carlin
“The further a society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate those who speak it.” -George Orwell.
― George Carlin
“The further a society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate those who speak it.” -George Orwell.
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
The World Health Organisation has declared that dogs cannot transmit Corona virus, and there is no reason to quarantine dogs anymore.
W.H.O. let the dogs out.
W.H.O. let the dogs out.
I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
- iZF2Pnw.jpg (85.38 KiB) Viewed 458 times
I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
- 3ncm7e.jpg (57.9 KiB) Viewed 454 times
I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Re: Best of the Rest of the World
- 3neaw8.jpg (41.69 KiB) Viewed 455 times
I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.