GIRLFRIEND PROBLEM

[Jockey]

Lippy - do you love her? May be she loves you too and gets frustrated when you drink, hence the drama queen antics. May be you should marry her? You obviously have a lot of feelings for each other.

[Hobiecat]

The best of luck to you Lippy. A difficult situation to deal with when you feel you have finally reached paridise.

"Richards" course of plan is rightfull the correct way to go.

Keep in mind if things take a turn for the worst and everything really goes south. A photo copy of your loved ones ID card and the knowledge of it in the hands of the police is a major detourent to any repercuisons you maybe ungreatfully on the recieving end of.

The Thai are often more scared of the police than you.

[Brit Jim]

Deleted!

[margaretcarnes]

Lippy, you sound like a decent guy and recognise the problem areas of the relationship. Also taking on board the realistic advice given on here. I hope it all turns out well in the end but would just pick up on a couple of things. First - the time for the GF to rip you off would have been when you signed the house back. Not necessarily. Thais are notoriously patient.
Second, the point someone made about other boyfriends/husbands in the background. A common phenomenon there I'm afraid and one that many very experienced expats have encountered. Usually the boyfriend/husband is behind the plot!
But it is maybe understandable that your reluctance to commit to marriage would cause a rift, as it could anywhere.
Good Luck

[Jockey]

Lippy, as you said, if she wanted to rip you off she would have already. She had a house in her name and she signed it back over to you. That action alone shows two things. 1. She is honest and trustworthy 2. You do not trust her. How do you think she feels every time you go away. She has no security from you and must be wondering if or when its all going to end, therefore, quite rightly, she would like some kind of compensation for the last two years, just as most woman in the world would. As for the drama with the knife - all I read into that is Thai Soap dramas, compassion, frustration and strength of feeling, mixed with a few alcoholic beverages. You have an opportunity for an exiting whirlwind romance or you could blow it by being fagen-like, not letting her into your life fully. Embrace the situation man! If you can handle it, marry her. The alternative is to go tell your sob story to all the other losers in the bars as you ponder what could have been. The time has come to decide if you want to commit or not. It seems like your wimping out. If you can't trust Thai women, don't get involved! It's not fair on them.

[ozuncle]

Jockey,

Surely you are playing the devils advocate.

Get married with all these problems!!!

I agree with you that the girl is possibly lonely and insecure.
" I tell her that I love her but,"
"like a fool I have taken care of her for the last two years"
It seems that the op has found a pretty girl who he does not trust and does not like very much.
Lippy if I am wrong, go and stay there with her for more than two months.
Work out whether you like AND trust her. Make a concerted effort to not get pissed and fight with her. If you both feel strongly for each other give her some security financialy and mentally. Make plans for the future etc.

If as I suspect you work out that you don't like this girl, take the advice given and get rid of her as cheaply AND amicably as possible. As Jockey has said, she could have had your house so in my opinion she needs to be treated respectfully.
As for the knife. people do some very strange things when they are angry and drunk. She is probably very similar to you.

[DawnHRD]

Jockey - I applaud you for one of the most humour-filled posts I've read for a long time.







You were joking, weren't you?

[Jockey]

You were joking, weren't you?

Glad I amused you Dawn, but no - I think the advice I have given to Lippy is sound. So many people on this forum have a very negative view of Thai woman. Out of 100 Ferang / Thai marriages that work, only a few fail, but its only the failures that seem to interest us. If you can't trust them then don't get involved. Don't dangle carrots of wealth and security to a girl only to constantly mistrust her and let her down. From Lippy's posts I have ascertained, correctly or wrongly, that Lippy has very strong feelings for this girl but has a commitment problem. He either has to accept that psychological problem and not get involved, possibly being lonely or having difficult relationships all his life, or he bites the "bullet of life" and fulfills the promises he obviously made to her but now wants to backtrack.

Trust me I know, I'm an expert at relationship failures!

[Brit Jim]

Deleted!

[redzonerocker]

zapped

[richard]

Lippy

Have you even been home to STAY with the family?

Where does she come from?

Many girls get extremely homesick, after all HH is not really Thailand to them and those tied up with a farang feel very insecure without the support of their family and village elders particularly if you are not with them all the time. When you are not there they are remote from their family, may have only a few friends in HH, living in a farang palace. They become targets and are naive enough to be suckered.

They are however, open to compromise and a balance of HH and home if only for a week every few months pays off

If you do go to her home you would also benefit immensely in knowing where she is coming from mentally. She will also get sound advice from elders and her family providing they take to you

Try it

Hope this helps you

[Governor]

I think you know in your heart what you need to do, but can I make a couple of observations that I hope you will take in the spirit they are intended.

1. She is very insecure. What future does she have? We have no plans to marry. When we finish she leaves with a car and thats it. She loses a wonderful lifestyle and will have to work!! I understand that she feels frustrated because she has much to lose and I offer her no committment.
Lippy

The lifestyle is wonderful in your eyes, she may not like it as much as you think, though she has for now got her hands on your house.

She is coming to the UK in April for a month. At the moment I am 50/50 on wether or not I want her to come.

If you decide it's better that she does not come to the UK, and you have sponsored her I would advise you to tell UK Visas at the Embassy. You need not go into to detail, just say that the relationship is no more and you will not support her during her stay. They would not cancel the visa but might have to convince an IO at the point of entry as to why she should be admitted.

My gut feeling is to return to HH in April and sort this mess out once and for all. Pay her off, get rid, inform Police, Rent house, and stay away from HH for a while. Im confident that I can finish this in a respectful manner and she goes back to BKK.

As has been said many times in this and other forums, you need to engage a lawyer to protect your interests.



I know it has been said before, but good luck.

[Brit Jim]

Deleted!

[caller]

She has a One yr Visitors Visa so I will make contact with the Embassy.

Lippy

That's interesting - they're only usually valid for 6 months.

Happy to be corrected.

[SteveHawkinstramplolene]

Yeah marry her ... thats hilarious !!! Youll probably get a nice set of kitchen knives as a wedding present.
She HAS a Thai BF and he is prob putting pressure on her to cane u for as much as possible .. I wouldnt be surprised if its still the guy that got her pregnant .
Get as far away as possible.. No offence mate , but you do sound like a bit of a soft touch .. she obviously feels she can walk all over you...Jesus, how many warning signals do you need !! Get shot of her, before you do.