sorry...Conky is out of the box...
in reply to the OP:
" legging it 400 yards down the road with a TV and video player under one arm and your previously shelf-racked Dong Cheng shotgun under the other....."
as I said I come from (near) Wigan......
here's a few examples of wit from Wigan:
whats brown and black, and looks cool on Scousers? A Doberman.....
whats white and looks good on Scousers? A shroud.
what do you call a Scouser in court? The accused.
what do you call a Scouser in court? Guilty!
etc etc.....
"Science flew men to the moon. Religion flew men into buildings."
"To sin by silence makes cowards of men."