Where do we fit in?

General chat about life in the Land Of Smiles. Discuss expat life, relationship issues and all things generally Thailand and Asia related.
Post Reply
User avatar
dtaai-maai
Hero
Hero
Posts: 14884
Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2007 10:00 pm
Location: UK, Robin Hood country

Post by dtaai-maai »

I couldn't agree more, VS. For every problem I've had here (and there've been plenty), I've been repaid three times over by help with all sorts of things, often from people I barely know. Far more, I have to say, than I would ever have had in the UK. Nobody has ever asked for anything in return, most have refused offers of cash - a couple of bottles of beer are welcomed with infinite gratitude. We are overloaded with free pineapples, bananas and papaya, and various allegedly edible items that either have antennae and wings or look like large vegetables, but smell like something less pleasant keep appearing at our door. Sometimes with person attached, usually without.

Some of this help has been in situations where I was unlikely ever to see the person again. Where it involves comparatively poor people I see regularly, there are opportunities to return their generosity and hospitality. But in very simple and unextravagant ways.

Much of this is undoubtedly down to Mrs D-M, who is Thai and seems to make friends wherever she goes and whoever we meet. But we live a quiet life, work quite hard, share what we can (within reason! - let's not get carried with all this happy-clappy talk :wink: ), accept help gracefully and treat those around us with respect. Seems to work for us.

I don't think 'we' fit into the hierarchy at all. On this forum alone, which at a rough guess might account for far less than 1% of all farang resident in Thailand, there are so many different categories that it's impossible to generalise, apart from the fact that most of us are over 50. By and large, you make your own little niche, and you either fit in as much as you can or you don't.

As far as respect for farang by local Thais is concerned, I'm amazed anyone has the gall to expect it. The vast majority of farang I've met in Thailand don't have my respect, why should they automatically get it from a Thai?
This is the way
User avatar
Big Boy
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 49120
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2005 7:36 pm
Location: Bon Kai

Post by Big Boy »

While we're on a positive run, I would like to say that any respect I have been shown was not bought.

I will not encourage laziness by giving free handouts.
Championship Plymouth Argyle 1 - 2 Leeds Utd :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED :cry: :cry:
User avatar
dtaai-maai
Hero
Hero
Posts: 14884
Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2007 10:00 pm
Location: UK, Robin Hood country

Post by dtaai-maai »

Big Boy wrote:While we're on a positive run, I would like to say that any respect I have been shown was not bought.

I will not encourage laziness by giving free handouts.
Well, we were on a positive run - but what was all that about? :?
This is the way
User avatar
Big Boy
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 49120
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2005 7:36 pm
Location: Bon Kai

Post by Big Boy »

Its about the fact that I will not try to buy anybody's respect. They respect me (or more likely my wife) for what I am, not what I spend on them. It was meant to re-enforce VS' statement
When we offer a small tip it has been refused
ie Thais don't only show respect in the hope of a big handout - it is quite often genuine.
Championship Plymouth Argyle 1 - 2 Leeds Utd :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED :cry: :cry:
User avatar
STEVE G
Hero
Hero
Posts: 13556
Joined: Mon Apr 03, 2006 3:50 am
Location: HUA HIN/EUROPE

Post by STEVE G »

If you want Thais to respect you, all you have to do is spend every last penny you've got on a set of shiny railings and a mercedes!
User avatar
Super Joe
Rock Star
Rock Star
Posts: 4929
Joined: Fri Sep 22, 2006 1:43 pm

Post by Super Joe »

ie Thais don't only show respect in the hope of a big handout
Sure, but they will suck up to us for small handouts too. Is there anyone on here who does not buy the in-laws some beers, the odd meal, trips to the beach etc ? Help with a business, hospital bill, motorbike repair ? We all do something, it may be small to us but not them.

We can't blame them, they're poor as hell, they see us spend a Thai week's wages on a meal or pair of jeans. Its natural they want a bit of help.

SJ
User avatar
Big Boy
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 49120
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2005 7:36 pm
Location: Bon Kai

Post by Big Boy »

OK, cards on the table.

When I'm in Thailand for one month every year, I try to not let my daughter, son-in-law or grand daughters pay for anything. My grand daughters are spoilt rotten. The rest of the year I pay for my grand daughter's education. That aside, apart from birthdays, I do not give anything to anybody.

I expect respect from my own family anyway - not up for discussion.

The Thais that I've been talking about on this thread do not get a single Baht out of me. I don't look for respect, but when it comes it is received graciously, and I like to think I reciprocate. At the end of the day, we're all trying to live together in the Global Village of Hua Hin.
Championship Plymouth Argyle 1 - 2 Leeds Utd :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED :cry: :cry:
lomuamart
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 9821
Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 12:25 pm
Location: hua hin

Post by lomuamart »

As I left my company after some years of "work" and went to my leaving do in a pub with people -
I smiled.
They couldn't believe that the boss seemed so happy at the time. They asked me what I was going to do?
Easy - go to Thailand.
Guess
Deceased
Deceased
Posts: 3470
Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2005 3:01 pm
Location: BangSaphan. Laurasia. Sub thumb

Post by Guess »

lomuamart wrote:As I left my company after some years of "work" and went to my leaving do in a pub with people -
I smiled.
They couldn't believe that the boss seemed so happy at the time. They asked me what I was going to do?
Easy - go to Thailand.
Well you got me truly stumped there Lomu.

Gi's a clue.
[color=blue][size=134]Care in the community success story.[/size][/color]
User avatar
buksida
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 24017
Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 12:25 pm
Location: south of sanity

Post by buksida »

The clue is 4.09am Mr Bond ...

Back to topic, I'd say that the majority Thais that are unconcerned with social strata and the like are the more genuine ones and will treat farangs as regular people without looking down on them. These people tend to be on the lower end of the financial ladder.

The socially aware and concerned about these things such as police, politicians, government workers, executives and wealthy hi-so types treat us like pond scum along with the rest of the poorer population. These people tend to be on the top of the financial ladder or aspiring to be.

So basically if you give a rats arse about societies hierarchical system and your place in it you will always find someone to look down upon. Just an observation.
Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? - Hunter S Thompson
User avatar
johnnyk
Legend
Legend
Posts: 2852
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 1:23 pm

Post by johnnyk »

The socially aware and concerned about these things such as police, politicians, government workers, executives and wealthy hi-so types treat us like pond scum along with the rest of the poorer population. These people tend to be on the top of the financial ladder or aspiring to be.

Reminds me of home!
The strivers and insecure, status-anxious types are always best avoided.
They may be important to themselves but not to me.
Guess
Deceased
Deceased
Posts: 3470
Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2005 3:01 pm
Location: BangSaphan. Laurasia. Sub thumb

Post by Guess »

buksida wrote:The clue is 4.09am Mr Bond ....
After the bout with JD's on screen weevils I expect. Not to mention the elephants.
johnnyk wrote: Reminds me of home!
Never a truer word spoken in jest JK. If it carries on in the same direction we will get to where Chicago was in the thirties.

Get a good Tommy Gun supplier and get a good line in chalk striped double breasted suits.
[color=blue][size=134]Care in the community success story.[/size][/color]
sargeant
Deceased
Deceased
Posts: 4055
Joined: Tue Sep 19, 2006 2:52 pm
Location: Pranburi CITY

Post by sargeant »

To me respect can only be earned and is not a given.
To people outside my own community and family I apply caution and tolerance UNTIL they earn my respect.
In a pm from a member of this forum to me during the thread TIN SHACKS ( which I suggest some people may find interesting to read ) I was appraised of what he called the Sahib, Memsahib mentality (the Raj is alive and kicking) so true, it was they that demanded respect without earning it purely because of their wealth and status.
I don’t GIVE respect until it is earned I don’t EXPECT respect UNTIL I have earned it. (And that does not mean I have a right to buy it either i dont believe so called purchased respect is worth a carrot anyway and soon turns to resentment)
I also don’t look up or down on anyone except criminals my father taught me always look a man straight in the eye on a level plain speak your mind tell the truth and shame the devil.
The constant criticizing of the Thai way of life its laws its culture and education certainly is probably a large part of why Farangs don’t enjoy the respect they seem to think is a god given right.
As Richard aptly applies it integrate earn the Thais respect .
A Greatfull Guest of Thailand
lomuamart
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 9821
Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 12:25 pm
Location: hua hin

Post by lomuamart »

Guess wrote:
lomuamart wrote:As I left my company after some years of "work" and went to my leaving do in a pub with people -
I smiled.
They couldn't believe that the boss seemed so happy at the time. They asked me what I was going to do?
Easy - go to Thailand.
Well you got me truly stumped there Lomu.

Gi's a clue.
True. Tom Tom Club.
User avatar
Big Boy
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 49120
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2005 7:36 pm
Location: Bon Kai

Post by Big Boy »

Guess wrote:
Well you got me truly stumped there Lomu.
I saw the original post that the 4:09am one replaced - something about toothless women and stealing food. That was just as baffling :?
Championship Plymouth Argyle 1 - 2 Leeds Utd :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED :cry: :cry:
Post Reply