I used to have the same sort of troubles up in Buriram when I used to go there with my ex. She was fine with money and so were most of her family - except one sister.
It was the villagers who got me. As soon as they saw we'd arrived, they'd be hanging around the ex's house all day and night, helping themselves to my beer and ciggies. At the start, I didn't mind too much. It wasn't a lot of money. But after a few years, it really got to me and one of the family used to tip me off to the worst two culprits if they were walking up the track from behind me. I simply put the beer and ciggies away. They'd sit down, gurgle at me for a while and then move on. Once I didn't get the ciggies into my pocket and they were just helping themselves to two each. I took them back and told them to go forth and multiply. As they did so, the family applauded me - "about time I did something about it".
The next day, the two of us were invited over to one of the men's house for lunch and BEERS and CIGARETTES!! All on him. I asked the ex to tell him thank you, but he still had a way to go before I'd regard his slate as clean. Don't know if that ever was translated and as I didn't go up there much afterwards, it didn't really matter.
Where do we fit in?
Tip: give all your money to your wife.
Note: Tip applies only when visiting her family up country.
She was in charge of the entire budget for the trip. (Made her feel good too of course). From the moment we arrived I made clear that for any financial request everybody was supposed to consult my girlfriend and not me.
She decided when it was time for whisky treats and when not.
She approved the purchase of new tires for her brother's (yes, it IS her brother) motorbike but turned down a request for an MP3-player by a son of her sister etc.
Worked out well and everybody had a good time. Necessary replacements and repairs have been made and several presents were handed out. Everything within reason thanks to the newly appointed Chief Accountant.
Note: Tip applies only when visiting her family up country.
She was in charge of the entire budget for the trip. (Made her feel good too of course). From the moment we arrived I made clear that for any financial request everybody was supposed to consult my girlfriend and not me.
She decided when it was time for whisky treats and when not.
She approved the purchase of new tires for her brother's (yes, it IS her brother) motorbike but turned down a request for an MP3-player by a son of her sister etc.
Worked out well and everybody had a good time. Necessary replacements and repairs have been made and several presents were handed out. Everything within reason thanks to the newly appointed Chief Accountant.
We are all living in 'the good old days' of the future.
Quote.
They don't have much regard for us IMO, it's all false and based on what they get now or hope to get in the future.
Super Joe this is why i don't really care if i fit in, for me being civil and friendly is fine at arms length, i dont really expect anymore than that.I have never really had a problem with the begging bowl being out the wife looks after her old mum and grand parents but that is down to her she gives them a small amount of money.When we are in the village we will have a few friends and family around for drinks and eats a few times, she allways makes a point that allthough we have built quite a big house we are not rich and traveling to Thailand 2-3 times a year is very expensive. One thing i dont really like is a lot of Thais want to know how much you earn, and how much you have, and the value of your house, and cars, i allways try and turn the conversation around to "you Isaan lads wot do you do for work when you have cut the rice is it a 8 month drinking and french boules competition" "i work very hard in the U.K 12 hour shift work and when it is busy i will work up to 100 a week, have you ever worked 12 night shift". The wife is really deffensive of us and won't let anyone take the p*ss that makes her very angry if someone trys to, her two cousins are both MIB and live on our soi, around songkran time there was two attempted break in's and she asked for some help, but they are not intrested in helping us unless there is something in it for them, the fact that they and half the local station pop around for a freebie, and the promise of looking out for our house has turned out to be false, the wife will give them a big ear full in August.IMO a lot of Thais can be false with there promises and do look at farangs as being rich and a possible sorce of gaining something material, many farangs get sucked into being used and don't apply the common sence they would back in there own country's, and on the other hand, if you have a massive age gap between you and a girl is it an arrangement or a relationship when it go's wrong the girl will allways get the blame, if you are poor and someone offers you a better life, or something material, you will take it even if you dont really care for that person.I have asked the wife do we really fit in with Thai's and the wife said "no not really we just put up with farangs they are very rude" she does have a point.
They don't have much regard for us IMO, it's all false and based on what they get now or hope to get in the future.
Super Joe this is why i don't really care if i fit in, for me being civil and friendly is fine at arms length, i dont really expect anymore than that.I have never really had a problem with the begging bowl being out the wife looks after her old mum and grand parents but that is down to her she gives them a small amount of money.When we are in the village we will have a few friends and family around for drinks and eats a few times, she allways makes a point that allthough we have built quite a big house we are not rich and traveling to Thailand 2-3 times a year is very expensive. One thing i dont really like is a lot of Thais want to know how much you earn, and how much you have, and the value of your house, and cars, i allways try and turn the conversation around to "you Isaan lads wot do you do for work when you have cut the rice is it a 8 month drinking and french boules competition" "i work very hard in the U.K 12 hour shift work and when it is busy i will work up to 100 a week, have you ever worked 12 night shift". The wife is really deffensive of us and won't let anyone take the p*ss that makes her very angry if someone trys to, her two cousins are both MIB and live on our soi, around songkran time there was two attempted break in's and she asked for some help, but they are not intrested in helping us unless there is something in it for them, the fact that they and half the local station pop around for a freebie, and the promise of looking out for our house has turned out to be false, the wife will give them a big ear full in August.IMO a lot of Thais can be false with there promises and do look at farangs as being rich and a possible sorce of gaining something material, many farangs get sucked into being used and don't apply the common sence they would back in there own country's, and on the other hand, if you have a massive age gap between you and a girl is it an arrangement or a relationship when it go's wrong the girl will allways get the blame, if you are poor and someone offers you a better life, or something material, you will take it even if you dont really care for that person.I have asked the wife do we really fit in with Thai's and the wife said "no not really we just put up with farangs they are very rude" she does have a point.
Last edited by kendo on Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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frankbangkok
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- Location: Khao Takiup
Third World Country?
Correct me if I am wrong, but what I seem to be hearing in this thread is that many Westerners resident here in Thailand consider Thailand to be a Third World country.
The term "First World" refers to so called developed, capitalist, industrial countries, roughly, a bloc of countries aligned with the United States after World War II, with more or less common political and economic interests: North America, Western Europe, Japan and Australia.
"Second World" refers to the former communist-socialist, industrial states, (formerly the Eastern bloc, the territory and sphere of influence of the Union of Soviet Socialists Republic) today: Russia, Eastern Europe (e.g., Poland) and some of the Turk States (e.g., Kazakhstan) as well as China.
"Third World" are all the other countries, today often used to roughly describe the developing countries of Africa, Asia and Latin America.
The term Third World includes as well capitalist and communist countries, some very rich and very poor countries.
The term "First World" refers to so called developed, capitalist, industrial countries, roughly, a bloc of countries aligned with the United States after World War II, with more or less common political and economic interests: North America, Western Europe, Japan and Australia.
"Second World" refers to the former communist-socialist, industrial states, (formerly the Eastern bloc, the territory and sphere of influence of the Union of Soviet Socialists Republic) today: Russia, Eastern Europe (e.g., Poland) and some of the Turk States (e.g., Kazakhstan) as well as China.
"Third World" are all the other countries, today often used to roughly describe the developing countries of Africa, Asia and Latin America.
The term Third World includes as well capitalist and communist countries, some very rich and very poor countries.
Look at the means which a man employs, consider his motives, observe his pleasures. A man simply cannot conceal himself!
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Wanderlust
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sandman67
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With the respect thing I dont really care that much to tell the truth.....Im just lucky in that very early on my mate Erik, who had been through it all already, recommended the book Kendo mentioned - "No Cure for a Thailand Fever" by Chris Pirazzi & Vitida Vasant (ISBN 1-887521-48-8 ). That helped me no end at getting my head around Thai culture in respect of friends and family.
I did manage to gain a lot of respect from Mrs S's family, extended family and villagers when I went there through some simple applications of what I learned from the book.
I went up to ask her mum (and dad and extended family elders) whether we could marry...that gained a lot of respect because that is the done thing here and the farang partners of a few other lasses in the village hadn't. Instant respect.
I made sure we paid visits to aunties and uncles and Mrs S's sole surviving grandparent to say hello and show respect. Respect came back.
Mrs S's family are, by village standards, pretty wealthy, and have their own water pump and well. The motor broke down while I was there. I paid for the parts and helped her dad fit them. While we were doing it a couple of other villagers said theirs were down too.....Mrs S sent a half bottle of whisky round to the parts shop (in the next village) and got the bits discounted and a lend of the shop tools. I helped the villagers fix their water pumps. They get water supplies, I get respect and a fun afternoon.
Couple of days later Im helping Mrs S's nephew fix his moped. Up come a few of his mates with similarly service needed bikes. So I spend an afternoon with them having a bike clinic. That evening their mums and dads come round bringing home cooked food and beers as a thankyou and we had an evening on the veranda......
As someone else said I made sure everyone knew it was Mrs S's hands on the purse strings not mine, so I didn't get hassled and Mrs S looked good. Her mum seemed well impressed at that too.
I showed an interest in their lives as farmers, how rice grows, irrigation etc....it is genuinely interesting and new to me as a northern european...I always wondered how it worked. Again they were impressed and somewhat amused at my sad attempts at rice planting.....Aunty said I was just too tall for the job.
The thing I bore in mind was that respect wasnt really for me but for Mrs S's family......thats why I wanted to be seen to be helpful but not an ATM. Their "status" or stock rises....Im happy, they are happy, Mrs S is happy. Win win. I dont care what Thais think of me personally....but I do know my actions affect Mrs S's family and her own status....so I make sure their stock rises. If that costs £20 then its money well spent.
As a reflection of that last time I was there Mrs S's mum, dad, her and i received an invite to the village headmans house for beer & dinner last time we went up....he'd been away when I was there and wanted to meet me. Seems he was pissed off he'd missed the farang being in the village and was curious who I was.....during dinner it came out that Id been nicknamed "khun tcherang(?)" ... Mr Mechanic.
Where do I fit in? Hopefully as a result of me being in her life Mrs S and her family have a better life.....thats my only concern.
I did manage to gain a lot of respect from Mrs S's family, extended family and villagers when I went there through some simple applications of what I learned from the book.
I went up to ask her mum (and dad and extended family elders) whether we could marry...that gained a lot of respect because that is the done thing here and the farang partners of a few other lasses in the village hadn't. Instant respect.
I made sure we paid visits to aunties and uncles and Mrs S's sole surviving grandparent to say hello and show respect. Respect came back.
Mrs S's family are, by village standards, pretty wealthy, and have their own water pump and well. The motor broke down while I was there. I paid for the parts and helped her dad fit them. While we were doing it a couple of other villagers said theirs were down too.....Mrs S sent a half bottle of whisky round to the parts shop (in the next village) and got the bits discounted and a lend of the shop tools. I helped the villagers fix their water pumps. They get water supplies, I get respect and a fun afternoon.
Couple of days later Im helping Mrs S's nephew fix his moped. Up come a few of his mates with similarly service needed bikes. So I spend an afternoon with them having a bike clinic. That evening their mums and dads come round bringing home cooked food and beers as a thankyou and we had an evening on the veranda......
As someone else said I made sure everyone knew it was Mrs S's hands on the purse strings not mine, so I didn't get hassled and Mrs S looked good. Her mum seemed well impressed at that too.
I showed an interest in their lives as farmers, how rice grows, irrigation etc....it is genuinely interesting and new to me as a northern european...I always wondered how it worked. Again they were impressed and somewhat amused at my sad attempts at rice planting.....Aunty said I was just too tall for the job.
The thing I bore in mind was that respect wasnt really for me but for Mrs S's family......thats why I wanted to be seen to be helpful but not an ATM. Their "status" or stock rises....Im happy, they are happy, Mrs S is happy. Win win. I dont care what Thais think of me personally....but I do know my actions affect Mrs S's family and her own status....so I make sure their stock rises. If that costs £20 then its money well spent.
As a reflection of that last time I was there Mrs S's mum, dad, her and i received an invite to the village headmans house for beer & dinner last time we went up....he'd been away when I was there and wanted to meet me. Seems he was pissed off he'd missed the farang being in the village and was curious who I was.....during dinner it came out that Id been nicknamed "khun tcherang(?)" ... Mr Mechanic.
Where do I fit in? Hopefully as a result of me being in her life Mrs S and her family have a better life.....thats my only concern.
"Science flew men to the moon. Religion flew men into buildings."
"To sin by silence makes cowards of men."
"To sin by silence makes cowards of men."
What i like to do for a very small amount of money is to take out all my familys old clothes, a ruck sack full everytime, also lots of packets of seeds, and lots of shampoo and cream sachet's that you get on those glossy magazines, and big bags of traffic light lolly's for the kids, to have farang clothes, flowers, vegetables, etc make them feel happy and i dont really spend more than £20 pounds it's well worth it just to see there smiling faces, i do think that we get a little bit of respect for this small gesture.
There is a small boy in our village that is 4 years old that has no mum or dad, he is supposed to live with his grandmum in the village but never go's home he allways follows my wife's brother around and the wife's brother kind of looks after him. When we arrive in the village i allways tell the wife to get the kid in the shower because he is allways very dirty and we take him to the Big C in Surin, to get some new clothes and sandles on him. I like to think that we are helping the little lad and that makes me feel like a good man inside, i dont really care if other people in the village get jealous or think it's not our business.
There is a small boy in our village that is 4 years old that has no mum or dad, he is supposed to live with his grandmum in the village but never go's home he allways follows my wife's brother around and the wife's brother kind of looks after him. When we arrive in the village i allways tell the wife to get the kid in the shower because he is allways very dirty and we take him to the Big C in Surin, to get some new clothes and sandles on him. I like to think that we are helping the little lad and that makes me feel like a good man inside, i dont really care if other people in the village get jealous or think it's not our business.
Bravo
Deservedly so.sargeant wrote: To our close friends in quiet conversation I have picked up some respect for sticking with it.
"Let no one who has the slightest desire to live in peace and quietness be tempted, under any circumstances, to enter upon the chivalrous task of trying to correct a popular error."---William Thoms
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frankbangkok
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Fitting In And Being Respected
It appears to me from reading the above four pages that there are basically two types of people contributing the most to this thread. The first type is made up of those who feel that they do not fit in and are not accepted or respected here in Thailand. The second type feels that they do fit in and are respected here.
May I suggest that we take both groups at their word and grant that they are each correct in their own individual case? Who would know better if he were accepted and respected than the subject himself?
May I suggest that we take both groups at their word and grant that they are each correct in their own individual case? Who would know better if he were accepted and respected than the subject himself?
Look at the means which a man employs, consider his motives, observe his pleasures. A man simply cannot conceal himself!
Good point and suggestion Frank.
I was going to say before that really none of us actually know if we are respected/regarded or not. It's only our impression.
You hear of husbands and wives cheating on their spouse for years without them detecting whats going on, what chance do we have during a long weekend in Bulilam
SJ
I was going to say before that really none of us actually know if we are respected/regarded or not. It's only our impression.
You hear of husbands and wives cheating on their spouse for years without them detecting whats going on, what chance do we have during a long weekend in Bulilam
SJ
Re: Fitting In And Being Respected
Very good point Frank, we don't do to much because i won't be seen as an ATM the wife sends a bit home but here in the U.K she is assistant manageress of a large food pub and earns here own money but she is very very carefull how she spends it, and is allways trying to tell me to be more responsible with my money a good thing ! she has worked in hotels for 10 years on and off and can speak 6 languages and read and write english, i learn a lot from her on the farang thai front, i feel lucky to be with a very clever Thai and for me it's a real possitive up in Isaan a lot of people around the villages respect my wife and wherever we go my wife makes friends i think if you are with a good thai you dont really have to worry about fitting in it just happens, i dont really care in thailand i let the wife deal with everything i just like to chill, enjoy the sun, and beer, and relax, we do both look at eachother sometimes, and look at other farang thai relationships intresting.frankbangkok wrote:It appears to me from reading the above four pages that there are basically two types of people contributing the most to this thread. The first type is made up of those who feel that they do not fit in and are not accepted or respected here in Thailand. The second type feels that they do fit in and are respected here.
May I suggest that we take both groups at their word and grant that they are each correct in their own individual case? Who would know better if he were accepted and respected than the subject himself?
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sandman67
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of all the evils in this shitball world I have ever come across
money really IS the root of ALL evil..... look how it tears us up......i dont care about money as ive been rich and poor in one lifetime.....lucky I think....
Im with SJ here guys
kendo
Id love to share a beer sometime you are here mate....a bit of fillosyfisin maybe.....even up in Issan.....the nearest big bit Mrs S is from in Roi Et....
money really IS the root of ALL evil..... look how it tears us up......i dont care about money as ive been rich and poor in one lifetime.....lucky I think....
Im with SJ here guys
kendo
Id love to share a beer sometime you are here mate....a bit of fillosyfisin maybe.....even up in Issan.....the nearest big bit Mrs S is from in Roi Et....
"Science flew men to the moon. Religion flew men into buildings."
"To sin by silence makes cowards of men."
"To sin by silence makes cowards of men."
