Fire engine
A fireman was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in middle.
The girl was wearing a fireman's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her
dog and her cat. The fireman walked over to take a closer look. That sure
is a nice fire truck,' he said with admiration. 'Thanks,' the girl
replied.. The fireman looked a little closer and noticed that the girl had
tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
'Little Partner,' the fireman said, 'I don't want to tell you how to
run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's
collar, I think you could go faster.
The girl replied thoughtfully,
You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.
Catholic Parrots
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
'Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots,
but they only know how to say one thing.'
What do they say?' the priest inquired.
They say, Hi, we're hookers!
Do you want to have some fun?'
That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,
then he thought for a moment.
You know,' he said,
I may have a solution to your problem.
I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house
and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,
and your parrots are sure to stop saying . . .
that phrase in no time.'
Thank you,' the woman responded,
this may very well be the solution.'
The next day she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in she saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes the female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we're hookers!
Do you want to have some fun?'
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot
and exclaimed Put the beads away, Frank.
Our prayers have been answered!'
Guts or balls
There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, and to alleviate further confusion, the following definitions are listed below:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.