Important Information - Please Forward to All Your Friends

[Jaime]

This is an outrage - please forward to all your friends:

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO THOSE YOU LOVE

In February next year Lisa Fingerwick of Trumpton, Berpshire started feeling unwell. Like many people enduring the chaos of modern life she felt tired, constantly run down and unable to concentrate. Disappointed by the advice given to her by so called conventional doctors, who told her she was simply lazy and not in any way special, Lisa descended into a spiral of self pity. However, all that changed one day after a chance meeting in her local Blockbuster Video store with the eminent professor Frank Crump, Harvard luminary and suspected wizard.

And this is the clever bit – the bit that will change your life forever.

Crump revealed to her that the cause of her malaise was in fact the effect of breathing in air. Most people believe that air is composed entirely of oxygen and gaseous sugar but this is in fact a LIE promoted by the CIA, MI5, MI6 and their Al Qaeda foot soldiers. In fact air is composed mainly of DEADLY POISONOUS substances, including nitrogen, carbon dioxide, argon and radioactive particles known as QUARK GAMMA RAY PHOTONS, which cause cancer and hair loss.

Even worse than breathing in air is exhaling, which releases even more carbon dioxide and those DEADLY QUARK GAMMA RAY PHOTONS into the air for others to breathe.

Professor Crump has lectured widely around the world on this subject and his best selling book, AIR IS DANGEROUS, reveals the DEADLY SECRETS of air, discovered by Crump during his time working on TOP SECRET air experiments at NASA. Crump says that NASA have known about the DANGER of air since samples of air were brought back from the first moon landing but that the whole thing has been covered up for some diabolical reason, which he will reveal in his next book; NASA, Aliens, Osama, Air and Me.

If we all just stopped breathing air, the world would be a much healthier, safer place – please pass this on to all your friends and help stop this CONSPIRACY and make the world a better place.

[JD]

Professor Crump has lectured widely around the world on this subject and his best selling book, AIR IS DANGEROUS, reveals the DEADLY SECRETS of air, discovered by Crump during his time working on TOP SECRET air experiments at NASA. Crump says that NASA have known about the DANGER of air since samples of air were brought back from the first moon landing but that the whole thing has been covered up for some diabolical reason, which he will reveal in his next book; NASA, Aliens, Osama, Air and Me.

If we all just stopped breathing air, the world would be a much healthier, safer place – please pass this on to all your friends and help stop this CONSPIRACY and make the world a better place.

Jaime, as a mod I can move this to Current Affairs. I really would like to do so as it constitutes just as much a conspiracy theory evidence as has been posted by some other members on this site.

Many, I think, will find it as believable as some of the more serious conspiracy comments mentioned before in Current Affairs.

[dtaai-maai]

I've no idea why you're laughing, JD. Frankly, as a mod you should know better.
Professor Crump has an extensive CV and doesn't come cheap.

Professor Crump Mix n Mingle
Eight feet tall clown.
The Professor has been getting up to comic nonsense for years.

Appearing at galas, theatres, corporate events, fun days and product launches throughout the UK and abroad.

He is regularly seen on telly, most recently "The Happy Monsters Show", "Brum", "The Fimbles" and (favourably) "Grumpy Old Ladies".

Last Christmas he co-produced and performed in the "Clown" finale in the "International Horse Show" at Olympia and this summer has a return visit to Buckingham Palace for the "Children's Party at the Palace".

He is well known for his comic banter, as well as his eccentric stilt bikes, unusual props, puppets and crazy gags.

£290

[JD]

So let's take it out of foo then

[MrPlum]

I've no idea why you're laughing, JD. Frankly, as a mod you should know better.
Professor Crump has an extensive CV and doesn't come cheap.

Agreed. Crump has a vast knowledge of air conspiracies most notably his treatise on bankers conjuring money out of thin air and the motor industries drastic removal of vital air and putting it into drivers air bags. Thankfully many have discovered that all they have to do to top up, is crash their cars at speed knowing they will, according to the manual, receive a gob full.

Another revelation by the professor is the sensational discovery that politicians, being constantly full of hot air, are hoarding vital air supplies. The gasping electorate are forced to seek out alternative suppliers, such as conspiracy theorists and attempt to burst their balloons.

Since there is a very real fear that the public might demand more air, they are being kept under tight surveillance by the Fascist Air Police (see pic) ... and the newly formed FEMA. The 'F**k Everyone, it's My Air' Dept.