Ponderisms

[Khundon1975]

PONDERISMS


1· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.


2· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.


3· Life is sexually transmitted.


4· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


5· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.


6· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.


7· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.


8· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

9· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


10· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?


11· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?


12· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?


13· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?


14· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

[hhfarang]

If you were traveling in an automobile at the speed of light and you turned your headlights on, would anything happen?

[Jimbob]

I still worry about is the fridge light still on, should I open to check?

Nice topic Don. I'm sure it will be built on.

[sandman67]

My Grandads old favorite:

Theres only one thing in life money cant buy, and thats poverty.

And one care of the Sandman Smokotron 2000

If a welder welds, and a plasterer plasters, what does a ninja do?

(answer: Ah, they...urk ack unhhhhh...)

[Khundon1975]

A Thermos can keep hot drinks hot and cold drinks cold.

How does it know what to do.????

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When we go on holiday, we always turn off and unplug all electrical appliances, in case of fire.

But we always trust the fridge/freezer and leave it on.

Why?

[PeteC]

If you were traveling in an automobile at the speed of light and you turned your headlights on, would anything happen?

Yes, they would be covered with bugs instantly. Pete

[Khundon1975]

When I go to the dentist, I sit in the chair and gently but firmly grab hold of his testicles, look him straight in the eyes and say "were not going to hurt each other are we?"

I wonder what I would do if the dentist was a female?

[Jimbob]

why oh why did God allow the UK to be the inventor of so many sports, but not provide the world champions as well?