Paying a bar for a girl to leave

[Lee1975]

Ok, the story goes like this which you've all probably heard before.

Met a girl who worked in a bar, fell for her in a big way, spent lots of time together and obviously i had to come home, we kept in contact and as usual she promised to stop working bar. I wasn't holding up too much hope for her to stop, but after 2 months she did and moved away from Hua Hin. I have sent her money each month (since she stopped bar) to help her out and she is happy working in a shop as she hated working bar.
I am going to Thailand on Thursday and straight down to Hua Hin as that is my preferred place to relax and I have friends there.
So I call her today and she is already in Hua Hin to see her friends which is fine. She say she see her friends in the bar where she used to work, then she came out with this
This bit I need advice about :

Her: "Darling, I need to ask you something"?
Me: "What?"
"my bar ask me,you can pay me out bar or not"?
"What? You not work bar no more"!!
"I not work but I see you in your place when you come Thursday, but when I was working when i see you, when i was with you, I leave bar because of you, so you pay bar for me to leave"

Now I know there is a tradition that you pay the bar because they lose money from her leaving etc etc. But she left 2 months after i came home, and she left without me pushing it too much because i wasn't holding out too much hope but one day she just upped and left. I don't want to sound like a Cheap Charlie, money is not a problem, its just the way she came out with this on the day she arrives back in HH after a couple of months and the bar want me to pay them??????

Advice please and Thanks in advance.

[GLCQuantum]

Because she'd already left the bar when you weren't even there it's a load of tripe in regards to the payment you are being asked for. Take things with a pinch of salt and enjoy yourself pal. She may be the one, she may not be but don't start paying silly money - and letting her (or her last bar) get away with it.

If she wants to see you she will come (without demands/payments), if not then... there's plenty more good girls about.

In a nutshell, the question you asked is a big fat.... NO! You do not need to pay anything given the scenario.

[Lung Per]

What is the amount in question?

[GLCQuantum]

^

Does it matter?

Surely it's the principle of the whole thing...

[Lee1975]

What is the amount in question?

Didn't get that far, told her I'd speak to her about it when I get there.

Thanks GLC, i hear what your saying.
Not sure if it's the bar trying to pull a fast one or I'm being played like a fool by her? It came to the point where money was never mentioned over the last few months she stopped working, and now she is Back in HH for the first time and I'm coming over, money suddenly crops up!!!

[GLCQuantum]

Whatever happens chap....





Edit: Apologies for the above... I'm a sucker for that song when I have problems, choices or situations to deal with.

[Arlo]

Be careful. If its real between you guys I would say she wouldn't be asking for this money. She should be happy enough to just walk out of the bar life and never look back. If she is worried about the bar, then just stay away from the place. I don't think she has a contract of any sort with the bar. If the girls want to leave on there own they can. Its a scam in my eyes if you are paying out a girl from a bar for good. Plus she left 2 months after you were gone. If she is true to you and wants to be with you then she would be trying to save your money and not spend it. I think you have some more digging around to do. Don't get fooled. Slow speed equals slow damage. Have her take you to her new place of work so you can thank her boss for giving her all that time off to holiday with you.

[SunandFun]

Sounds like she never left the bar. Just saying...if the same time you are coming back she "happens" to be in Hua Hin "visiting old friends." Sounds to me like she never left. Therefore still need the bar fine. Seems pretty straight forward to me. I would give her a miss and move on. She may not break your heart but she will empty your pockets.
Red Flags are seldom held up in the wind, when at war!

[Lee1975]

No she definitely is not living in Hua Hin, I have 2 friends where she lives now and they have already clarified where she works. I have done my homework on the whole "She has left the Bar" story.
I have just spoken with her again and she say that many men pay bar to take lady out for good and take care of them which I said I understand. But i could not get my point across that she didn't leave bar straight away and left 2 months later on her own accord. She then said out of the blue, that she would pay the money to her ex boss because where I stay is opposite the bar where she used to work and that she did not want any problems with this. And because she is staying with me at this place her ex boss would see her with me. It got a bit heated saying that I'm not a mug and I'm not gonna pay out money when I didn't directly take her out of the bar. It's difficult because of the Language barrier, but I said I will talk with her when I see her in 2 days. Oh Happy days

[SunandFun]

Let her pay the money. See what happens after that. Let her have something invested in the relationship. Like you said, you are not worried...but she is. So let her pay. You will not be seen as cheap unless she is taking you for a ride. You will quickly know. If money request of any kind start rolling in. Mother sick, sister need medicine, have to pay rent because I used my money to pay bar fine. You get the idea. good luck. let us know how it all works out.

[advocate]

It's a scam. She's a bar girl. She wants money. She will get a cut of the money from the bar.

This girl obviously does not have your best interests at heart if she wants you to spend your money like this. If you pay she will see you as an easy mark.

I hope you haven't been sending more than 10000-15000 Bt per month, or sending her anything while she was working bar. 10-15,000 Bt per month is the going rate for longtime. Anymore and you are a sucker.

The biggest mistake you can make here is trusting bar girls with money.

[BaaBaa.]

Are these YOUR mates Lee? Farang or Thai?

[GLCQuantum]

10-15,000 Bt per month is the going rate for longtime.

Wow! I certainly got off easy.I've never really thought of myself as a cheap Charlie but now...

Sound suggestions from SunandFun's post above.

[advocate]

10-15 k is generous. She better be a stunner for that.

If you are longterm and paying all the bills a small allowance is plenty.

[Lee1975]

Are these YOUR mates Lee? Farang or Thai?

Yes mate, Both farang. One owns a business out there who I am very good friends with, knew him for a few years in Northampton before he moved out 3 years ago, and the other one just bums around out there living off his parents money. They both went to the shop on separate occasions to see her working there over the last month or so and with photo evidence .
I send her enough money so she does not have to struggle, and she earns her own wage.
Look I am not wet behind the ears when it comes to Thai Bar girls, been back and forth for 12 years but this has just stumped me a little bit. Asking for the money months after she left????
Not sure if the pressure is being put on her by the ex boss because I am coming back in 2 days.
I said I would talk to him and see what the crack is, I have known him for a couple of years now, and he seems a nice enough bloke, but when it comes to money things can rapidly change in Thailand!!!

SunandFun, i may just go down that route to see what her reaction is, i wasn't expecting her to offer to pay it. If she thinks I'm a cheap Charlie then I will now soon enough if I'm back on the hunting trail!!