I have been in a relationship for 5 months with a Thai woman, live with her and trusted her. I play golf 3 times a week, she works in the evening at her own bar from 6-2am. (she is an owner not a bar girl by the way) I have gone to her bar every night for 5 months from 10-2am and we go home together.
Now here is the problem. She does not trust me and admits to being jealous! We have steadily gotten worse generally because of this issue and following a big fight and 2-3 days not speaking I said enough was enough. Well she pleaded with me to give it another go and against my better judgement said OK and 24 hours later after I stayed at home for the night she does not come home. I wake up at 4am and try her phone but no answer. When I wake up the following morning I phone her friend (who I trust) and she says they all locked up the bar together and she does not know where she is. Later in the day I call her phone again, she answers and I ask where she was. She says she took a long standing customer (drinking) home and was too drunk to then drive home and stayed at his house. (She did come forward with this)
My dilemma - I know this guy likes her, were going through a rough time and she supposedly does not trust me! Ha.
Girls your help on this one too please....
what would you do
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huahinsimon
- Professional
- Posts: 392
- Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2007 11:43 am
what to do
You play golf 3 times a week 
and you've gone to her bar everynight 
till two am. for 5 months. what ya drinking? 
It's either love or dementia.
She does not trust YOU? why? She think you shagging more than golf balls during the day? You dont give enough info. If her jealously is unfounded, be honest Now, really unfounded (You're not shagging anyone at night that's clear.) GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP ASAP. Jealousy is not rational, irrational people can do irrational things. I hear Thai ladies are prone to removing a certain piece of male anatomy when irritated.
Next get these two books. Thailand Fever, available in bookshop 3rd fl Market Village. Lots of eye openings stuff in there on Thai social mores if you don't consider yourself an expert after 5 months. I have a friend who would be a single millionaire today if he hadn't married a Thai lady 11 years ago and spent hundreds of thousands of $ "supporting" the lady's family and the lady, her children. Most Thai ladies are 'high maintenance" They just love clothes, shoes, jewelry, its got to be the latest fashion, they are slaves to brand names. and in Thai culture, if you don't buy, you dont love.
Read Private Dancer next. Its about English guys and bar girls but still has a lot of advice wolven into the story. Some poster will tell you its "bilge" hey thats his opinion. One piece of advice is hire a private detective to check her out, her past and present. Sure it will cost you some baht but nothing compared to what you can lose in a "relationship" gone bad.
Read the property and real estate forum of HHAD. Take all the advice of buyer beware, substitute private detective for lawyers and doing your homework on developers and apply to your situation.
You're lucky she has a business and can take care of herself when you split.
cheers mate
HHS
and you've gone to her bar everynight till two am. for 5 months. what ya drinking? It's either love or dementia. She does not trust YOU? why? She think you shagging more than golf balls during the day? You dont give enough info. If her jealously is unfounded, be honest Now, really unfounded (You're not shagging anyone at night that's clear.) GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP ASAP. Jealousy is not rational, irrational people can do irrational things. I hear Thai ladies are prone to removing a certain piece of male anatomy when irritated.
Next get these two books. Thailand Fever, available in bookshop 3rd fl Market Village. Lots of eye openings stuff in there on Thai social mores if you don't consider yourself an expert after 5 months. I have a friend who would be a single millionaire today if he hadn't married a Thai lady 11 years ago and spent hundreds of thousands of $ "supporting" the lady's family and the lady, her children. Most Thai ladies are 'high maintenance" They just love clothes, shoes, jewelry, its got to be the latest fashion, they are slaves to brand names. and in Thai culture, if you don't buy, you dont love.
Read Private Dancer next. Its about English guys and bar girls but still has a lot of advice wolven into the story. Some poster will tell you its "bilge" hey thats his opinion. One piece of advice is hire a private detective to check her out, her past and present. Sure it will cost you some baht but nothing compared to what you can lose in a "relationship" gone bad.
Read the property and real estate forum of HHAD. Take all the advice of buyer beware, substitute private detective for lawyers and doing your homework on developers and apply to your situation.
You're lucky she has a business and can take care of herself when you split.
cheers mate
HHS
The devil made me do it the first time.
The second time I did it on my own.
When I finally got to the land of milk and honey, the milkman shot me
Happy wife, Happy life!
The second time I did it on my own.
When I finally got to the land of milk and honey, the milkman shot me
Happy wife, Happy life!
Thanks Huahinsimon, I thought I was waffling on enough. Yes I love her and she says she loves me. I met her before I went back to UK for the weeks to do some work and we had not done anything before I got back. While in the UK we chatted on MSN every day and got to supposedly know eachother before I came back.
I can be honest and tell you that I have not had another girl of any sort and have not even had the infamous massage with benefits. This was a one on one relationship as far as I was concerned. I have a belief that says dont do to someone that you would hate done to you!
We have read together Thailand Fever and talked on the subjects as we went through so I have a clearer understanding of how things work.
I can be honest and tell you that I have not had another girl of any sort and have not even had the infamous massage with benefits. This was a one on one relationship as far as I was concerned. I have a belief that says dont do to someone that you would hate done to you!
We have read together Thailand Fever and talked on the subjects as we went through so I have a clearer understanding of how things work.
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DawnHRD
- Legend
- Posts: 2627
- Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 10:39 pm
- Location: Not always where I want to be
Ok, a girly point of view - well sort of...
My bf was a musician in a bar. In the beginning of the relationship I would be in there 2 or 3 nights a week (never every night). Towards the end of our relationship, I'd go in once every 3 or 4 weeks (not that I loved him any less, I was just looking after our son etc). I trusted him more than I have ever trusted any other guy. Girls (mainly farang) would throw themselves at the band, but he always came home to me.
Conversely, he was jealous of what I was doing. We once had a huge fight where I actually threw him out after he accused me of being up to something when I had sat in a cubicle in Bumrungrad Hospital all day while my mum received a blood transfusion & chemotherapy treatment!
Point no 1: Thais (men & women) can exhibit irrational jealousy. Your decision is whether you want to put up with it or not.
Point 2: Seems, whether your GF did anything or not, by not coming home & not contacting you, she was making a point. Esp by admitting she was with a guy you don't trust. Do you want her to keep making points in this way?
Point 3: As someone else said, you don't say you love her. Do you? If not, I'd advise you walk. This relationship sounds like it's too much trouble if love isn't involved. If it is love - well, then you have to weigh up the pros & cons & go with your best instincts. Good luck.
My bf was a musician in a bar. In the beginning of the relationship I would be in there 2 or 3 nights a week (never every night). Towards the end of our relationship, I'd go in once every 3 or 4 weeks (not that I loved him any less, I was just looking after our son etc). I trusted him more than I have ever trusted any other guy. Girls (mainly farang) would throw themselves at the band, but he always came home to me.
Conversely, he was jealous of what I was doing. We once had a huge fight where I actually threw him out after he accused me of being up to something when I had sat in a cubicle in Bumrungrad Hospital all day while my mum received a blood transfusion & chemotherapy treatment!
Point no 1: Thais (men & women) can exhibit irrational jealousy. Your decision is whether you want to put up with it or not.
Point 2: Seems, whether your GF did anything or not, by not coming home & not contacting you, she was making a point. Esp by admitting she was with a guy you don't trust. Do you want her to keep making points in this way?
Point 3: As someone else said, you don't say you love her. Do you? If not, I'd advise you walk. This relationship sounds like it's too much trouble if love isn't involved. If it is love - well, then you have to weigh up the pros & cons & go with your best instincts. Good luck.
"The question is not, can they reason? Nor, can they talk? But, can they suffer?" - Jeremy Bentham, philosopher, 1748-1832
Make a dog's life better, today!
Make a dog's life better, today!
OP
Kick her out
You are in disaster zone no matter how much you love her
Take the rose tinted off and wise up
Sorry my friend, been through it in the Uk and Africa
Think Iv'e learnt my lesson now
Kick her out
You are in disaster zone no matter how much you love her
Take the rose tinted off and wise up
Sorry my friend, been through it in the Uk and Africa
Think Iv'e learnt my lesson now
RICHARD OF LOXLEY
It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.
It’s none of my business what people say and think of me. I am what I am and do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. It makes life so much easier.
Re: what to do
That was me and I was referring to its merits as a novel (IMHO). If you want to treat it as a reality check as to what can happen to farang in LOS if they are not careful, then fair enough. There seem to be lots of stories.....huahinsimon wrote: Read Private Dancer next. Its about English guys and bar girls but still has a lot of advice wolven into the story. Some poster will tell you its "bilge" hey thats his opinion.
Its mainly about the dumbest guy on Gods earth called Pete and his love for a bar girl called Joy who lies and lies and lies and..........you get the gist? No matter what he discovers about her lies, and how much money it is costing him, he keeps going back for more
My wife loved it and from time to time teases me by reminding me of what happened to our hero(?) at the end!
Talk is cheap
Several points.
1. If she was the same nationality as you and it occurred in your homeland, what would you think then.
2. She was sober enough to drive to her male customers house but not sober enough to then drive home. How come?
3. Her workmate, whom you phoned, locked up with her and then didn't know what happened to her..... where was the drunk customer then?
4. She couldn't phone or text you that night or that morning, but you managed to get her later that day. Why didn't she contact you.
5. She jumped ship the first time you don't show at the bar. That tells you everything you need to know.
6. I'm not convinced that this isn't a wind up.
7. If it's not, you're a mug and you know you are.
8. You're in the proper place now for advice. Marital/Domestic relationships can always be resolved by posting entries on web sites.
9. Jealousy can be subdued by large bank accounts.
10. Small bank accounts rarely subdue jealousy.
11. Make sure you don't sell your clubs before she dumps you. You'll regret it.
Hope this helps.
1. If she was the same nationality as you and it occurred in your homeland, what would you think then.
2. She was sober enough to drive to her male customers house but not sober enough to then drive home. How come?
3. Her workmate, whom you phoned, locked up with her and then didn't know what happened to her..... where was the drunk customer then?
4. She couldn't phone or text you that night or that morning, but you managed to get her later that day. Why didn't she contact you.
5. She jumped ship the first time you don't show at the bar. That tells you everything you need to know.
6. I'm not convinced that this isn't a wind up.
7. If it's not, you're a mug and you know you are.
8. You're in the proper place now for advice. Marital/Domestic relationships can always be resolved by posting entries on web sites.
9. Jealousy can be subdued by large bank accounts.
10. Small bank accounts rarely subdue jealousy.
11. Make sure you don't sell your clubs before she dumps you. You'll regret it.
Hope this helps.
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DawnHRD
- Legend
- Posts: 2627
- Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 10:39 pm
- Location: Not always where I want to be
I agree with quite a few of your points, 2dandan. However, IMO, to both you & Buksi, I don't think it makes much difference if this is a wind-up or not. We all know that many guys (& girls!) do have this sort of dilemna in Thailand, so whether this is a true or fictional experience of single's, it could be helping another member or guest out.2dandan wrote: 6. I'm not convinced that this isn't a wind up.
.
I'll also agree that internet forums may not be the best place to get advice. But they do have the advantage of anonymity & you tend to get answers from all over the spectrum of opinion. Sure, you then have to weed out the dross, but there might be a nugget of gold or two in there.
"The question is not, can they reason? Nor, can they talk? But, can they suffer?" - Jeremy Bentham, philosopher, 1748-1832
Make a dog's life better, today!
Make a dog's life better, today!
she has had that bar brought for here or taken it away from an ex or existing boyfriend.
she was or is a bar girl.
any normal thai girl would not be involved in a bar.
unless they were directly involved in the business
sorry to dissapoint you.
this will only end in tears and poverty.
leave now
leave now
leave now
you have been warned
of course you know best, so stay with her because she is different from all the rest,
spend the next 6 months giving here your money, always worrying if she will be coming home tonight.(bet you wont leave the bar again will ya).
HHAD will come to the airport to wave you off.
she was or is a bar girl.
any normal thai girl would not be involved in a bar.
unless they were directly involved in the business
sorry to dissapoint you.
this will only end in tears and poverty.
leave now
leave now
leave now
you have been warned
of course you know best, so stay with her because she is different from all the rest,
spend the next 6 months giving here your money, always worrying if she will be coming home tonight.(bet you wont leave the bar again will ya).
HHAD will come to the airport to wave you off.
"All the otters don't understand me"
"We might make you bother"
"We might make you bother"