questions one should ask oneself

[sargeant]

This is a small test paper containing questions and answers people living here in the LOS or considering coming here should pass

Scenario 1.
You see a motorcike traveling at 60 km per hour there are 3 adult women the 2 passengers have a baby in each arm between the rider and the handlebars is a 4/5 year old and in the basket are a poodle and a shitsu.
Do you 1. get upset at the danger to the children
2. get upset at the danger to the dogs.
3. are infuriated and look for a policeman
4. are incenced and raise a petition and a march to change the law
5. be thankful the driver is not on her mobile to her mate
The correct answer is 5 the first 2 are a complete waste of time and will only give you a coronary and 3 and 4 wont change jack crap and bring the coronary on quicker

Scenario 2.
Same as scenario 1. but this time the rider is on the phone to her mate and driving one handed
Do you 1. get upset at the danger to the children
2 get upset at the danger to the dogs.
3. are infuriated and look for a policeman
4. are incenced and raise a petition and a march to change the law
5. be thankful the driver is not text messaging
The correct answer is 5 the first 2 are a complete waste of time and will only give you a coronary and 3 and 4 wont change jack crap and bring the coronary on quicker

Question 3.
What are wing mirrors on a motorcike for
1. observing traffic coming from behind
2. to stop the MIB fining you for not having them
3. hanging your shopping off
4. fixing makeup or hair
The correct answer is 2,3 and 4 for obvious reasons if you have ticked one wake up and pay attention

Question 4.
If you are of the opinion that all thais are uneducated buffoons and you are an intellectually educated person
Have you asked yourself the following questions
1. why would someone as educated as yourself deliberately choose to live amongst idiots
2. Why is it that these uneducated buffoons are able to constantly and incessantly rip you off
3. Why have you NOT considered that street smarts beats YOUR education into a three corned hat.
The answer is 3 so why keep going on about thai education and get street smart yourself

Question 5.
What do you call a man or woman with a gun pointed at your head
1. You thieving lying bastard
2. You son of a bitch you are going to regret doing that to me
3. Yes immigration officer which specific finger do you wish me to shove up my bum
The answer is 3 it’s the dickheads that answer 1 & 2 that make it more difficult for all of us

If you have failed this small test one should consider relocation or staying right where you are

[DawnHRD]

I've been here too long. I got them all correct. Not sure if that makes me feel proud or monumentally depressed.

[VincentD]

Hee, hee. I feel for you, Dawn. I've definitely been here much too long too. Not that I'm considering leaving, though.

Sarge, to put it in perspective, I had one such loaded motorsai slam into my front bonnet when I was stopped at a blind corner of a T-junction. Thankfully, nothing major.

I hate it when they do blind corners on the wrong side of the road. Seems to be an ingrained habit.

[sargeant]

Vincent me old china you are not thinking correctly
quote your goodself on the wrong side of the road.
obviously you have not considered that to them you are on the wrong side of their road
subtle difference i know but hey integration integration
Dawn I got 2 wrong and i made them up dont worry more to come as i think em up

[VincentD]

Um... Maybe you're right. Next time I'll take up the whole road..

Thing is, in Sillypore, we do drive on the purportedly *same* side of the road as they do in GB and Thailand as well.

Doesn't matter if you got any wrong, Sarge, please do keep making them up. It keeps a smile on my face.

Perhaps next time I'm up there'll be time for a beer or three. Unfortunately since I see the jazz festival is no longer for free, I'll see you guys on some other quiet weekend. What they're proposing is ridiculous; my plans have changed for that weekend.

[johnnyk]

Thanks sarge, required reading maybe it should be pinned.

[Super Joe]

Question 1.
You see a motorcike traveling at 60 km per hour there are 3 adult women the 2 passengers have a baby in each arm between the rider and the handlebars is a 4/5 year old and in the basket are a poodle and a shitsu.

Question 2.
Same as question 1. but this time the rider is on the phone to her mate and driving one handed

Question 3.
What are wing mirrors on a motorcike for

Question 4.
If you are of the opinion that all thais are uneducated buffoons and you are an intellectually educated person Have you asked yourself the following questions

Question 5.
What do you call a man or woman with a gun pointed at your head

good test sarge, let me try ...

Q1.
You see a motorbike traveling at 60 km per hour, there are 3 adult women 2 passengers have a baby in each arm between the rider and on the handlebars is a 4/5 year old with his pants down, and in the basket is a steaming great big shitsu
A. Was it the 45 year old man who poo'dled in the basket ?

Q2.
Same as scenario 1. but this time she is properly riding her phone and one hand is obscured from view:
A. Is it coz she az it on maximum vibrate ? aaaaaaayyyyye

Q3.
What are ming mirrors on a motorbike for ?
A. So you don't miss the frumps in the road ?

Q4.
Because all thais are uneducated balloons and we are intellectually inflated, have you asked yourself the following question ...
A. Seeing as were so full of hot air, why can't we ever stay high ?

Q5.
What do you call a man or woman or a gun with a pointed hat ?
A. Witch is it ?


what did i score ?
.

[margaretcarnes]

Vincent - Sarge isn't making them up!

[Jockey]

Nice thread! Keep them comin' Sarge!

Tip to save you time in Thailand. When you get here copy out 60.6 million copies of your passport and sign them all. Send them to every person in the country, otherwise they will make you do this anyway the slow way.

[sargeant]

This is a small test paper containing questions and answers people living here in the LOS or considering coming here should pass

Question 6.
What is the difference between Ranong and Singkhon
1. Ranong is a good day out on the plonk and you can stock up on Viagra
2. Singkhon is nearer and you can stop of at Tescos on the way home.
3. They are both the same a pain in the arse and they both need a BOAT in the rainy season.

Question 7.
It is pissing with rain and you have an important meeting down town with a Thai friend in 15 minutes do you
1. Grab an umbrella and hurry
2. Get an umbrella and a poncho and rush
3. Wait for the rain to stop
The correct answer is 3 Thais are never on time even when the sun shines

Question 8.
If you are Considering coming to live here after your extended 10 day package holiday and purchase a property you should consider the following
1. Why leave a perfectly comfortable padded cell
2. Ask your attendant to tighten the straps on your straight jacket
3. read question 9.

Question 9.
If you are asking to be put in contact with an honest property developer/estate agent ask yourself the following
1. does such a mythical beast exist
2. Are you relying on the hieroglyphs found in the cliff dwellings found in the middle of the Kalahari desert which say there was one 350 years BC
3. Are you a British Standards inspector sniffing out people on commission

STOP PRESS
Cancel answer 2 a perfectly mummified body has been found in the 350BC cliff dwellings in central Africa. He was found with a stone tablet in the middle of his chest a flint axe buried in the back of his skull and a stone badge pinned to his goatskin jacket.
When the hieroglyphs were translated the badge said “ Dutch Mountain Swiss air Sea View Sunshine villa” the large tablet read Section 4 land act 360BC foreigners cannot own land .
Forensics have pinpointed the flint from the handaxe as coming from an area near the gorbals in glasgow

[DawnHRD]

Sarge, sorry to say you neglected the following:

In question 6, option B should read: viagra, crappy cigarettes and even crappier whiskey/rum/gin (delete as appropriate)


In question 7, you clearly forgot to add the 'drive your motorbike one handed, whilst the other hand tries to support an umbrella above your head, but find it keeps getting blown inside out' option.


Other than that, very good quiz.

[Jockey]

Question (perhaps you can answer Sarge) ... Why do I shit more than I eat and why does my girlfriend eat more than she shits?

[richard]

Jockey

Guess one of the wiser medical guys will give you real answer

Gut feeling is diet

Farang food tends to produce more fat than Thai food. I think it is harder to digest and piles up as bile

Thais food tends to get processed quicker, nutrients exstracted and then little in terms of crap!! Eat often shit often. Notice how soon after food they hit the pan?

Probably all bullshit so lets wait for the wise ones to come back to your posting

[lindosfan1]

Jockey sorry cannot resist this.
Perhaps your full of s***te

[sargeant]

Jockey i have given this some thought and have come up with this
Question
.if you are asking Why do I shit more than I eat and why does my girlfriend eat more than she shits?
you should consider
1. is this by weight or length or occurance
2. Whatever made you start measuring in the first place
3. Do you get pleasure from this smelly pastime
4. Are you and girlfriend having a competition
5. do you feel emasculated cos shes winning
6. who gives a shit ( oh that was the question)
7. do you have anything better to do get a life