Bowel Movements - Firm, soft, sloppy or liquid?

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Jockey
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Post by Jockey »

Jaime wrote:Fascinating stuff from Jockey - compulsive reading! How does the system work as far as gas is concerned?
Good question Jamie. The average person expels gas 14 times every day. The amount of actual gas released ranges from as little as one cup to as much as one half gallon per day. Gas is made primarily of odorless vapors such as carbon dioxide, oxygen, nitrogen, hydrogen, and sometimes methane. The unpleasant odor of flatulence comes from bacteria in the large intestine that release small amounts of gases that contain hydrogen sulfide.(sulfur smell) Contrary to popular belief, women have just as many passages as men, and older people, have no more gas than younger individuals.

Flatulence occurs when a food does not break down completely in the stomach and small intestine. As a result, the food makes it into the large intestine in an undigested state. Most lower intestinal gas is produced when bacteria in your colon ferment carbohydrates that aren't digested in your small intestine. The body does not digest and absorb some carbohydrates (the sugar, starches, and fiber found in many foods) in the small intestine because of a shortage or absence of certain enzymes.

This undigested food then passes from the small intestine into the large intestine, where normal, harmless bacteria break down the food, producing gases such as hydrogen, carbon dioxide, and, in about one-third of all people, methane. As much as 80 to 90 percent of rectal gas (flatulence) is formed by bacteria. Eventually these gases exit through the rectum. Certain foods produce more flatulence than others because they contain more indigestible carbohydrates than others. Beans are well known gas producers. The beans pass through the small intestine and arrive in the large intestine without being digested, which causes flatulence to occur.

Unfortunately, healthy foods such as fruits, vegetables, beans and peas are often the worst offenders. That's because these foods are high in soluble fiber. Soluble fiber dissolves in water forming a gelatinous substance in the bowel. Fiber has many health benefits, including keeping your digestive tract in good working order, regulating blood sugar and cholesterol levels, and helping prevent heart attacks and other heart problems. But it can also lead to the formation of gas. In the colon the bacteria thrive on the undigestible fiber. These bacteria are harmless but for those who have an intestinal gas or flatus problem it is probably best to avoid or carefully test soluble fibers to see if they are contributing to intestinal gas.

On the other hand, insoluble fiber as found in wheat, rye, bran, and other grains does not dissolve in water. It is not used by intestinal colon bacteria as a food source, so these bacteria generally do not produce intestinal gas. Both soluble and insoluble fiber should be eaten on a daily basis.

By contrast, fats and proteins cause little gas. They are absorbed in the digestive tract before they get to the colon.

Sugars are known to create gas. Fructose is naturally present in onions, artichokes, pears, and wheat. It is also used as a sweetener in some soft drinks and fruit drinks. Sorbitol is a sugar found naturally in fruits, including apples, pears, peaches, and prunes. It is also used as an artificial sweetener in many dietetic foods and sugarfree candies and gums.

Foods that may cause gas include: Most beans, especially dried beans and peas, baked beans, soy beans, lima beans, vegetables, such as Cabbage; radishes; onions; broccoli; Brussels sprouts; cauliflower; cucumbers; sauerkraut; asparagus, potatoes Fruits such as Prunes; apricots; apples; raisins; bananas. Carbonated beverages- Soft drinks, fruit drinks, milk and milk products, such as cheese and ice cream. Packaged foods prepared with lactose, such as bread, cereal, and salad dressing. Foods containing sorbitol, such as dietetic foods and sugarfree candies and gums.

You could always be mischievious and arrange a dinner party, only to include most of the above ingredients. The pudding - 'an orchestra of farting delight'. Think of all the amuzing after dinner games. :wink:
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Post by Guess »

I have had a couple of thoughts on the scientific explanations whic firstly require a couple of answeres.

1. How long after consumption of the gas produce should I expect before being able to release the gases.

2. Is there any way that these gases can be captured and stored for later use to assist with the global energy crisis. Can we see a future with a human exhaust powered Honda Wave. I have already come up the the model It would have to be a Honda F.

33. If women produce as much gas from their anal orrifices as men then why do they noy let rip audibly like men. Do they suffer pain whilst with withholding the gas and why the hell do they do it.

This of course does not apply to all women. I once had the displeasure of being in the company of six women in a remote supurb of Udon Thani while I was waiting for my truck to be fixed by the local odd job man. During the wait I was forking out 100 baht every ten minutes for one of the girls to buy large bottles of beer Chang. During that time to relieve the boredom they started an inpromptu farting contest. Later after the Chang dispelled my embarassment I joined in. However my efforts were pathetic compared to these seasoned vetertions of the anal expolosion. They even managed to change key mid fart after about the third Chang.

The breeze seemed to talk away the gases quite quickly but all the dogs in the area disapeared for the duration.

3. What should one consume to produce the best ordours?
Last edited by Guess on Tue May 16, 2006 2:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Kraka's Dad »

Well now we all know what causes it. :oops:

:cheers:
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Post by Big Boy »

Jockey wrote:
The average person expels gas 14 times every day. The amount of actual gas released ranges from as little as one cup to as much as one half gallon per day. Gas is made primarily of odorless vapors
If that is the average, then I must be super-human - if it weren't for the danger of follow-through, I'd probably start wearing my underpants on the outside. I guess I could regularly manage that in an hour. If primary gasses are odorless, I can't imagine the volume I can release in a day ie I can normally produce a reasonable odor - favourite place is next to the cheese counter in my local Tesco. I have perfected the art of SBD (Silent But Deadly). :oops: I have even been known to stop a bus travelling on the M4 in the UK after letting rip in the back seat. :mrgreen:

In my defence, I am on medication that significantly assists my levels of flatulance. :wink:
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Post by Guess »

I can not compete with that by I did clear an elevator. I was going out for a late lunch from my 32nd floor offfice in Kuala Lumpur. When I got in the elevator I was alone and expected to make the journry unbroken to the grounf floor.

So immediatey the doors shut I let rip. My daily diet of Roti Chanai for breakfast had taken its told and in such a confined space the stench was horrific. To my surprise the lift suddenly slowed down as if in protest and stopped on the 28th floor.

The real reason for the stoppage was that about ten or eleven Bummi Putras (earth people, ladies wearing all the Islamic garb), had decided to leave the building at the same time as me. They all got in and the doors shut and the elevator continued on its downwardly vertical journey.

In the space of just a few seconds the lady next to the lift buttons frantically pressed all the buttons from twenty upwards in a desperate attempt to allow them all to make a swift exit from the gas chamber.

I guess that they then waited a while and either took the stairs or got one of the other elevators.

Anybody else out there got any evacuation stories?
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Post by Jockey »

Guess wrote: 3. What should one consume to produce the best ordours?
The odor of farts comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and skatole in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. The more sulfur-rich your diet, the more sulfides and skatole will be produced by the bacteria in your guts, and the more your farts will stink. Foods such as cauliflower, eggs and meat are notorious for producing smelly farts, whereas beans produce large amounts of not particularly stinky farts. From personal experience, there is nothing to beat liquirice for producing filthy smelly farts, but unfortunately is hard to come by in these here parts.
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Post by Jockey »

Guess wrote: 2. Is there any way that these gases can be captured and stored for later use to assist with the global energy crisis. Can we see a future with a human exhaust powered Honda Wave. I have already come up the the model It would have to be a Honda F.
It should be theoretically possible to do this, but there would be lots of logistical problems. I would suggest using a plastic bag instead of farting into a jar. You might try the following as a science fair experiment:

Fart into several plastic bags and seal them carefully. Then fill several other plastic bags with ordinary air. Wait 24 hours. Then get volunteers to smell the contents of the bags to see if they can correctly identify which ones contain the farts. This should tell you if it is possible to store a fart in any useful way.

Saatchi and Saatchi have come up with a way to capture a fart in a jar. They say to do it in the bathtub while bathing. Fill the jar with bath water and then hold it with the open end downward. Lean back in the bathtub so that your fart bubbles will emerge in front of you rather than behind you where you can't see them. Catch the bubbles in the jar, and put the lid on the jar while it's still underwater. This way, you capture a fairly pure fart uncontaminated by atmospheric air. To enjoy your captured fart to the fullest extent, make sure that your jar does not already smell like whatever was it it before, like pickles or peanut butter.

On another note pertaining to why we never hear ladies fart, there used to be a widespread belief that a person could be poisoned or catch a disease by retaining farts in your body. There is no particular harm in holding in farts. Farts will not poison you; they are a natural component of your intestinal contents. The worst thing that can happen is that you may get a stomach ache from the gas pressure, however, pathological distention of the bowel could result if a person holds in farts too much. As I understand it, a captive fart can escape as soon as the person relaxes. This means that a lot of people who assiduously refrain from farting during the day do so at great length as soon as they fall asleep. Having been on a great many long bus / train trips, and long haul flights, I can personally vouch for the fact that lots of people do fart voluminously as they doze off, although I can not say this of the girls I have slept with!
One strange facet of holding in farts - how often have you held in a fart, intending to release it at the first appropriate opportunity, only to find that the fart has disappeared when you are ready for it? Does it leak out slowly without the person knowing it? Is it absorbed into the bloodstream? What happens to it? Well I believe the fart is neither released nor absorbed. It simply migrates back upward into the intestine and comes out later. It is reassuring to know that such farts aren't really lost, just delayed.

I have never understood why it is impossible to smell a fart in an airoplane. Can anyone help me with this please?
Last edited by Jockey on Tue May 16, 2006 8:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Post by Jaime »

Jockey wrote:I have never understood why it is impossible to smell a fart in an airoplane. Can anyone help me with this please?
It is because you were asleep - trust me it is possible to smell them!
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Post by blue nose »

Having joined this site to find out about Hua hin I find this topic rather juvenile and if i'm honest , rather low class.

If you are trying to promote this site as an eye to Hua Hin then topics as this have no place here. Yes you can say i'm a prude, no sense of humour, but I, like all males like fart jokes but it debases the site, it takes away the good advice given here .

We all need a sense of humour but surely this particular topic has run its course.
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Post by Big Boy »

blue nose wrote:
you can say i'm a prude, no sense of humour
I don't have to, you've already done it :guns:

There's plenty to be read about Hua Hin - most of it is very useful. If you don't like the lighthearted bits, simply move on to the next thread.
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Post by Jaime »

blue nose wrote:We all need a sense of humour but surely this particular topic has run its course.
This is the 'foo' section, luv - irreverence is the whole point. :roll:
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Post by Guess »

blue nose wrote:Having joined this site to find out about Hua hin I find this topic rather juvenile and if i'm honest , rather low class.

If you are trying to promote this site as an eye to Hua Hin then topics as this have no place here. Yes you can say i'm a prude, no sense of humour, but I, like all males like fart jokes but it debases the site, it takes away the good advice given here .

We all need a sense of humour but surely this particular topic has run its course.
This site which attracts many people from all walks of life in Hua Hin and people with connections with Hua Hin. We also get posters who have discovered it and find it interesting.

As you will notice if you explore the site that is it composed of many diferent entities. One of which is this the forum section. One of many is called Foo.

My analogy is that if you went into a bookshop to purchase a classic novel and came across (no pun intended) the smutty girlie mags section would uou then read it and complain to the authors that their literature was not up to the standard that you had expected.

PS why have you named yourself after a racing schooner?

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Post by Guess »

Jockey wrote: On another note pertaining to why we never hear ladies fart, there used to be a widespread belief that a person could be poisoned or catch a disease by retaining farts in your body. There is no particular harm in holding in farts. Farts will not poison you; they are a natural component of your intestinal contents. The worst thing that can happen is that you may get a stomach ache from the gas pressure, however, pathological distention of the bowel could result if a person holds in farts too much.
So are you saying that the Chinese method of torture used on unfaithful wives by the anal insertion of an ostrich egg followed by a forced fed diet of baked beans, eggs and caulilower until the offending lady exploded in a ball of flames is actually just a myth.

As for aeroplanes I was held up in Dublin for three hours one night waiting for a flight to Amsterdam. As the delay was not my fault the airline gave me a ten pound voucher every hour to spent waitin for my connecting flight. I spent it all on Guiness and oysters. After eventually boarding and taking off the lady sitting next to me asked to be moved after I had let one slip.
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Post by HansMartin »

Blue Nose has missed the point. We have all received an excellent scientific education regarding farts and "shoite" (that word alone is worth the price of admission).

We have also learned many of the tricks of the trade relataive to maintaining Western bowel movemnets.

However, we have not adequately discussed the dangers of Chang/Tiger/Leo relative to shoite and farts. It took me about 3 trips to Thailand to figure that out and adjust my beer drinking habits accordingly.


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Post by Jockey »

blue nose wrote:Having joined this site to find out about Hua hin I find this topic rather juvenile and if i'm honest , rather low class.
We all need a sense of humour but surely this particular topic has run its course.
Bluenose - you may have a point. I feel quite strongly the next post on this thread to be particularly juvenile and offensive. :cuss:
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