Glasgow humour
Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's
forthcoming wedding.
"Och, it's all going magic," says Jock. "I've got everything organised
already, the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the
minister, even ma stag night."
Archie nods approvingly.
"Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in," continues Jock.
"A kilt?" asks Archie. "That's braw, you'll look pure smart in that.
What's the tartan?"
"Och," says Jock, "I'd imagine she'll just be in white."
forthcoming wedding.
"Och, it's all going magic," says Jock. "I've got everything organised
already, the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the
minister, even ma stag night."
Archie nods approvingly.
"Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in," continues Jock.
"A kilt?" asks Archie. "That's braw, you'll look pure smart in that.
What's the tartan?"
"Och," says Jock, "I'd imagine she'll just be in white."
A bit late, but I've just received a few relevant one liners:
Macdonalds, have announced the introduction of their new Flaming Macmuslim Burger, but regret it’s only currently available at the Glasgow Drive thru…………
The B------, who was driving the jeep at the Airport, is in Hospital reciting poems and getting Haggis and Shortbread for dinner, Apparently, he’s in the Burns unit……
The police have just released the name of the man on fire and arrested at Glasgow Airport, Singe Maheed…………
Baggage Handlers at Glasgow Airport, were said to be furious, when the Indian they ordered turned up burnt…………….
For sale, Jeep Cherokee, slight overheating problem. Contact, Bashyer Doorin…………….
Police update ,Glasgow Police, believe, The muslim who drove the Vehicle into the retaining wall of Glasgow Airport, may be the start of the religious holiday…..Ramavan………
Macdonalds, have announced the introduction of their new Flaming Macmuslim Burger, but regret it’s only currently available at the Glasgow Drive thru…………
The B------, who was driving the jeep at the Airport, is in Hospital reciting poems and getting Haggis and Shortbread for dinner, Apparently, he’s in the Burns unit……
The police have just released the name of the man on fire and arrested at Glasgow Airport, Singe Maheed…………
Baggage Handlers at Glasgow Airport, were said to be furious, when the Indian they ordered turned up burnt…………….
For sale, Jeep Cherokee, slight overheating problem. Contact, Bashyer Doorin…………….
Police update ,Glasgow Police, believe, The muslim who drove the Vehicle into the retaining wall of Glasgow Airport, may be the start of the religious holiday…..Ramavan………
Championship Plymouth Argyle 1 - 2 Leeds Utd 
Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED
Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED
And how many have recently been convicted in England over the last few weeks - also caught alive? Proud to be English as well.gunner46 wrote:Proud to be Scottish....
...the only country in the world where we can catch not one but two LIVE suicide bombers !
Just think how many Great Britain have caught alive
Championship Plymouth Argyle 1 - 2 Leeds Utd
Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED
Points 46; Position 23 RELEGATED
The immortal Billy Connelly has spoken:
'Good old Glasgow. If I had to pick a city in the world where I could depend on one of the locals to kick a man who was on fire, it would always be Glasgow. That really had to hurt - 90% burns and sore bollocks...
I think we should get a photo of that guy KICKING A FLAMING MAN, blow it up and make it the welcome sign at Glasgow Airport. Underneath we should have the words 'Glasgow Welcomes Careful Drivers'...
I love the naivety of al-Qaeda. For trying to bring a religious war to
Glasgow. You're 400 years too late guys!! You've not even got a Football
Team for Christ's sake... I think that we should give Partick Thistle to
al-Qaeda. If only for the joy of hearing them read out their team sheet on
Saturday...
The Sun last week urged us all to respond to the attack by flying the Union
Jack. Really, in Glasgow that's never been a great way of Getting your
insurance premiums down...
If we play this whole terrorism thing right, we could get al-Qaeda to blow
up some of Scotland's eyesores. I think we should definitely Start putting
signs up round Shettleston's high flats that say 'Financial Quarter'...
People say it was lucky they didn't crash into a fuel container. I say it's
lucky they didn't hit the queue coming out of Duty Free - the whole place
would have gone up like Hiroshima...
The best bit is being told that hundreds of people were saved from being
hideously burnt...these were Scottish people flying to Spain! Who'll come
back looking like they've been bungee jumping off the lip of a volcano
anyway!'
'Good old Glasgow. If I had to pick a city in the world where I could depend on one of the locals to kick a man who was on fire, it would always be Glasgow. That really had to hurt - 90% burns and sore bollocks...
I think we should get a photo of that guy KICKING A FLAMING MAN, blow it up and make it the welcome sign at Glasgow Airport. Underneath we should have the words 'Glasgow Welcomes Careful Drivers'...
I love the naivety of al-Qaeda. For trying to bring a religious war to
Glasgow. You're 400 years too late guys!! You've not even got a Football
Team for Christ's sake... I think that we should give Partick Thistle to
al-Qaeda. If only for the joy of hearing them read out their team sheet on
Saturday...
The Sun last week urged us all to respond to the attack by flying the Union
Jack. Really, in Glasgow that's never been a great way of Getting your
insurance premiums down...
If we play this whole terrorism thing right, we could get al-Qaeda to blow
up some of Scotland's eyesores. I think we should definitely Start putting
signs up round Shettleston's high flats that say 'Financial Quarter'...
People say it was lucky they didn't crash into a fuel container. I say it's
lucky they didn't hit the queue coming out of Duty Free - the whole place
would have gone up like Hiroshima...
The best bit is being told that hundreds of people were saved from being
hideously burnt...these were Scottish people flying to Spain! Who'll come
back looking like they've been bungee jumping off the lip of a volcano
anyway!'