what would you do

[pfotoguy369]

This may sound harsh, but if she is in the bar business she probably knows every scam in the book.

Because of the cultural differences they see us as being weak.

we treat them nice, as a rule Thai men don't.

we are generous. Thai men ain't in fact they usually take what they can get from a woman money wise for drinking, gambling and other women.

It's said that almost all bar girls are either married or have boyfriends that the subsidise.

It was not unusual to see a Bar girl come to work with the Boyfriend/husband and baby on a motorbike being dropped off to work.

The boyfriend/husband doesn't seem to mind that she's out getting boinked by some Farang as long as she brings home the bacon the next day.

I also wonder why it is that a lot, well not a lot but more than a few always think that these post are a "wind up"? What would be the point?

And as Dawn said earlier even if it is, it's happening to someone.

I've had my own personal little learning curve about Thai relationships in the last 2 years.

As far as the OP is concerned, throw her ass out. you have to show dominance or she WILL take you to the cleaners in more ways than one.

[single]

to all of you who have replied I appreciate the time and promise you all this is no wind up. Wish it was!

I think your replies have made up my mind

Thanks all

[turok]

Single, I suspect that you'd already made a decision - In my experience, people tend to make their own mind up and then look to others for validation. Go with your own gut feeling as, however experienced the Board Members may be, the only one that can live your life (and accept the consequences for your decisions) is you!!!!

I see from your other posts (Lake View Membership, Squash League etc) that you're not hanging around moping. Well done for moving on.

[huahinsimon]

In my not so humble opinion this has been the most valuable thread that I have read on HHAD. Thanks, single!

The most valuable because it addresses what is probably the "single" biggest and most dangerous dilemma facing the single farang in LOS. Dangerous to mental health, financial health and physical health.

I also believe that this forum is a much superior place to sort out the problem than some PhD in psykiatry or family counciling's office.

Here you get multiple real answers from real people who've faced the dilemma not read about it at university.
2dandan's 11 points were fantastic; splitlid, photoguy and richard got right to the point.

Your head knows what to do. but doing it is the hard part You've got 5 months of psyche invested in something you thought was RIGHT. Now you got to admit, you were wrong. No poster is of the opinion you should give it another chance. This is a rare black or white question and there dont seem to be any whites in the mix of replys.

The best advice I ever got on a similiar, ie relationship, problem, 40 yrs ago in the states, is this: NEVER GO BACK! NEVER GO BACK!
If someone screws you once, the odds are he/she will do it twice. Human nature rarely changes. If you go back or take someone back, you've lost your power, they have the dominant position. Ultimately you will dance to their tune.

Best of luck, why don't you pm your favorite poster and have a one on one over a cold one. Hey, how about setting up a male support
group at some low key bar without the local female distraction, it seems to work for a lot of drinkers.

All the best
HHS

[Guess]

any normal thai girl would not be involved in a bar.

Another sweeping rash statement. I don't know every lady in Hua Hin that runs a bar but I could name six right now that I would call normal and have not risen from the ranks of bar girl. I also met many in Pattaya.

For any Thai man or woman that has a bit of savvy and can manage staff it can be a good living.

I think Dan has made most of the points that I would have made by I need to add mine.

1. Many Thai women have good reason to mistrust their farang boyfriends. Word gets around. These ladies doe talk to each other and there is a Thai grapevine.

2. I have learned after my observations in Pattaya and later here in Hua Hin that you must lay out some ground rules at the start. What is not acceptable to you may be normal in Thai culture and vice versa.

3. If she did go and stay with this guy that you say liked her following a row, it is quite likely that this was a revenge attack. She may have actually stayed that the friends that you trust and concocted the story. You may trust this friend but if your girlfriend asked her to lie to you she would.

If it were me I would give it another shot but make sure that it cannot happen again and she must stay with you if the relationship is to work. If she is suspicious about your daytime activities then invite her along. You may then get the trust back. If you fail then leave.

I'm not very good at this stuff. Where's Wanderlust, our agony father, when he's needed.

[sargeant]

well said guess one of the IMHO best bars in town is owned and run by a good lady who was my barber for nearly 7 years and i will guarantee she was never a bar girl prior to her new business

[Wanderlust]

Seeing as i have been summoned by Guess i'll give my two penneth, but that is really to say what has already been said on here. One thing i would add is that it is possible that another girl has taken a liking to you, and has spread some untruths about you that have got back to your girl; this could even be a girl that works in her bar, but only you would know if that is a possibility. The only other thing i would add is that there are plenty of other fish in the sea here if you decide to pull the plug and when you want to jump in again. If you decide to persevere with this girl I think a lot of talking and listening has to be done by both of you to avoid this kind of thing in the future - if she won't talk or listen, which is very common in Thailand then that may make the decision easier for you.

[crazy88]

Very valuable thread .I sincerely hope it helps someone avoid the all too familiar road to heartache and financial ruin .

The majority of comments are harsh but true .

Guess has some good points .Not ALL girls who work around the bar areas are for sale or scheming liars .

Can any woman be blamed for being mistrustful of people they do not know too well considering how they see a large number of Farang and Thai men behave in certain parts of this country ?

What I fail to understand is how so many men fall into these traps .You rent a prostitute half,or even one third,your age.You pay her to have sex with you .At some point in the "relationship" (the very next morning in some of the more hopeless cases) you decide that you are no longer paying her for sex but are now supporting her struggling family . Jonas from Sweden,klaus from germany and Harold from England help out every month as the good "platonic" friends they are .They even got her a mobile phone to talk just to them .After a while of repeating it you have convinced yourself that she worked in a department store or an optician when you met her .Some time later she owns everthing she has not gambled away or given to her wife beating ,alcoholic yabbah head husband and you are skint .

Whilst there are numerous exeptions and many successful and happy relationships out there........

Thai bar girl,does what it says on the box

That said,please show them some respect guys .It is not an easy way to feed your kids which is what most are trying to do .

[Roel]

This may sound harsh, but if she is in the bar business she probably knows every scam in the book.

Exactly Photoguy. Chapter One in the Bargirl's Sales and Marketing Handbook: "Tell the customer what he wants to hear."

Hence:

we treat them nice, as a rule Thai men don't.

we are generous. Thai men ain't in fact they usually take what they can get from a woman money wise for drinking, gambling and other women.

Be careful with these kind of cliches. I know a lot of farangs who are not THAT generous by the way and I am convinced that the vast majority of Thai men treat their partners well, just like the vast majority of farangs do. Surely some of the women who end up in bars catering for farangs had bad experiences with Thai men (or made them up!! see Handbook), but they are not representative for Thai men in general.

[single]

well people, considering this was my first thread on HHAD - WOW.

Some great people out there, thanks. I have made up my mind, as someone said before the thread started hence the SINGLE name but you have all helped in clearing my mind and soul.

I do love her but it is not to be and these are the hard ones to walk away from but I AM walking away. Last night again she did not come home until 6am and considering she closes the bar at latest, 2am she has been out.

I do trust her friend and husband who have a great family together and I have been asked by him to join in his business if I can pass a Tutoring Course.

What with Golf, Squash, my own business and now Kiteboarding, I could do with some timeout on the relationship front.

[richard]

Well done single

Have you got a work permit???

[single]

I have my own internet related business in the UK that runs itself. I am here on a B Visa but as yet no I dont have a work permit. In the process of sorting something out using a recommended thai account/legal advisor but as you know in thailand it all takes time.

[Ganymede]

Single,

Well done on your decision. I don't understand why some members find it necessary for you to tell them all about your work and paperwork to support that.

Hua Hin Simon - why do you have such a fixation with these books? Are there no other books in Thailand? Are they entirely representative of the fallang man-Thai female relationship? This is not my area of expertise, but I think not.

[richard]

Ganymede

Sound advice based on experience

[2dandan]

Good luck.

Hope things work out and your split is as amicable as it can be.