Bowel Movements - Firm, soft, sloppy or liquid?

[Jockey]

Guess, where are you? Your input is required!

[sargeant]

I think you should be calling for jaime and guess if i remember

[STEVE G]

... so why do I shit more than I eat and my girlfriend eats more than she shits? Thought I'd revive this thread to see if there is a scientific answer

Jockey, try her on Kellogs All-Bran and see if that evens the score a bit.

[crazy88]

Might be beer chang related .Other than that she may be having the odd shit-on-the-side.Suggest you hire a private defacative to keep an eye on her .

[sandman67]

the irony is this is just above the thread on Indian restaurants in the Topic List

[Jockey]

Might be beer chang related .Other than that she may be having the odd shit-on-the-side.Suggest you hire a private defacative to keep an eye on her .

What happened to Guess's plan to fit a web cam in every shithole in Hua Hin?

[sargeant]

Jockey me old chum
Euareka i have got it,i have got it,i have got it,Well i think i have got it,
Yesterday morning as was my want i went and after much puffing panting and hard work produced (and if brown diamonds are valuable im richer than bill gates) enough for a necklace a tiara and a 20 carrot engagement ring.
To make a short story long 7 oclock yesterday evening Mrs Sarge ordered me to go have a shower we are going to the 100th funeral this year (getting tips for mine i reckon) Being street smart i said after you my duchess ( actually aiming for shower Bai Dooay together )I no shower spaketh she you sweat and smell i no sweat
Because tis true she no sweat so if the sweat isnt coming from her armpits the top of her head her crutch or the crack of her behind its gott go out somwhere im a ginyus
And just because they always go to the khazi in pairs doesnt mean they are both peeing

[MrPlum]

The trick for me when Delhi belly strikes is to not eat for 24 hours and to take a tablespoon of clay (bentonite is good) mixed in a glass of water. The clay attracts the bugs and other toxins and takes it out of the body. Have never suffered longer than 24 hours, when others have been bed-ridden for days. Obviously drink water to avoid dehydration.

The other snippet I read was that 75% of people will come down with a stomach upset within two weeks of being in a foreign clime.

Lastly your own defences determine whether you succumb or not.

Amidst a group of physicians and scientists, Claude Bernard made the statement: "The terrain is everything; the germ is nothing," and then drank down a glass of water filled with cholera.

[sargeant]

2 heaped tablespoons of cement going upwards should work just remember to use a round ended trowel not a pointy one personally i recommend tile grout .Better finish and definitely waterproof im a ginyus

[Guess]

What happened to Guess's plan to fit a web cam in every shithole in Hua Hin?

I had abandon the camera plan. I only just started and girls were coming to me asking for royalties would you believe.

I then came up with the plan to drill small holes in the wall and use fibre technology.

This plan fell through for lack of funds.

I am now working on some sort of automatic weighing system which would go a long way to answer your question about male female relative volumes.

I now have theory based upon my studies of aviation. It is a well known fact that airlines will only allow two men on board if there is one woman to balance them out. This is why all stewardesses are women and the guys are usually faggots.

Contrary to common belief the effluence, deposited on board an aircraft in flight, does not get chucked out over Liverpool, Baghdad or Gary Indiana but is sucked into a tank where it is then transferred to a holding tank at the arrival airport before being collected by an Asian wholesale company and exported to Bangladesh in exchange for Basmati Rice.

The detailed technical analysis.

On an average flight a woman eats 1.5 kilos of food and dumps .5 kilos.

A man eats .5 kilos of food and dumps 2 kilos.

So if you have two men and one lady they consume 2.5 kilos of food and dump 4.5 kilos.

This increase is sustainable and offset by the fuel consumption.

If three men took the place of the two men and one lady they would consume 1.5 kilos and dump an enormous 6 kilos.

This increase would not be sustainable on any aircraft carrying more than 100 passengers.

Eventually some guy would go for a dump after finishing his mouthwatering cordon bleu lunch and the aircraft would spiral out of control and crash to the ground.

This of course is only a theory and there are many who will poo poo it. To prove it I intend to get separate ladies and gents toilets fitted in commercial aircraft. Special toilets will be made available for Lady Boys and faggots.

Saatchi and Saatchi are currently working on the door signs.

Using the wrong toilet will be a crime under the international aviation laws along with smoking on board and exposing yourself to the stewardesses (or steward come to that).

All passengers will have a swipe card to enter the toilets so that we can monitor their movements. J C. Penney loyalty cards, Abdul's Express Emporium and Tesco Clubcards can be used and will earn double points.

The produce will be sucked into different tanks and weighed and measured before being handed over to the wholesalers at the destination.

As a security precaution the tanks will be fitted with detonating bolts so that the tanks can be jettisoned on the order of Gordon Brown, Barrack Obahma or Rupert Murdock.

We would have like fit parachutes to the tanks to avoid people being shat on from a great height.

The original plan of using laser guidance cruise missile technology (dubbed Star Turds) to fly the tanks directly to Bangladesh just before landing has also been abandoned due to rising fuel costs.

PS. If you are on a flight and the toilet door entry system is not working properly make sure that you get a receipt from the stewardess.

[Jockey]

He's back!

[The understudy]

with you the understudy does absolutely Jockey!
He's defnately Back!

Your's The understudy !!!!!!!!!